Why Can't I let Go of the Past?!?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ricprimus on February 19, 2011 at 5:28pm

  I am the last person that should attempt to give any advice on relationships, especially since I am very weak in those that are Christian; and my relation with God and Christ is in a limbo between heaven and hell.

  All, that being said; well, I can make fairly decent comments on surviving the loss, the emptiness, the conflicting desires and needs when a relationshi collapses.

  Man things are at work within you, just from your profile, your interests, your passions, one can see you are not shallow enough to have a relationship without a level of your heart/mind/soul/body being a part of it.

  So first, even as the body learned its role in the awakening of a relationship, it also has to learn to shut down.  Simple things always drove me nuts at a loss of someone, a sound, a laugh, waking up and just knowing I could smell her on my pillow that had been washed to death.  Except for some with aberrant psyche, it is not easy for a normal person who had a close relationship involving the physical, to simply shut down the need for the familar partner.

  And, the same is true for the emotional bonds that your forged, and the mental, and the spiritual.

  Pair bonding, that combination of mind/heart/spirit/body that can lead to the highest state between a man and a woman a very complex process, involving biology/psychology/spirituality and cultural concerns and is not a easy thing to forget, or forgive when the other partner is at fault.

  There is anger alternating with need, wanting what was familiar with wanting a complete breakaway, both loving and hating and wanting to be indifferent.

  So, what to do, besides just being patient and letting time heal the wounds.

  First, above everything, is a "do not", do not start a relationship just to fell better, to prove to him that you are worthy; all

that a rebound will do is to start on a spiraling downward of 1 after another - and that truely can destroy the spirit.

  It is a very good time to turn to things spiritual, to become close to God by learning all that you can of Him, starting with the Bible and being active in His community.

  And from your interests such as art, nature, poetry, photography, astronomy, etc.; pick one, and study it to levels you have never gone before, just sit and shuffle though the things that most interest you, and decide some particular one you find fascinating, and explore it as if your final grade depended on it.  Hint: until you are stronger, avoid doing things that you and he did together - do something new!

  Bah, I've used my budgeted time up for AAG rambling on.

  I wish you well Kayla, and will pray for you; you are experiencing one of the most destrucive and dangerous moments in your life, trust God that it can be turned to a life affirming one! 

   

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kayla on February 19, 2011 at 5:44pm

Thank you so much for the reply back. I am actually, for once in my life, not rebounding. I've done that since I started dating at the age of 18 and I've had nothing, but bad relationships. I want to find a godly man. I want to find someone amazing. I want to get married one day and grow with this person in every possible way. And I know in order to find him, I need to be whole. I have doubts he exists some days and that I'm never going to have that amazing relationship that some people have....No matter how whole I am. Other days, I feel like I'll never have that relationship because I have doubt that I will ever feel complete and whole. I can't even feel God. I am most definitely going to start reading the Bible and attending church. I am not doing that right now so I hope that will make a difference. Thanks for the prayers too. I need them.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kayla on February 19, 2011 at 10:43pm

Thank you :)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Ricprimus on February 19, 2011 at 5:55pm

  Good, Robbin jumped in, it was very awkward for me to presume to give advice since my 3 week relationship is not a Christian one and has more or less an understood limit of time and level of depth and growth to it. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kayla on February 19, 2011 at 11:25pm

Any advice helps :)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on February 19, 2011 at 6:10pm

These two verses have been my favorite verses of the bible since becoming born again and the ones I most often quote. It amazes me how God can place so much beautiful truth in few words. It blows my mind the amount of teaching these two verses have. When I quote them I verily scratch the surface of them, but there is precious truth in them.

John 8:31-32 (New International Version)

31 To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Who is speaking here?"Jesus said"The perfect one, the Alpha and Omega, the Holy one, the creator of heaven and earth, Our King, Lord and Savior. Wow!!!! The one that cannot lie.

1. If you hold to my word/teaching - condition

What does it make you?
2. you are really my disciples.

What will happened then?

you will know the truth. What truth? The truth about everything pertaining to God and Godliness.

And then what happens?

3. the truth will set you free.

Free from what? From everything that wants to keep you down and enslaved.

Break Free with the Word.
The Christian life is to be the best life any human can have on earth. Paul even with all the trials and tribulations would have not change a bit of it. Christianity is exciting, IT'S BEAUTIFUL. GOD MAKES US BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (of course then there me, hahahaha a knuckle head, but don't be a knuckle head hehe).

To be in Christ, WoW nothing compares to it. We have not been left to our own wits; we have been given the Holy Spirit, the counselor, teacher etc...

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on February 19, 2011 at 6:48pm

Beloved Kayla -

 

I do not know you nor do I think I do but I will speak to you what came to my spirit when I read your predicament and I do know the one that knows you better than you know yourself so take what I say and align it with the word and whatever does not apply let go and apply whatever does to your daily walk.

The problem is that you are not living your "today and have not learned to take thoughts captive," if both those practices and truths were part of your daily walk right now, you would be walking in freedom. There is much more to it with many variables on the degrees that some things would apply to your specific situation, but I will only touch on what God place in my heart for you. We are complicated designs of the most beautiful artist and many of the biblical truths we believe in are simple to grasp but not easy to walk in, matter of fact impossible to practice them without the Lord's empowerment.

 

What does it mean to live on your today? Among many things, it means:

 

 Matthew 6:25-34 (New International Version, ©2010)

Do Not Worry

    ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?

   ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 

Seek the kingdom first and all else will be added beloved. The peace and joy will be automatic.

 

>>We cannot live on, "I did", and "I will do," but also “I do" and "I am doing." A robust faith requires that we grasp this truth firmly, yet we know how seldom such a thought enters our minds.

 

We habitually stand in our now and look back by faith to see the past filled with God. We look forward and wee Him inhabiting our future, but our now is uninhabited except of ourselves. Thus we are guilty of a kind of temporary atheism which leaves us alone in the universe while, for the time, God is not. We talk of Him as being absent, and we secretly think of Him as being absent, and we think of ourselves as inhabiting, a parenthetic interval between the God who was and the God who will be. And we are lonely with an ancient and cosmic loneliness...EOQ Page 5-6 of AW Tozer's God's pursuit of Man.

 

Seek you first the kingdom and all his righteousness and all else will be added, live on your today. I will touch on taking thoughts captive next.

 

Love and blessings to you my young sister. Keep your head up child, my Lord, your Lord is able to break every bond and change all situations for His glory.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kayla on February 19, 2011 at 11:11pm

Thank you. I like those verses. I will continue to seek God. And it is true...We cannot live on "I did," but rather "I do." I was thinking...Maybe God helps those who help themselves. I'm not exactly making an effort to stop obsessing about my past and everyone in it. I'm allowing myself to think of my ex and what would have been, could have been, should have been. I'm basically just sitting here and asking God to erase him out of my mind along with all my thoughts without even attempting to control it on my own. One of my goals has been to grow mentally and emotionally stronger. In order to do that, I need a battle to fight and conquer. My past and obsessive thoughts are my battle. Maybe God is using this as a way for me to become emotionally stronger and as proof that I can overcome adversities if I'm determined enough.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kayla on February 19, 2011 at 11:24pm

Thank you for the reply back. To be honest, I'm not in love with him anymore. We had a very bad relationship and I think I fell out of love with him a long time ago. I more or less, held onto him because I was afraid of being alone. I stayed until I realized the temporary pain I would go through without him was not nearly as bad as the stress and pain of being with him. I knew that I had to go through this pain of being alone to one day find peace. As shallow as it sounds, I guess my ego is bruised. If I were a great girl (which every girl wants to be), I wouldn't have been able to be replaced that easily or fast. He moved on very quickly. Then again, that was my old self. I changed so much in the last 6 months and I plan to continue changing. So, he moved on from my old self. I'm not that girl anymore. I really have a problem letting go of the past and living for today. That's something I need to work on. And I've asked God how important I am. I didn't get a response back so I took that at face value.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kayla on February 20, 2011 at 2:21pm

Thank you :)

• ▶ Reply