There’s no getting rid of the stigma.

It’s said that people will turn to the church and to God first for help and answers to the problems of daily life (especially those who are experiencing mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression) because professional help is so expensive but they turn away from the church because their problems aren’t always well received there and they don’t feel welcome in their own churches. The stigma of it also brings shame mostly because of the misconceptions about mental illness—being labeled as ‘crazy’ or ‘warped’ etceteras... and when violent criminals are found to be ‘mentally ill’ some people actually think all who suffer with mental health problems are going to ‘go off’ ...

There’s no getting rid of the stigma.

But at different times in my life, I’ve sought both the church and professional help.

I still look to God to help me move on from some situations in which I've found myself stuck. So many bad things have happened in the past.

Sometimes I get this mental picture of God, with a rod and a reprimand, ready to give me a painful thrashing, but for my own good, of course, because God knows more about me than anyone else, and I'm such a disappointment to Him.

I wish I could manage my problems better, and despite the big failure I think I am to God, I'm relying on help and support from Him.

Every now and then, I try to turn to people, too, looking for help to become unstuck, but I'm also trying to find my own solutions which seems like a much better approach than being bothersome to others.

But I'm not doing very well. Especially now after developing this severe form of autoimmune illness in addition to the other things that I’ve suffered, which include watching my older siblings get so ill. Three have died. Now another seems to be fighting for his life as cancer has spread to different areas of his body.

It’s no use for me to try and make my faith stronger and pray more, read the Bible more and be more committed to God. I can't find my own way out of this.

What will help me see things in a different light?

I don't know.

I know many are struggling. We all have pain and problems. Often, I feel I can’t talk about mine or deal with my own suffering because so many around me need life changing help of their own. They definitely don’t need a closer relationship with me, haha.

I pray God will guide us all through the trials and troubles of life.