Earnestly I look for You Please come! (Family troubles)

Thank you for those of you who prayed for me about my temptation with anorexia. With God's help and prayer,
I've been able to face the temptation and seek some counseling. Although the counseling does not take my insurance and it is pricey. I hope and pray something will come through.

Why is it that some things seem to come all at once? My heart breaks for my family.

My dad has had trouble with alcohol for years upon years, trying in recent years to keep it more hidden. All the verbal abuse and emotional scarring that's taken place because of this!!! In the last week, he got his first DUI and was put on administrative leave. He was deeply embarrassed and still is. He was afraid of what his children would think of him. He still hasn't talked to me about it. (Praise God for the blessing of my dad being able to go back to work starting Monday.)

I teach at a christian school and they're like family. I used to be a student there and now some of my teachers I work with. Even the principal was once my teacher. They've known me and they known my family for a long time. My mom works there, on the other side of campus teaching elementary, while I teach upper school. I even teach one of my sisters this year! (It's been going really well!)

After I heard the news of what happened with my dad, I cried about it with God and my husband. I/ We prayed for my dad and my whole family. When I taught the following day, I saw how sad my little sister was in class; she was more withdrawn than usual. I thought about it and prayed about it more than once, and decided to tell the principal only what was going on with my family.

I know I did it for myself. It felt good to tell somebody. I also was at a loss as to what to do being in this unique position of being her sister, but her teacher as well; and my mom being a colleague and my mom and a parent of one of my students.

I told my mom a few days later that I did tell the principal (I wanted to be honest), and she was unhappy. I knew she would be. She's very private and doesn't have very many friends who know what's going on with her at all! About anything. She said she wasn't mad at me, but that she regretted someone knowing. She didn't want people to start talking and thinking "poor Mrs. ----" (She's since talked to the principal herself; she said she wanted him to hear from her perspective because she didn't want him to worry.)

She's been through a lot with my dad getting a DUI, thinking about the possibility of my dad not going back to work (he has a very good paying job), and on top of all of this, while in a conversation with my mom, she brought up the fact that one of my sisters used to hate being left alone with my dad. She used to scream and kick and cry and throw a fit every time. She was scared of my dad. All I said was, "Have you ever asked her why she was?" And she said, "Why? Do you know something I don't?" I said, "No, I'm just saying you could ask her. I don't know anything; it's just my gut feeling that there may be something to it."

On top of that, I had told my mom within this past year that I had a memory of my dad asking me to do something in appropriate with him. I was old enough to know better. To make a long story short, she confronted my dad about this recently to see how he responded and he was appalled and shocked with disbelief. He couldn't believe this news!

A day later, he calls me to tell me that he's very upset about what mom said to him about what I had shared with her. I was very surprised to get this phone call. Very uncomfortable! He was nice to me, but very stern, saying that I misunderstood what he was saying. He didn't remember the day or the situation. I had always been confused about this because it didn't seem to match the kind of person he seems to be. And I wonder, how could I be so confused about such a serious thing?

Well, he told me that I had to talk to mom to figure all of this out and to let her know it was all a misunderstanding, especially because he said she would leave him if I persisted in believing this was true. Talk about pressure!!!

Needless to say, I did talk with my mom about this and said that for the first time in years, I believe that it's possible that I may have misunderstood what he meant by what he said.

Now, I feel bad because I feel like I stirred up something that wasn't true about my dad and it all came out in the open while he is already low, which was not my intention.
I didn't even want dad to know that I had that memory.

Now things are a bit uncomfortable with the family if you can imagine. And here's where I don't know what to do: God, bring your presence. Healing. Reconciliation. Forgiveness. I don't know how to talk with my earthly father right now. He's feeling ashamed. Please transform his life from the inside out. You've humbled him. You've brought him low for a purpose. You know him. You know what he needs. You bring truth out into the open. I don't understand though why it seems like everything is coming out all at once. I have been praying for my dad recently; that he would come closer to You and that you would strengthen my family; their marriage; and that you would convict my dad of his sin. I saw my parents today and they were both very uncomfortable around me. I feel sad for my dad. I hope he's forgiven me. I forgive him, Father. Please make something beautiful of this mess. You are good and I cast these burdens on You. Thank You for your joy. Yes, You are good! Amen.