ASK AND IT SHALL BE GIVEN

For me, it was hard to belive that out of everyone on earth. after all the billions of people who are going through so much more than i am..how can God have time for me to? it wasnt till after my daughter was born that i understood the "FEAR AND LOVE OF GOD". He knew my heart was crushed. he knew my lonleiness and was there when i cried out "please God just let me die" he knew i was at the end of my rope. that i couldnt take anymore. he knew how angery i was. not only was i angery at my ex but i was angry at myself. a month of this went by and on febuary 24th,2010 i took a at home pregnancy test and it came back positive.  of course like most 19 year olds whose life was a big party i was terrified. i couldnt tell you how long and how hard i cried lol. my ex and i ended up gettin back together and it went good for a while. but  my mother warned me not even tell him i was pregnant. she told me he wasnt going to change. she told me it wasnt in Gods will for us to be together. man i wish i woulda listened lol. things kept gettin worse. his friends always came first. lookin back the only time he realy realy loved me was when he was high. but i was stubborn. lord knows i wanted that family.one of my favorite childhood memories was putting the christmas tree up with my momma daddy and brother when i was little. and after it was up and all the ordaments were on,daddy would put the angle on the top of the tree. i wanted that memory for her. see i was the kind of women who thought i needed a man to make me happy. i needed love i needed that kind of attention. maby because my mother was that way. even tho i dont belive i deserved the things that my daughter father  had done..i felt that i NEEDED him. i belived him when he promised me we would be a family. that he would take care of me and emma and that he would be the man me and emma needed. or maby i didnt belive it because i heard it so many times maby i just wanted it so badly that i refused to let him go even though he was not the kind of person i want my child to be around. dont get me wrong im not juding him. i know he had alot of issues and i wasnt perfect in the least. but i couldnt leave and stay gone. when i had my daughter things got even worse. we were together but not living together. i couldnt bring myself to let him pick our daughter up on his own. i always let him come see her when ever he wanted.me and emma would spend the night over at his moms house with him every now and then and occasionaly we would do the family thing like going to the pumkin patch. but god wasnt in our relationship. i knew god existed. i knew god could do anything,after all he created and entire universe just by speaking,but i didnt know if he would..for me anyways.. and her father on the other hand wasnt sure if god existed. his childhood and lifestyle or even the environment and people he was raised by was completly diffrent. the sad truth is if god isnt in  a relationship..it aint gonna last. we broke up for good in march of 2011. i figured it was just another one of those "its over then get back together within the next couple of days" type things. after two weeks of not hearing from him i became deppresed. and thats what led me back to god. you see i refused to lay in bed crying over him till he came back to me again like the last time. no not this time. through gods love and mercy he gave me the strenth to get through it. i enrolled in school to be a medical assistant. i am blessed to spend everyday with my wonderful daughter and get out and do things and show my baby the good in this world. not only that but ive been single and content for 6months now. god has turned my life around completly. the lord says "the tide of the battle will turn the moment you turn in prayer" and he said " i am a very present help in the time of trouble" this hasnt been easy. not even close. as a matter of fact im meantaly esaughted lol. its the hardest thing ive ever have to go through. not only am i struggling finalcialy, im going through a custody battle. im taking her father to court for soul custody of emma. i have never been so terrified in my life lol. i cant even imagine having to be away from my baby or  having to hand her over to my enimes at anytime. after all this is my child. she has never been away from me other than school or the occasional job interview. i try my hardest ive fought my hardest to make sure she is happy at all times and my child will know jesus and god. god said that we will gain the victory through him and he will trample over our enimeies. he said he will pay us back DOUBLE for the unfair things  that has happend to us. he said "test me in this says the lordalmighty and see if i will not throw open the flood gates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it"!!! i belive this. faith has been a difficult thing for me. but each day i grow more in faith. you see if i do not win this battle, theres a pretty good chance i will not be able to any of my family for the next 18 years. im from tennessee. my enire family is in tennessee. it is just me and my daughter and my mother here in fort mitchell kentucky. i dont feel in my heart that this is where me any emma belong. i feel that i can give her a better more fulfilling life if we were in tennessee. the things ive seen young kids do here...is unreal. her father witnessed a mother being shot on his way home from school when he was a kid. ive seen a 12year old boy smoke weed in a room full of grown men. ive seen mothers selling pills and weed and mother have sex in the floor while her 2year old son was asleep right above her at a party.... im sure these things are everywhere. but ive never seen things like these till i came here...but you see my friends before i came to kentucky, i had just gotten out of another relationship. and once again was heartbroken. i prayed for god to send me someone to love and need me as much as i do them. i thought my prayers were answered when i met my daughters father but i was wrong. instead that person that i prayed for so hard came as a 5pd 8 ounce baby girl. <3 and once i realy turned my life back over to god thats when things realy started turnning around for me. god provided me a way to get an attorney. the best so i hear. its still hard. i still have my moments of guilt bc i cant give my daughter a real family. i still have this custody battle coming up but god has gotten me SO FAR!! he knows my heart  and that my intentions are pure. he knows everything i went through.and he promised that he would not let the richouss fall. he has gone before me faught this battle for me. its already won!! he is such and amazing god isnt he!! and what ever your going through my friends, what ever struggles you face, know that you are not alone! god can and will help you all you have to do is ask. he wants you to ask him. you are never a burdden on god. for the lord said if we ask anything in his sons name (jesus christ)that he will do! and jesus said if we ask anything his name, he will do. this world can be so dark and so dirty. i pray that the lord shines is light on you and blesses you with everything your goin thru.                        pray with me please

dear heavenly father,

please forgive me for my sins and thank you for everything you have done for me and for loving me. i praise your name. please help me win victory in your name and to forgive others life you have forgiven me. i accept andthank you for your blessings. in jesus's name i pray

amen <3