Ashley Smith's Page

Hi Paige,
Thanks for touching bases! I was downloading pics today, in between cleaning, job hunting, and chasing my son and our 9 week old Yellow lab puppy! Things are crazy and I haven't even had time to finish setting up my page for this yet. I like this, but I am looking forward to a chance to browse a bit more. Things are crazy for me right now...as you definitely can understand with two small kids and a business at home!
I have been a working mom since my son was 10 weeks old, until January when I got laid off. I have never not had a job, so this has been a wonderful time with my son, but emotionally I have struggled with not earning money and feeling like I am being lazy. I actually have not had a chance to watch TV, or just "hang out" with friends since being laid off. My house is organzied, cleaned out of all clutter and I have had some amazing time with the Lord and in the Word. What a blessing! On the other hand, financially, barring a miracle from God, finacial disaster is looming.
The economy is tough, jobs are scarce, and I am uncertain of God's specific plan. He may be re-routing my whole direction in life...something I want if that's where He wants me. This just wasn't my plan. Isn't that most often how He works? "My ways are not your ways and My thoughts are not your thoughts." I am praying that I will learn what it is He wants to teach me in this. I DO NOT want to miss His point and have things get any worse or have to go through this any longer than is neccessary to accomplish HIS goal for my life!
God is so patient and compassionate, but He is not a permissive God, who lets us just "do our own thing" after we've committed to a life of total surrender to His will. We are all works in progress, but I have been particularly hard-headed. And through it all, God has been faithful when I haven't been. He has been immediately forgiven and completely restored my relationship with Him, when I have repented. He is so generous in His provision for me in His Word, giving me just what my spirit craves and more than I even knew to ask Him for! I have come to LOVE Him in a way I didn't think was possible until Heaven, when I could see Him, touch Him, hear His voice out loud. I prayed many years ago, that God would help me to love Him passionately,because I need to love like that in order to live in total surrender...I am not a naturally disciplined person. I told God that I would never be able to "walk the walk" out of sheer dedication. If I really love someone passionately, I would stand in front of a train for them without a thought...it would be instinctive. I wanted to love God like that! God has allowed my choices and circumstances in life to cause me to suffer so intensely, that when he rescued me from myself, I have been on my face, humbled--grateful and "in love" with Him, because He has loved me so intensely even when I had done nothing to deserve it! I recently realized He has answered that prayer from so many years ago, that for a long time I had forgotten I prayed. He never fails to answer prayers that are what He wants for us...even if it takes longer than we would want, it's always at the perfect time!
Sorry for the long disertation. I'm sure you got more than you were looking to get from me...:0). I will not usually have time to share my heart...but I don't want to miss an opportunity to proclaim how awesome God has been in my life!
To answer one of the questions you asked, I would love to have another child in the future, but my husband feels really strongly that He wants only one. I used to be bitter about that, but God has reminded me how blessed I am to just have Dominic. If it is God's plan, I pray that God will change my husband's heart. But for now, I won't even bring it up anymore. God knows the desires of my heart and He also knows what is best for my husband and for me. I will keep praying, but I will keep my mouth shut about it with my husband. :0) I am a very passionate and verbal person...I know you must be shocked...(ha, ha), and I usually say whatever is on my mind before I have had a chance to consider the consequences. God is working on that too!
I love your son's name...Chase. It was one of the names I considered for Dominic.
Love you sister...
Be sure to write to me about you...we've got to keep this balanced you know! :o)