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Please help me with forgiveness...
I've been struggling with believing in God for over a year now so I thought that I would throw that out there before I begin. I heard that prayer is more powerful with numbers so I'm asking that someone could please pray for me...even though you don't know me.
Sorry if this is lengthy (and blunt), but I want to give you a background on my issue. I got involved with an ex who had cheated on me and dumped me back in April. I was only with him for a short amount of time, but I loved him. The girl he cheated on me with ended up leaving him about two weeks ago and he crawled back to me (and had the nerve to complain to me about the girl he left me for and cheated on me with, without any sensitivity or any mention to the fact of why he cheated on me and disappeared) . I gave in because part of me wanted to reclaim my self-esteem and the other part got high off of the euphoria of someone who once rejected you wanting you back. So, my intentions originally were to pour my heart out and tell him how bad he had hurt me when I got to see him in person for the first time since our break-up....Well, after a day of talking, she came back and he nonchalantly said goodbye to me so I never got to tell him in person how I felt, but after a few days, he came back again. So, I met up with him for the first time and told him how bad he hurt me and he said all of this stuff to me that I never thought that I would hear from his lips again "I missed you, I never stopped thinking about you, will you be my gf, I realized what I lost" etc, etc. He sobbed in my arms for over an hour. Well, a few days later (second time hanging out) he invited me to a bonfire at his cousins. I got drunk (my first time) and one thing led to another and I sinned in an even greater way. The next day he continued to make me feel loved and special and like I was his, but then a few hours after I had left, she came back to him and his response to me was "well, I talked to Stef for the last hour and a half so I guess that I'm going to say goodbye." He disconnected that quickly and with no emotion what-s0-ever when just a few hours prior, he was holding me and loving me.
He made me out to be the monster to his family and friends even though he's the one who cheated and left me, he's the one who crawled back two months later, he's the one who said everything he said, he's the one who made all the moves, and he's the one who dumped me once again like nothing. Not explanation, no emotion, no guilt, just nothing.
I'm so angry and hurt and embarrassed that there's this false image of me floating around. He lied about everything to everyone and made me seem like I pursued and seduced him. I didn't. I just made the mistake by going along with everything. I'm not the type of girl who gets in the middle of relationships. I don't sleep around. I've only been drunk once. I try to live a moral life, but I feel like he made me out to be a monster to protect himself and that killed me.
I want to FORGIVE him. I NEED to forgive him. For myself. I don't want to walk around angry and bitter and imprisoned in my mind. I want to be free. I want to release him. It's haunting me. Please someone pray for me that God helps me do that. I don't want to be angry and I don't want to hurt. I know I screwed up by going back to him and indulging and I know I don't deserve it, but if God has any mercy, I need it.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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Hello Kayla -
Let me start by asking you these questions? Do you love God? Have you settled your struggle in believing in God yet or is that still going on?
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Permalink Reply by Kayla on
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I want to love God, but I'm being 100% honest in saying that yes, I'm still struggling with believing....I've been. But I want to believe. I don't want to go through life not believing in some kind of higher power. That's frightening. But I don't want to believe out of fear. I want to believe and follow out of faith and love...
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Check this vid out, I hope you enjoy it. A brother just posted these scriptures in another discussion. I think they are appropiate for you:
Jeremiah 29:13 When you look for Me, you will find Me. When you wholeheartedly seek Me,
James 1:5 If any of you needs wisdom to know what you should do, you should ask God, and He will give it to you...
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Permalink Reply by Mary O on
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Hi Kayla, God bless you! God is rich in mercy.
Psalm 103 is a great place to read.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:7-12)
But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much... (Ephesians 2:4)
There is a spirit that does this kind of thing. I cannot say with 100% certainty that it's involved. It's called a charming spirit. Think of it like prince charming. Don't allow yourself to be alone with this man ever again. He is unstable and untrustworthy. You are not the only victim. He has turned his family and friends against you. That is what causes me to think this spirit is involved. He can take advantage of you and be horrible in the relationship and mistreat you, but everybody else loves him and blindly believes him. The charming spirit is notorious for this kind of behavior.
Love,
Mary
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Thank you. I'm not for sure if they are against me, but I know that he has lied to everyone to save face. And he is for sure a charmer. That man knows how to make a woman weak in the knees.
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A friend of mine was married to a man with this kind of spirit for about five years. She kept trying to save the marriage. Handsome fellow, picture perfect person. He had so many people fooled. He was verbally abusive, quick tempered at home. Up until the day they parted ways, their families and friends thought he was a swell guy. For some reason she called him and asked him to pick up something of his. She had two friends come over to the house to be with her. She put his stuff in the garage. He brought a couple cousins with him. He exploded in a fit of rage in the garage. I don't know, maybe he wanted to enter the house or something. She had to call the police. She wasn't surprised, but the other people present were. She said after she got out on her own in an apartment, she spent time opening and shutting cabinet doors. He didn't like for her to make noise. Can you imagine?
Before I knew about this spirit, I ran into a guy like this. Never again. It was a painful experience. You aren't alone.
You are fortunate. He lied to save face. He doesn't care about your heartache or your reputation. He's very self-centered to say the least. You don't need this kind of headache.
Love,
Mary
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I totally agree Mary. And I feel like a fool for walking into all of it. Knowing he was like that, but putting all of the warning signs on the back burner because it felt good to be desired. It felt good for a man to want me. It felt good to be someone's somebody. It all felt amazing. And I knew it was going to crash down all around me. I knew it, but I was living in the moment and my mindset was "I'll deal with it when it happens."
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Permalink Reply by dean burrows on
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Hi Kayla Where to begin is easy "I want to FORGIVE him. I NEED to forgive him. For myself" A truer statement has not ever been made.
Now you must understand to forgive does not mean you have to befreind or even want to be around him. " I gave in because part of me wanted to reclaim my self-esteem and the other part got high off of the euphoria of someone who once rejected you wanting you back." terrible reason to go back with anyone.
" I've been struggling with believing in God for over a year now" Let's work on this
Heavenly Father
Make your presence known. Have this young lady feel your touch know your compassion. Lord in doing so help this young lady to have understanding. Help her to realize she is not the loser. Help her to understand that those of importance know who she is. They hold no false images. Lord show her true forgiveness Forgiveness only you can give. That with your understanding and forgiveness she in turn can and will forgive this man for his part. And with this Lord help her to know your forgiveness in her life. Help to know and understand your total presence in her life. that her choices will be with wisdom and understanding only You can give.
In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus the Christ.
Now Kayla believe the prayer want the prayer and Our Heavenly Father will take you on a journey. A journey sometimes you won't like. Yet a journey covered in joy and peace.
May The Lord touch your heart give you forgiveness and understanding.
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Permalink Reply by Colby on
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Kayla,
First, I want to say that it took a lot of courage to post this story about this painful personal experience you have recently endured and from which you are seeking to recover. With regard to your plea for God's mercy, you can be assured that he loves you more than you can possibly imagine. He makes his free gift of forgiveness and grace freely available to all who put their faith in him. It is yours for the taking, if you truly want it.
Forgiveness is not only essential to your healing and recovery process, it is--as Jesus said--our duty.
• "Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times? "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" (Matt 18:21-22)
• The Lord’s prayer says, “…forgive us our sins, as WE forgive those who sin against us…”. Jesus goes on to say; Mat 6:14-15: "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."
Forgive your ex-boyfriend, but do not put yourself in harm's way again. Let go of the pain, anger and bitterness that are eating away at you. Move on. But know this: the only lasting peace and joy you will find is by surrendering to Christ. If you have not yet done so, are you are ready to do so now? If not, what is holding you back?
What else have you learned from this experience? It draws me to the book of Proverbs, a book about wisdom, especially in Chapter 5. Listening to foolish flattery from evil persons and giving in to the temptation of illicit sexual pleasure is ultimately destructive. Sin is present all around us in this world. We find ourselves continually tempted to sin because of the transitory and illusive pleasure it offers. At times we find ourselves on the receiving end of someone's sins against us--feeling the pain, anguish, despair and occasional humiliation that follow sin--just as we sin against others and God.
Proverbs 5 urges us to seek wisdom--the understanding and discretion to make informed and right decisions. Solomon likens wisdom to a woman calling out and urging us to listen to her counsel. He says, "she is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed" (Pro 3:18).
We have a choice. We can follow God's way of wisdom or the world's way, which is folly or sin. We must be on guard against letting ourselves become involved with, and deceived by, "sweet words" and "slick tongues" that lead us to sin. We must not let our discernment become impaired by misusing or abusing alcohol and drugs. Proverbs 5:1-5 illustrates this quite nicely.
- "My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel.
Then you will show discernment, and your lips will express what you’ve learned.
For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil.
But in the end she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave."
Stay away from temptation. Keep your distance. Never again allow yourself to be put in a situation where you have to face overwhelming temptation.
- 1 Cor. 6:18: "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body."
- 1 Thes 4:3: "God's will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin."
I pray that you find the strength to forgive; that you have become wiser; that you will proclaim Christ as your Lord and Savior (if you have not already done so).
Let grace, mercy and peace be with us in truth and love from Christ,
Colby
- "My son, pay attention to my wisdom; listen carefully to my wise counsel.
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