My marriage of 38 years

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pastor Bob B on March 11, 2008 at 7:26am

My wife and I have been separated sence 7-06 and I can tell you that it has been very hard to deal with all the issues that arise after being married for 25 years and finding yourself in this kind of situation. You have to go through a whole greiving process, denial, barganning, anger, forgiveness to exceptance. Today I am ok. My wife and I live in the same house in separate apartment and it works for us at least until my 17 year old daughter is grown and gone. I had to re-evaluate my life. I have a physical dissability also to deal with and have found that my greatest enemy is self pitty.
finding out what forgiveness means and doesn't mean has helped me greatly. Go to Allaboutgod definition of forgiveness

Permalink Reply by Gertrude Lulabelle Liverpoor on March 11, 2008 at 11:04am

Hi Bob,

Thank you for writing to me. What you said sounds just like what I have gone through and still am going through. At first I was in denial. I couldn't believe that it was happening. I thought it must be a dream and I would wake up and everything would go back to normal. Then I got so angry at him for hurting me so badly after being married to him for 38 years. I was so angry because he never said he was unhappy. I knew we were drifting apart and I kept asking him if he was happy with our marriage. He always said yes. I still don't understand why he had to lie. I guess he felt he couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth or either he was afraid to hurt me. Well, he hurt me a lot worse by committing adultery. I prayed to God to remove my bitterness, anger and resentment and he did. I have now accepted it and have given it over to God. I am moving on with my life. I know that God has a wonderful plan for my life. I know that he has blessings just waiting for me to claim. I believe that with all my heart. We have been separated for about 10 months. At first I didn't see how I could go on without him in my life. Now I am so much stronger. My relationship with the Lord has grown tremendously and I am so thankful for this time. I am finally at peace with what has happened and in a way I am glad that it happened. Even though at first I was so hurt and angry I couldn't think straight. Now that the worse of it is over, I feel so much stronger. I no longer have my self-pity parties.

I don't see how you and your wife can live in the same house. That would be so hard for me. Is she seeing someone at this time? How do you deal with it all? My husband is getting ready to move in with his mistress. I am kind of sad but I have accepted it. We haven't gotten a divorce yet just a separation. Don't let self-pity become your crutch. There is life out there for you after this. Believe me. I never thought that I would be sharing with someone else what has happened to me and trying to give them inspiration and hope. I feel that I have been in the exact same place that you are in right now. I was able to lift myself up out of my self pity and move on with my life and you will too. I will pray that God will help you. It's hard but you can get past all this. You still have a wonderful life and I know you have so much to be thankful for just as I do.

Write me anytime you want to talk. I am happy to hear from you. My prayers are with you during this difficult time. God will give you the strength you need. Believe that God gave you the burden for a reason. He uses pain and tragedies to help us grow and become closer to him. Even though it is very painful going through all the experiences believe that God knows you are hurting and he is with there beside you.

May God bless you and keep you.

Yours in Christ,



Lillie

Permalink Reply by Pastor Bob B on March 11, 2008 at 1:35pm

Lillie you truely are an inspiration, you truely are allowing God to turn your scars into stars.
You ask how I can live in the same house? I have a complete separate apartment with a separate entrance. I was was away living elsewhere for over a year. I have been here sence last August. The Lord spoke to me at the beginning of last year1-07 that He was going to ask me to do something that was going to be difficult during that year. At first when my wife approuched me I said no, but The Lord showed me it was what he wanted me to do and it turned out to be the best thing I could have ever done. I love my apt and the best thing I get to see my daughter all the time and my 2 sons love not having to go to 2 places to visit. God is smarter than we are and if we listen to His voice and obey He will bless us.
There is a ministry called divorce care that ministers to separated and divorced christians see if there is a group in your erea. God bless for now

Permalink Reply by Ruel Z Chavez on May 25, 2011 at 4:41am

"turning your scars into stars" --- great thought! indeed! only God can do that...

Permalink Reply by Ruel Z Chavez on May 25, 2011 at 4:39am

"I thought it must be a dream and I would wake up and everything would go back to normal." -- same experience...my worst nightmare...

 

"I am moving on with my life" -- I like this! 

 

"Now I am so much stronger. My relationship with the Lord has grown tremendously and I am so thankful for this time. I am finally at peace with what has happened and in a way I am glad that it happened. Even though at first I was so hurt and angry I couldn't think straight. Now that the worse of it is over, I feel so much stronger." - "I am glad that it happened..." "the worst is over..." how I long to say these words in truth...I am waiting for that day...

 

"There is life out there for you after this." - Still, I cannot see this. This is too good to be true. But I would just take your word...thank you!

Permalink Reply by Ruel Z Chavez on May 25, 2011 at 4:28am

25 years...

 

"You have to go through a whole grieving process, denial, barganning, anger, forgiveness to acceptance." --- so it is for real that there are people who passed through this valley of misery and came out alive...

 

"Today I am ok" --- I like this!

Permalink Reply by cara on April 1, 2008 at 4:16am

Dear Lillie, can i tell u about my marriage? 10 years ago i married a man who i thought loved me for me,but all the while he was being questioned about sexual abuse on his step daughter and thought that if he was a happily married man he would be safe from punishment he had been denying all the charges and 1 month after we married he admitted wat he did and was sent to jail.I had been praying all the while for God to let the truth come out because i belived he was innocent he told me he was and the truth DID come out not in the way i expeted but God answered me i believe.I was devestated,angry,shocked,and i just couldnt get my head around it, but i did, i took it to God who wrapped His arms around me and rocked me back and forth as i sobbed,howled,and fought Him but i got over it eventually only with God holding me up i felt a failure that my marriage only lasted 4 weeks and blamed myself thiinking i should have known but Lillie, Gods so good, He will be with u every single step of the way and His arms will be around you when u cry its like when my son cried id lift him on my knees and rock him gently and when we cry i believe Our Father sits us on hi knees and rocks us till we stop i know youll get over this god bless you

Permalink Reply by Ruel Z Chavez on May 25, 2011 at 4:45am

4 weeks...it amazes me to know that each of us has his/her own story to tell...

Permalink Reply by Edward on February 23, 2011 at 8:18am

Lulabelle, as I read your post I was reminded of my own past marriage. Being separated for 10 months or 10 years is not easy. It is very normal to feel the anger, resentment and bitterness you  feel. I understand that only too well. The feelings one has after a separation/divorce are basically the same as one experiences at the death of a loved one. A marital break up in a sense is a death but not the end of life and certainly not the end of ones realationship with God. Having the support of friends and other loved ones is important as it helps to cope with the situation. Having a supportive church family is definitely important for moral and spiritual support. Remember God understands perfectly what you are experiencing and has more empathy than all humanity can muster. You will find others who have empathy because they have travelled the same road. You are at your vulnerable point and Satan knows this. I encourage you to continue to seek our Heavenly Father's guidance and to seek the prayers of brethren. I appreciate your attitude and it demonstrates your faith in God and in yourself.

Forgive your spouse ( aq real challenage) and go on with YOUR life & continue to serve Him faithfully.

Permalink Reply by Ruel Z Chavez on May 25, 2011 at 4:52am

"A marital break up in a sense is a death but not the end of life" - I am happy to know this but there are times that I consider death better than suffering the pain of persistent adultery. 

 

"Forgive your spouse ( aq real challenage) and go on with YOUR life & continue to serve Him faithfully." - I will take this advice coming from someone more experienced...

Permalink Reply by Ruel Z Chavez on May 25, 2011 at 4:24am

38 years...mine is 14...almost triple...I felt so miserable...but reading this discussion somehow shifts the focus of my mind and expands it...just want to learn from the wisdom of those who are ahead of me...thank you!