I have been struggling with forgiving a friend that I had in my life for 17 years, we were practically sisters. She moved to the state that I was living in and we each have changed in many ways over the years. But for some reason she expected me to be the same exact person I was 17 years ago. But she would never admit she had changed. Last August, we had a fall out and she belittled me, criticized me, made fun of me and my friends, made fun of my relationship that I am in with my boyfriend and was just very ugly to me. And then reminded me of all the things she did for me over our friendship and then told me that she felt she was used. What she forgot to remember were all the things I did for her, I never judged her, her life wasn't perfect, she made mistakes, and I was always there to support her. This really hurt me to the core because she was one of the few people I trusted. What I wanted to do was to fight back and point out her short comings, but I never did, I never made fun of any of her decisions or her relationships. I know I took the high road, but I felt totally defeated and it made me felt like I lost the fight. Then after that a few weeks later, she e-mailed me to "apologize" it was a weak one, and then went from that to talking to me like we never had that fight. I can never forget the harsh words she told me, I can never forget how she hurt me. So I was so angry I never responded and I know that she knew I was very mad and just didn't want to deal with her at that point.
Now lately I think about her often, but I feel that she should contact me because she was just so ugly to me. I saved the e-mail that she sent me with all of the horrible things she said to me so when I feel like this I read it and then it reminds me of how hurtful and ugly she can be and I never want to go through that again. But then my heart aches for my best friend and I almost am in tears because I miss her so much.
I have thought about e-mailing her but I'm scared of what reaction I may get. I know that if we ever talk again, our friendship may never be the same. But at the same time, I'm still angry that she would ever treat me that way.
How do I fully let go of this anger? I have tried, but I just can't seem to do it.
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HI STEPHINE,
I READ UR POST AND I HAVE TO BE HONEST WITH U. I DONT SEE Y U R MAD AT UR FRIEND NO ONE IS PERFECT.
1 IS SHE A CHILD OF GOD?. SHE DID SAY SORRY NO MATTER HOW U SEE IT .
FORGIVE 70 TIMES 7 EACH DAY.
2 IS SHE A SINNER , WHAT DO U EXPECT SHE WILL SIN THAT WHAT SINNER DO.
U NOW MUST REMEMBER WHAT JESUS DID FOR US LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO HIM, SPIT IN HIS FACE , FLOG HIM, NAIL HIM TO THE CROSS, AND ALL BECAUSE HE LOVE US IN R OUT OF SIN.
U CAN NEVER STOP PEOPLE FROM SAYING WHAT THEY WANT TO SAY ITS THEIR MOUTH, WHAT U CAN DO IS CHOP UR SELF LOSE FROM WHAT EVER PEOPLE SAY. BY SAYING A PRAYER R A CONFESSION EVERY DAY OVER UR SELF FROM ANYTHING PEOPLE MAY SAY ABOUT U THATS NOT GOOD.
DELETE THE MESSAGE UR FRIEND SEND TO U THEN PRAY AND ASK GOD TO FORGIVE U .FOR NOT FORGIVING UR FRIEND,THEN CALL R EMAIL HER AND TELL HER U R SORRY. REMEMBER ALL THIS IS FOR U .NEVER LET THE devil GET A FOOT HOLD IN UR LIFE HE ONLY WANTS TO KILL U PLEASE. MY father and brother had sex with me and they r acting like they dont remember and i FORGIVE THEN BECAUSE I COULD NOT LET THEM STEAL MY JOY AND I AM SO HAPPY WITH GOD BECAUSE I LET GO AND MOVE ON .
IF U DONT FORGIVE HOW DO U EXPECT TO GET FORGIVENESS,SOMEONE SAY THESE WORDS(LOVE EVERYONE,TRUST SOME PEOPLE,DONT HURT ANYONE).
HI FRIEND,
U STILL DONT SAY THE RIGHT THING YET,BUT I AM GOING TO PRAY FOR U ,
KNOW GOD.
KNOW PEACE.
NO GOD
NO PEACE.
Hi Stephanie,
I've had a similar thing happen to be and I have to tell you that I prayed and prayed and prayed. I went as far as giving back some of the things that the person had given me. I thought I would feel better since she alwasys made fun of my religious feelings and then made fun of how I vote according to the bible so I believed that the right thing to do is to tell her that and return the things she had given me (at least the ones that I still had).
I knew she wouldn't see me so I put them in a package to be delivered at work. After doing that I felt pretty good for a day or two. Then I started hearing this voice in my head saying "is that what I would have done?" "Am I not love?" I then knew it was the Lord telling me I was wrong. So I had to make it right, I knew she wouldn't take a call from me or see me so I left her an email. Saying that GOD had gotten after me for what I did and I asked for her to forgive me.
Of course I never heard from her and waited two or three weeks and sent another email saying that I had been praying and wanted again to apologize for returning the things to her and asked her to forgive me that I was wrong in what I did. She never contacted me but I know I did the right thing because I feel peace now. I continue to pray for her since she is not a believer and all the anger I felt is gone because I know she is listening to satan.
God bless you and I will pray that the Lord leads you in what he would like for you to do, remember satan would like nothing better than for you to continue being angry all the days of your life. Jesus said: Be angry and sin not. So it's ok to be angry, but figure out why you are angry, pray that the anger be taken away and then forgive and forget. Remember also that satan will use your friends against you and you must be aware and not let him win, you need to be the Jesus that they see.
RoseMary
Hi Stephine,
I have been going through the same things with my dad. I know what it feels like to not be able to forgive someone that you have loved for a very long time. My friend Jenna and I were just beginning to get close and then she stoped hanging out with me period. I want to stay friends with her and I know she still wants to be my friend, but it has to be the right time for us to be friends again. In your sitiution, all you need to do to is pray and ask God to help you email your best friend!!!! I know h will help you to be able to forgive your friend. I know it may not feel that way at first, but eventually he will help you. He will do it when he knows it the best time for everybody!!!!!! I will pray with you as well!!!!!!!!!
HI FRIEND,
NOW IS ALWAYS THE RIGHT TIME,BECAUSE NO ONE KNOW WHAT TOMARROW BRINGS.
ITS PROMISE TO NO ONE.
LUV U
I was touched by your testimony sister Stephenie. Would you mind meditating on these passages?
This helped me when I was down and broken.
Ephesians 4:26 – 32
26 “In your anger do not sin”a: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Luke 23:34
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” …
Sister may God cleanse us the “garbage” from our heart.
Jesus loves you and so do I. A victorious life to you !!!
Hi! I am new to this website and was just browsing to see what it was all about when I seen question posted. I thought I might add along with everyone else that I too have went through something like this. Me and this girl met through my grandma at her nursing home because her and her mom volunteered there. Over time we became really good friends talked on the phone almost every Sunday, hung out when we were down that way, at one point we started doing Bible studies together, and she even came up and spent a week with me and my family. She was 18 and she really like this 45 year old man from the nursing home. I tried time and time and time again to talk some sense into her but she would never listen.
It was about a week or two after she went back home from staying a week with us that it all broke loose and hit the fan. At that time she had decided to move in with this 45 year old disabled man and get married and after that she just changed all together. I tried to keep our friendship going even though I knew our friendship wouldnt be the same. At one point in time she started downing me, my family, and my job and just cussing me out and calling me every name in the book that was when I knew our friendship was over so I stopped talking to her all together I mean after all I wasnt going to sit there and try to be friends with someone who did nothing but cuss me out,call me names, and down me and my family and job.
After all this went down I would call and talk to her mom on the phone who would keep me up dated on how her and her new husband was doing because I really did and still do care about her. Well one day we were down in the same town she lived in and to my mom it just didnt seem right to sit there and see my grandma, and my ex friends (at the time thats how I thought of her) mom and dad without at least making a attempt at stopping in and saying hi I didnt want to do it but my mom finally talked me into it.
When we stopped by it was definately awkward for both of us but we talked and tried to get by with it. Over time one way or another I would be reminded about forgiveness and what the Bible says about forgiving. So since all that has happened I have put my best effort forward and we have texted back and forth a few times and talked about the good times we had as friends and when we go down there I will text her and let her know we are down there in case she can make it up to the nursing home to say hi. We were even friends on facebook there for awhile. Will I go out of my way to become best friends again? No for the simple fear of her turning her back on me and hurting me again. Have I forgiven her for all the things said and done that did hurt me? YES!! I know how it is to have a friend hurt you that badly and how hard it is to forgive them and try to forget what was said and done. But believe me its alot better learning to forgive than it is to hang onto the past and dwell over it.
I will pray for you and that the Lord will help you forgive your friend! GOD BLESS!!!!
THANK GOD FOR U, I AM SO HAPPY U R LETTING GO , U GO GIRL.
LUV U
thank you for your support. I really want to get past this pain. I want so bad to be able to hug him, but i can't even stand to be in the same room as him. Please pray for his safety.
HI RANSOMEBYJESUS,
WHATEVER SEED YOU PLANT YOU WILL REAP.WE HAVE TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT SINNER DO SIN,WE AS THE CHILDREN OF GOD HAVE TO SHOW THEM THE RIGHT WAY.WE HAVE TO FORGIVE TO GET FORGIVENESS WE DONT FORGIVE PEOPLE FOR THERE SAKE. WE DO IT BECAUSE IT HELP US.THE BIBLE SAY DONT LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR ANGER,WHEN YOU DO IT GROWS,LET IT GO PLEASE,IT IS ONLY GOING TO HARM YOU.I HAVE BEEN THERE IT'S NOT GOOD.NO MATTER WHAT WE DO GOD DONT HATE US HE ALWAYS HAVE AN OPEN ARMS FOR US ,TRY DOING THE SAME FOR YOUR SON ,ALL HE DID WAS WRONG BUT HE IS THE SINNER SHOW HIM THAT GOD CARES,DONT LET THE devil USE YOU SHAME HIM LOVE ON YOUR SON EVEN WHEN YOUR FEELINGS ARE SAYING SOMETHING ELSE.ALL MY FAMILY ARE SINNER FOR NOW AND THEY CURSE ME AND ALL I DO IS LOVE THEM BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN THE devil CANT GET YOU HE USE THE ONES WHO ARE CLOSE TO US.SHAME THE devil PLEASE AND GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGHT I KNOW HE WILL.
LUV
I am glad I could help when you go through something like that. When someone you were such good friends with hurts you not only that but losing the friendship you had hurts also I know how hard it can be to forgive and try to move on. Stopping by my friends house that day we were down there was the hardest thing for me to do because I thought I was the one giving in and trying to suck up to her when it was her who hurt me. Now looking back I am glad my mom made us stop by there because it has kind of mended the feeling I had toward her. Like I said is our friendship like it was? No will it ever be the same? No but I have forgiven her and because of that we can still talk or text and thats a great thing.
The first time I realized that I needed to let it go and just forgive her because if I didnt then it was going to change me and who I was/am because I was dwelling and holding in all that anger toward her was when I went to a 33 Miles concert it was my first time seeing them in concert the lead singer was getting ready to sing their song called Apologize and before starting to sing it he expressed why he wrote that song and what the words in it meant. He too went through a tough time with a friend who had betrayed him and did some mean and hateful things. Instead of forgiving and forgetting he dwelled on it and kept thinking about it and doing this just made him a angery person and to where people didnt like to be around him because of this thats when he realized you have to let it go, forgive, and Apologize. When he was sitting up there on that stage explaining all of this everything he said rang a bell in my head and I instantely thought of me and my friend and everything that went on between us thats when I knew I had to forgive her and move on. Thats what I did too!
Look up on youtube 33 Miles Apologize and really listen to the words!
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