Going through Divorced :-(

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Permalink Reply by Soldier on February 9, 2011 at 1:23am

May I address you as MS Vicky as I assume Diaz is his last name? I am just the opposite of you. I am 22 years of active duty and my wife left 2 months before our 21 anniversary. Like you, not having a lot of money, I went to file divorce on my own. The new wrinkle, I just found out she is pregnant with his child. My delima, they have no money either, if I file too early, she will loose the insurance and if she lost the baby due to lack of medical care, I would really feel guilty. Not because she is about to be the ex "wife", but because God has His intent for the child to be born. The child is innocent.

I wanted you to see a bit of my background before I went any further. First, you as a military spouse, have a lot of rights yourself. Dont be scared to visit your local military JAG office. They will not be able to represent you in court, however, they can advise you on your legal rights. Also, if you were married for more than ten years during his military career, DOD law states you ARE entitled to 50% of his retirement. Kinda  twisted for me, she left, yet this law applies to me giving to her as well.

All this said, let me give some things that may help the heart. James 4;8 or 8;4, Bible isnt close right now, says if we (you) desire to draw close to God (getting into His Holy Word and spending time in prayer, I like saying it as "time in the closet)He will draw close to us(you). I wont go into all the details but when I was told this and coupled with 1 Peter 5: 6-11, I was beginning to see God move and do things that only He could do. Have you ever said "what a coincidence", "I cant beleive that happened", "that couldnt have worked better if Id done it myself", MS Vicky, each time you say that, that's God doing His thing. We just havent grown close enough to HIm to see it as such.

I have 3 teenagers envolved and one being a special needs child. Despite the wrong she did in the past, for the sake of these kids, I still treat her with the respect as teh mother of these kids, nothing more. I say that to say this, you cannot be responsible for his actions. I didnt catch how old your kids are but they are watching. Let them see a strong Christian woman that is drawing her strength from Our Almighty God. Dont let him drag you to a place away from God. Your kids will grow and remember the strength you drew from God and Id be willing to bet they will want to tap that well of strength themselves. God Bless you Ma'am.

Permalink Reply by Vicky Emperatriz Diaz on February 9, 2011 at 8:48am

Thank you for your response. It's a hard situation to be in and when there are children involved that came out of the affair it gets more complicated. I too have accepted the child because she is innocent in all of this, she did not ask to be brought into this situation. I have done everything possible to let them both klnow that I accept their baby and I love her like one of my own. She will be four years old in July. Your situation is really hard and I understand the caring heart you have because you are thinking about the well beign of their baby even though it hurts so much. It is a difficult situation to be in and I remenber having to go through her pregnancy and not having anyone who understood how I felt. I went through a lot of emotions and I really let myself get disconnected from GOD because I let all my emotions control me. I hurt for the obvious reasons of course because I couldn't believe she was going to have his baby and we were still married. At that time I still had no idea they were having an affair. Then I had to deal with the fact that we have 5 girls together and she used that to her advantage for 5 1/2 months she convinced him she was going to give him the boy I wasn't able to give him. Deep down inside I knew that me not having a boy was out of my control but it still doesn't make it any better. So that in itself was devasting to me just the thought that the baby would be a boy sent me even farther away from GOD. I have grown a lot in CHRIST and since then and I know that with out GOD on my side things would be even worst. I understand your pain and please know that you will be in my prayers because it is difficult. Continue to follow CHRIST and lean on HIM for everything you need right now. I am devasted right now because I have gone out of my way to help my girls out with accepting their sister even to the point of meeting with his girlfriend to make her feel comfortable that I wouldn't hurt his daughter. Well I have tried everything but their dad seems to think that I am putting bad things into my girls heads and says I am spiteful because I won't allow my kids around him and his girlfriend. I asked him because my girls asked me too. I thought that because our children didn't want to be around her he would as a father understand that this is for the best of our children but he has made this into a horrible situation to the point that all my girls are showing different symptoms of stress and are all getting sick in different ways. My youngest child is showing the worst symptoms right now and it's killing me because there is nothing I can do and my faith ius being tested because it keeps going down hill for us while in the mean time it seems that things are going great for them. I know I shouldn't think like that but that's how I feel right now and things are really difficult right now. Thank you for your words of encouragement because they give me hope and right now I only want to be sorrounded by people that will lift me up and encourage me, which is why I joined this site so thank you very much for replying to my post. GOD bless you and your children and may GOD continue to give you the strenght and courage to overcome your situation.

Permalink Reply by Paul on February 9, 2011 at 3:39am

Hello Vicky, i'm so sorry to here of your tragic dilema, yes God hates divorce and all the hurt and brokenness that comes with it..it hurts soooo much with sleepless nights in pain and bewilderment, 18 months ago i to had a divorce and lost my mother in the same month, I was in a very dark place for months, I tryed every thing to reconcile our marrage but to no availe, here in England people get divorced for nothing and every thing, snoreing, bad breath, forgeting to do the shoping, its all over in days,

it's so wrong and disturbing...but one thing for sure God see's our pain and stands buy us he will never leave us and hurts with us, we just dont see it at the time, but he is there, I went to a Christian retreat for councilling, and while i was there..I broke down and sobbed my heart out, a lady came up to me with tears in her eye's, and said ive just seen something truely amazeing...as you were crying i saw a figure of a man dressed in white standing with you with he's arms around you!

Today vicky I am in Malta with my future wife Cathy ive just been given the all clear from a cancer opperation, am training boxers as that was my profession and am getting involved with youth ministery, sooooo please dont give up on your faith, as there is light at the end of the tunnel, just stay on the train..namely Jesus Amen, and time will take you to peace and happyness with your children and a new life with our Lord and saviour..Hallalouya!!!. be blessed Vicky, your friend in Christ Jesus..Paul :-)x

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Permalink Reply by Vicky Emperatriz Diaz on February 9, 2011 at 9:04am

Thank you because your words are so comforting! I know there is a light a t the end of the tunnel it's just that sometimes it gets so difficult. I am at a place where I wish he would just disappear completely from our lives. But I know that would only makes things worst for our girls. I am so happy to hear you've met someone new and I belive with all my heart that GOD brought her into your life to complete HIS purpose. The coming out clear from the cancer operation is awesome and only goes to show that ultimately JESUS is in control in everything! I have a lot of sleepless night because of the pain I have for seeing my children cry and their anger is eating them up. I know those are the nights when our HEAVENLY FATHER golds me in HIS arms and comforts me. I am so glad that someone told you at the retreat that they saw a man dressed in white standing with you with his arms around you. I know that must have been one the greatest moments for you!! Wow that is some testimony you have and thanks again for Sharing. May GOD continue to bless you and prosper you and your family in everything that you all do. GOD BLESS!!!