Coping With Change

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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on October 22, 2010 at 6:00am

Hey sis -

You say in your profile that you are here to...
Encourage others and gain inspiration from other people's experiences...

And i am sure you are now and will encourage others. People are often encouraged by knowing they are not the only ones struggling with certain issues. Also God can and will turn this around for His Glory.

You say that you are Interested on

Reading the Bible, singing and learning more and more about God's character. As long it involves God, it's all good with me ^__^

There is way too much to talk about God and to learn about Him, so you cannot go anywhere soon until the Lord calls you home. For now I will give you a rose.

You said you are passionate about...

Talking about God and hearing people's testimonies
So here is something I wrote when i was going through a though time in my walk:

Is time to die!

I wrote this in a dark time of my life as a back sliding Christian and hope it gives someone hope.

I have always fought - it seemed as though there was nothing else I could ever do throughout my life, but my strengths have failed me, my soul is seeking, my desire for the truth escapes me and the need to seek and destroy myself has gain ground once again. The spiral never ends. I cannot remember who I am, the blur stops me.
Evil has returned - without the anointing I am done and as always is my fight to fight. I am sick of fighting, my strengths fails me. I miss the cell, where freedom came; I missed the blue that physically enslaved me, for the freedom that came with it, in the Spirit of truth was palpable.
This life has once again blindsided me. I no longer wish to fight ME and I am giving up... Goodbye self and cruel world, destruction is constructing my death and the sin within is pulling the strings and smashing my dreams.
This is what I get when my life burns faster, as I state all the right things and yet my actions helped me smash the dreams, as they just laugh at my cry. Overdosing on self pity is not for me, so I will grab my nina and see where all this leads. Yes! They will help me die.
Getting lost within myself, these lyrics I memorized make me cry:
Life it seems will fade away -Drifting further every day - Getting lost within myself - Nothing matters, no one else -I have lost the will to live - Simply nothing more to give -
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free - Things not what they used to be - Missing one inside of me - Deathly lost, this can't be real - Cannot stand this hell I feel - Emptiness is filling me - To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn - I was me but now he's gone - No one but me can save myself - But it's too late - Now I can't think - Think why I should even try - Yesterday seems as though - It never existed - Death greets me warm - Now I will just say goodbye.

So Goodbye and just then I hear:

that voice that called me to stand and FIGHT AND the LIGHTS COME ON AGAIN AND THINGS ARE NO MORE WHAT THEY USED TO BE, TO THE PONT OF ACTING AND DECLARING DARKNESS HAS FLEED. AT THE PRESENCE OF MY MASTER NOW I SING - GUILTY AS CHARGED, BUT THIS CAN NOT BE HAPPENING TO ME, FOR MY LORD NEVER GIVES UP EVEN WHEN I TRY. So you see His love is Amazing.

OH PLEASE GOD HELP ME OR GET IT OVER WITH - iT'S TIME TO DIE.

I named it is time to die because the word of God says in Matthew 16: 24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever wants to save his life[h] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. 26 What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

IT IS TIME TO DIE, BUT NOT PHYSICALLY BUT TO THE FLESH, TO THE WORL.

You can check out my testimony here: http://www.allaboutgod.net/profiles/blogs/my-testimony-8

Tell me what you think of it. I read yours a while back and enjoyed it. I thank God for you and there is much more we have to talk about.

Much love to you lil sis

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on October 22, 2010 at 2:33pm

Matthew 6:29

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

When you pick up a flower and you really look at the vibrant colors and its beauty and then you think back at the passage above it reminds us that God has placed so much detail and work into us: 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 (New International Version)

When Solomon was arrayed with his royal and richest robes, with his crown on his head, and when seated on his throne, was not arrayed like one of these lilies, or flowers of the field: for the glory and beauty of his garments were purely from art, but their's by nature; which can never be equaled by art.

I give you a rose of friendship so you can look at its beauty and so you can remember that What God has done in you cannot be compare with exterior things. Circumstances and situations change, but the image of God in you remains, for you are a child of God, wonderfully and fearfully made. Our outer beauty should not consume us with concerned, for our beauty should be from within. That beauty, the beauty of God in our lives carries out to the exterior and makes us shine with beauty from the Lord.

1 Peter 3:3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight


The whiteness (sign of purity) of the lily and or the vibrant color of the rose is there from God and so it is with us. Our beauty comes from God. It seems to me that God has placed others around you to give you the opportunity to shine for Him with the beauty that comes from Him, but our enemy who goes around seeking who he may devour wants to bring issues into the situation God has allowed for your edification. So choose God beloved and all will be well.

>>The thing with me is, most of the time I find myself not wanting to get better.

Matthew 26:41"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

Our nature has been renewed. We are knew creations (2 Cor 5:17) living in an unregenerate body. So there is conflict within us. A whole genre of music was made to cater the side of humans that enjoy not wanting to get better. The blues - you may be too young to know about such music, but every style of music has its own blues section. For our flesh does not want to do better. The thing is that if we do not eat we die. If we do not eat the bread of life we find ourselves not wanting to do better.

>>When I'm happy, I'm always feeling anxious because I know it’s only a matter of time before things get bad for me

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Matthew 6:27, 34 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

As children of God we understand that we have and serve a good God, an amazing and beautiful God who is in control of everything. So we rest in His care. Do not live in yesterday or tomorrow, but in today. Learn from yesterday, plan for tomorrow and enjoy today, for this is the day the Lord has mad and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

In your own words : nothing is impossible for God :)

Blessings beloved lil sis.

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on October 22, 2010 at 6:22am

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on October 22, 2010 at 3:04pm

My personal fav is I am so sick.

In The Dark lyrics
Songwriters: Bhattacharya, Sameer; Culpepper, James; Hartmann, Jared; Lewis, Mark T.; Mosley, Lacey Nicole; Seals, Kirkpatrick;

I've written songs in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark
I've felt inspired in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

I hide myself in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark
Used to be afraid of the dark
Of the dark, of the dark, of the dark
Those in the light know we die in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

There's only artificial light here
My flaws hide well here
I used to be afraid of cluttered noises
Now I'm afraid of silence

Fill this space idle words
I'm scared to death of light and silence
Jesus kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like You did, like You did

Now I am mute despite myself
All of them are gone
The silence overtakes me
The idle words forsake me
And I am left to face me

I'm held accountable for every idle word
Curse the idle words

I'm scared to death of light and silence
Jesus kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like You did, like You did

Glory shows up
Exposes us, I'm naked here
Forsaken here
By the dark, by the dark, by the dark

I'm scared to death of light and silence
Jesus kill me in side this
Raise me up to live again
Like You did, like You did

What do you think she is saying sis?

Permalink Reply by Jessica Robertson on October 23, 2010 at 4:03pm

this is a great level of insight for a girl so young :)

i've too embraced that dark loneliness when i was deeply oppressed. it's so strange how it works that way. though once we come back into the light from within, we can't understand how we came to see things that way right?

i'm going to email you some links. see what you find there ;)

Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on October 24, 2010 at 7:25pm

Angel,

Ok My turn. I truly enjoyed your translation and agree with much of it. Of course a good song as good poetry has only one intended meaning for the original writer, yet some writers write in a way that allows for people to make the song their own. When I have shared some of my writings it always amazes me what others get out of them. I said that to say that there are no right or wrong interpretations of some songs and poems since the writer intended it for people to make it their own. I think this is one of those songs, yet the conclusion gives us a good idea what the song may mean to the writer. :)

I've written songs in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

In a bad place in her life, in obscurity, some good things came out of it, like the songs she has written and were born because of the struggles.

I've felt inspired in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

The storms of life inspired her to write as an escape and a way of unburdening her heart and she became comfortable with the gloomed and doom and began to embrace it.

I hide myself in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

Darkness requires no effort and it’s easy to lose ourselves in it, she will not have to confront her fears and insecurities, so the dark will do.

Used to be afraid of the dark
Of the dark, of the dark, of the dark

There was a time when darkness was not a welcome thing in her life, but now she is comforted by it.

Those in the light know we die in the dark
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

The truth sets us free and when we are in the light, we are able to see clearly the false assurance and destructive nature of the dark.

There's only artificial light here
My flaws hide well here

There are false lights in the world which can temporarily patch our wounds, but don't do much more than that and since those lights are not the true Light (Jesus is the Light of the world who helps us see clearly and also exposes our flaws).

He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts... 1 Corinthians 4:5b

I used to be afraid of cluttered noises
Now I'm afraid of silence

When she found comfort in the dark, she embrace solitude and disliked clutter noises of people and places, but now she is afraid of silence, because is in our quite times when we stop and meditate and self examine ourselves, we are able to see those flaws we can hide in the fake lights. The cares of the world which keep us too busy to stop and examine ourselves.

Fill this space idle words
I'm scared to death of light and silence

Fake light and the rat race of life keep me distracted from facing myself. When God exposes our sinfulness as we abide in the true light and we see the ugliness of our sin our reaction can be to run away from that.

Jesus kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like You did, like You did

She finally got to the place God wants us to get to. A surrendered life and she's got it right, is not by our might or power that we die to our old life and self, but by the work of the Spirit in our lives. When we die to self and this life, we find the person and purposes God created us for. The ticket there is obedience.

Now I am mute despite myself
All of them are gone

No more excuses left, the light, the true light has done His work. The idle words are gone,

The silence overtakes me
The idle words forsake me
And I am left to face me

Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). When I am still is when I hear the quiet voice." This is the state of consciousness in which one can truly say, "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening ...

12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 1 Kings 19

Glory shows up
Exposes us, I'm naked here
Forsaken here
By the dark, by the dark, by the dark

Darkness had to leave, when the light took over.

So our interpretations are very similar.

Love to you yonster :)

Permalink Reply by MYu on October 22, 2010 at 7:22am

Hello Angel,

I read your message on the discussion board under coping with change and when I learned that you're 16 years old, my heart softened because you're the same age as my students. It made me realize that young people like you could have very serious concerns like adults too. I know how it feels to be engulfed with sadness and to feel like just wanting to let life pass you by... literally. And your words saying that you don't even know how to pray anymore... I have often thought about that about myself... I don't know what to pray for and how to pray anymore because it seems like nothing is happening and that I am doing my prayers all wrong. But just the same, I still kept on praying and praying and reading the bible to seek encouragement and uplifting of the spirit. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't because doubt still sets in... but what I had not realize was that the praying and the reading of the bible was in fact my lifeline... at times that I might have let go, praying made me hold on. I hope it happens the same way for you. Sooner or later you'd find that you've coped and the "crisis" or the burden in your heart and mind has passed, and that you've become a much stronger person because of it.

This verse from Amos 9: 13, was the words I kept reading during the darkest moment of my life because it speaks of a promise that everything will work out fine and deliverance will happen soon.

"The days are coming, says the Lord, when grain will grow faster than it can be harvested, and grapes will grow faster than the wine can be made. The mountains will drip with sweet wine, and the hills will flow with it.

And also this verse, I repeatedly read it until the words became like a mantra already. I hope the words lift you up as they did so with me...

Isaiah 51 ; 8 : "But the deliverance I bring will last forever; my victory will endure for all time"

I pray that you constantly feel God's presence in your life and soon, just as I wish for myself... be Shouting for Joy!

God bless you,
Macky

P.S. You might want to read one of my blog entries... the lengthy one... just so you would know that you are not alone in what you're feeling. Others go through the same disappointments and sadness and frustrations and pain and sufferings, but God gave us a way out of all these. Just reach out dear one. (",)

Permalink Reply by Debbie on October 22, 2010 at 8:07am

Dearest Angel,
Suicide is not the absence of life, but the absence of pain. And it is a serious pain that can not always be understood by people. But God understands and He loves you...pray continually, He often uses that time of silence to speak to us. "Be still before the Lord and wait patienly for Him" Psalms 37:7.

I can relate to what you are going through and I can say there will come a day that you will understand why you are going through such a painfull experience. The closer you draw to God, the further you are from the enemy. "We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perserverance, perserverance, character, and charactor, hope.
And hope does not diappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" Romans 5:2-5.

God loves you so very much and is with you every step of the way. God's promise says "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze" Isaiah 43:2 He has saved us for His Holy calling. Through Him you can find the main purpose of your life.

A quote I love by Martin Luther King: "I have held many things in my hands and I have lost them all. But whatever I have placed in God's hands, that i still possess" Give it all to God! He wants it...all of it!

There are also many people here who care a great deal about you...it's a good thing to reach out for help!
You will be in my prayers! Don't give up...you have a wonderful life ahead of you.

God Bless
Debbie

Permalink Reply by Ron Payne on October 22, 2010 at 10:20am

HI Angel,
While many here on AAG would love to help you, I believe the hundred and one answers and advice you may receive will simply confuse the issue.
The Best advice you have is the one you gave yourself at the close of your appeal: "Perhaps I should seek therapy."
Should you feel concerned about speaking to your own Pastor, then by all means go to another Pastor and ask for help and advice.
One to one counselling with a Pastor is extremely helpful and it is free. Also in speaking to a Pastor you have another Listener and that is the Holy Spirit, who will assist the Pastor in assisting you.

I am also certain that everyone here on AAG will be holding you up in their prayers

The Lord Bless and watch over you

Ron.

Permalink Reply by Jessica Robertson on October 22, 2010 at 11:43am

Hi. My friend David led me here to your post. We're worried about you. But you know what? I think I can speak for both he and I when I say that we believe that God will heal you and pull you out of the darkness that is holding you prisoner right now. I have some things I feel led to share with you about my own life when I was just your age...

My entire life has been a raging storm; complete desperation and chaos--despair...until now. And honestly, most people look at my life right now and wonder how I smile through it.

JESUS is how.
He's given me an inner peace no one else can understand. They see the outside circumstances. I know what's on the inside of a soul filled with His love. But I didn't always know this secret...


I was brought up by alcoholic drug addicts with varying degrees of mental illness and intense demonic influence. I was not raised to be a Christian, I was abused in every way, belittled, forgotten, dominated because of my ability to look at the situations we were in logically, and I tended to offer that logic to my parents in the hopes that they would see a better way to live and make life better for me and my sister as well. This logic however, was not appreciated. In fact, they took offense that their child was telling them how to do things and they shunned me and placed all the blame for the discord in the house on me. I believe they reacted this way because they never really wanted to change and when they realized that I was able to see clearly that what they were doing was wrong and that all they had to do is make a choice to act differently, they felt backed into a corner and fought against me. This was hard for a young child to understand or accept. All I wanted was for my parents to love each other and to love me. But this love was not to be in my life. The loneliness was the beginning of my journey, a journey that only now am I beginning to understand.

I used to be a very outgoing, athletic and happy little girl, regardless of the state of things at home. It was like I was born with an inner light that nothing could quench. But over the years of abuse and emotional neglect, I became very withdrawn and by the age of 15, I wanted to end my life. I just didn't see the point anymore. If this emptiness was all there was for me, why was I even here? In fact, kids at school called me "Satan" because of the darkness that had overtaken my spirit. This was a sign of what I was really fighting against.

I prayed every night for months that God would just take me in my sleep. I would weep until I could cry no more tears and beg God to have mercy on me and let me die.

"Let it be tonight, God. I can't take anymore of this..." and more weeping.

But each morning, I woke up just like the day before. I felt like even God had abandoned me when I needed Him most. Then one day while my parents were gone, I went to my stepfather's room and grabbed his gun from under his bed. He always kept it loaded and I took it to my bedroom and sat on the floor. I stared at the gun for awhile, imagining how strange it seemed that this cold little metal object had the power to end my life. I thought about what angle would be most likely to cause my death once I pulled the trigger. I sat and considered the lack of anything positive that I had in life and made my decision to end it. I placed the gun in my mouth and I remember how cold and heartless the metal felt against my teeth and tongue. I thought,

"This gun doesn't care about me either. And it has no heart and yet even it wants me dead."

I slowly began to squeeze the trigger, wondering when the gun would go off and whether or not I would be able to fire another shot if the first one didn't kill me. Then I imagined my mom coming home and finding the horrible sight in my room. But I figured if she'd never cared up to that point, why should I worry about her now. Then it was strange...almost as if I could sense someone cheering me on. Like someone was chanting (though I couldn't actually hear it)

"Do it! Go ahead! Pull the trigger!"

I wondered who this might be cheering me on at this critical moment in my life. Then my beloved cat Felix walked in and brushed against my leg as I sat there on the floor, and he looked up at me strangely as if he was asking me what in the world I was doing. Then I imagined the gun going off and scaring him and him having to see what was left of my body afterward. And I couldn't do it. Not in front of the one creature that had loved me no matter what. Not in front of the only friend I had in the world. He'd stood by me through every good day and bad and here he was, at my worst moment, when no one else was anywhere to be found, looking me in the eye without apology and saying in his own way,

"But I love you. Please let that be enough."

So I put the gun down and cried for a long time. After the tears would no longer come, I hid the gun away back in its place and told no one what I'd almost done. Who'd care anyway? I had always kept all my true feelings to myself too. In fact, I wasn't allowed to voice how I felt about anything because in the end, it didn't matter what I thought or how I felt. It was all about who was in control and what they could use me for. I was all kinds of things when I was way too young to be...a parent to my sister, and parent to my stepbrothers when they were both in diapers (I was 10 at that time), I was even a parent to my parents in the way I tried to lead them to better ways, the ways I helped them when they were too drunk or high to fend for themselves. No reward ever was handed to me for any of it and I really didn't want one. I just wanted to be left alone, to be a kid and to be happy. I wasn't sure what a "normal" life was, but I wanted to try that out at some point.

So the night following the whole gun incident, I sat on my bed like always and prayed. But this time, I didn't beg God to take my life as I slept. I remember praying to my Father, as I hoped that He was real and that He cared...

"Please God...please show me that life has meaning."

The next morning was so surreal, so incomprehensible...
When I opened my eyes, I literally thought I was in a different house. My tiny little room didn't look or feel like the same place. The sunlight, which was usually blocked out completely by a huge tree over my entire end of the little house we lived in, was bright in my room, like it was coming from inside my room. The air was lighter, easier to breathe and it literally felt like something had been sitting on my chest my whole life, and on this day, it had been removed. The darkness that I had come to recognize was gone. Physically and emotionally. I also sensed the presence of one or more divine beings sitting next to me. They gave off a perfect peace and calm that I had never known before. I was overcome with a feeling that everything was going to be okay. No matter what was going on, it was all okay. And I was not alone. I never wanted that moment to end. It was so perfect and so right.

I had to get ready for school and I jumped on the bus. When I got to school and walked toward the front doors, a counselor who'd been called in from the college to talk to me was walking toward me. She and I had known each other for a few months by this point, but she didn't say anything to me, smiled and walked right past me as if she didn't know me. I thought, "That was weird..?"

Then I heard her heels stop walking and she called my name, "Jessica?"

I turned to her and she looked confused. She said, "Did things get better at home?" I thought this was strange because it had only been a couple of weeks since I'd last talked with her. But I told her nothing had changed at home.

She then told me, "Well I almost walked right past you because I didn't recognize you. Your entire face has completely changed and you look like a totally different person! And look! You're smiling! I've never seen you smile..." I was stumped and had no idea what in the world she was telling me. How could my face transform? What did I look like before?! LOL And then I realized that I was smiling. Then she told me, "Well, whatever you're doing, keep doing it because it's working. I was really worried about you but now I'm not worried anymore. You're gonna be okay." And I believed her. This is what the angels had told me that same morning.

We said goodbye and went our separate ways. Then it hit me: the night before I'd prayed for God to show me that life had meaning. When I woke up, the whole house was different. I was different. Now others are noticing it too so I know I'm not imagining it. WOW! God is real and He is listening!!

I can't tell you how just knowing that changed my life. But I had to pray for it to find it. I had to change my heart and my intention and stop seeking a way out and I had to start seeking a way into the Light. Giving it all up to Him and trusting Him to do what He willed with my life made ALL the difference in the result I got.

I know it's hard to be stuck with no real control of your life because you're a kid and you've got rules and responsibilities placed on you that sometimes aren't fair or right. But through the uncountable battles I've fought my way through in my life, I've learned that each one of them has taught me many things and made me stronger in my spirit. And it hasn't been in vain. I've got a whole story to tell you but time doesn't permit it right now. It would take me a loooong time to let you in on my secrets. But check this out...

I'm 35 years old and just some months ago, I became a Christian. And Jesus and my Father have come to me many times with messages and visions and just to encourage and strengthen me as I battle through my current storm...the biggest one yet. Jesus came to me in dreams 7 nights in a row. In the last one, He took me off to be alone with Him and pointed to some sort of conflict in the distance. Then He showed me a book. In this book was my life mission. Each step I was to take, etc. It was a mission much greater than anything I felt I was capable of. In fact, in my mind, I thought,

"Jesus you've got the wrong girl for this job."

He turned to me and said,

"Don't doubt yourself. Your whole life has prepared you for this. You're already strong enough. Follow me."

At that moment, I understood that all the tears and hurt and darkness had not been in vain. It all had a purpose: to build me up to handle this great task that Jesus had given me to accomplish. Me?? At once, I was infused with a divine strength that I've never known before and I knew that I was strong enough to do whatever He wants me to, as long as I follow Him. This is why He took the memory of what I am to do away as soon as I woke up. Because He knows me...I've fought my way through life for as long as I've been alive and I've depended on no one but me, and if I know what my mission is, I'll try to handle it my way instead of His way. If I don't follow God, I will fail. But through Him, I AM UNSTOPPABLE.

Your friends are only kids too so they likely won't be of much help. Emotional support maybe, but not much else. These issues take wisdom and experience. I think you may in fact benefit from seeking counseling. It's helped me. But the Great Counselor is waiting for you to come to Him for all the help and strength you need. He's helped me more than all others combined and I'm a new follower. You will find your answers in Him. If you'll only ask.

Jesus says in Matthew 11:29 "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

I would do anything for Him now. He's never told me a lie. Ask Him to talk to you in dreams. Pray for it every night and watch what happens. I keep a lil notebook next to my bed and when I dream something I know is from Him or when He appears, I write it down in the middle of the night so I don't forget anything. You'll come back to those writings months later and find new meaning in them! It's amazing really and makes bedtime something you'll look forward to ;)

Don't give up. It really is worth it all. We just have to pick up our shield, which is our Lord and His word, and fight our way out of the battles this life wages against us. After all, we're WARRIORS. Not wallflowers! :D Soldier on girl! Go strong in JESUS!!! WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

And watch/listen to this song by my fav worship singer, Jason Upton. I listen to it a lot right before I close my eyes to sleep...

Permalink Reply by Jessica Robertson on October 22, 2010 at 3:41pm

Have you noticed something?

You're not alone. :)

Some of the best friends I've ever had I've made from a thousand miles away. When the fair weather friends I had face to face walked away in my darkest hours, the ones who linked with me through the HEART lifted me up. There's a certain degree of purity involved in a distance friendship because you see that people are willing to take their time and spill their souls for someone they've never even met. Why would they do it if it weren't honest? I'm not saying that everyone online is honest. AT ALL. But I think you know what I mean. In this place, you can bet it's from the heart.

Go and see a therapist. I think it will help you. Just to talk to someone who doesn't have an agenda like a false friend or sadly, even a relative may have. Just make sure that if you ever hear a word that doesn't "feel" true to you, weigh whatever is said on the Word of God. If it matches up, then don't sweat it. But even those who've known the bible for years need guidance from those who know it through and through so get help when making this comparison. I feared going to church for 17 years and once I walked back into one, I felt regret of all that I've missed in that time and how far I could've been in my relationship with my Daddy. And don't worry about judgmental folks. They're not worth your time and they're anywhere you go. Just don't confuse "judgment" with someone who's really trying to lead you in the right direction. That direction won't always be the one we want to go in. Find a bible-based church that teaches straight out of the bible and go. Every chance you get. The presence of God resides in a good church. You'll feel it. And the counseling you can get there is not only centered on helping you to see differently (because that's how we "fall blindly into traps" is when our eyes can't see right) but it's a counseling that focuses also on your spiritual life and it's free. Without your spirit life being in good shape, girl no amount of therapy from the world will fix you up. It's the world that will bind you time and time again.

EVERYONE NEEDS JESUS.

They won't tell you that in therapy. You need to surround yourself with people of light. People who love God and who want YOU to love Him too. You haven't seen anything yet kid! Just wait...

My 33 year old sister recently seriously bashed me for believing and said all kind of things about Jesus I won't repeat. Then I told her: "Just pray for Him to show you what you're missing." And she did finally. And she said that nothing came until she was fully open to it being real. I'll tell you that she knew NOTHING about the bible. That makes her story even better...

Jesus came to her in this dream, first "as clouds." then as He got closer, He manifested in body. She said He was wearing a white robe with a golden belt. She said He walked to me first and looked down at me and smiled, then I looked at her and smiled "as if I were saying, 'See? I told you He was real!'" then He walked to her and she broke down and told Him she was sorry for not believing. He told her that He understood why she'd doubted. Then He embraced her and "consumed her with His overwhelming love...a love like I've never felt before and isn't possible here in this life."

The state of her heart was key in opening the door to what's on the other side.

I'm not giving up on you girlfriend. You're gonna make Jesus one proud Creator through all of this. Keep your eyes on Him all the way even when you don't want to. We all have bad days and times when we get pinned down by life and feel like giving up. Never never NEVER surrender to the forces of Hell. Not when you've got Heaven's armies backing you up. Lift your heart and your eye to Heaven and gather your strength from the Light. It's more than enough.

Trust Him. He loves you. YOU. More than you can comprehend. And He put you here for a good reason. So don't ever think again about taking your life and breaking His heart. He's cried many tears over that already. He's such a sweet man....you'll see. You just have to warrior through the muck to find the treasure of your heart. And you'll know it when you find it. He'll change you forever.

Feel free to read through my blogs. I love writing poetry to the Love of my life. He brings out the best in me and makes me want to live again another day to love Him even more. I just wish I could hug you!

Permalink Reply by Jessica Robertson on October 22, 2010 at 3:48pm

and I didn't know how to pray when I started either. I was so overwhelmed with everything I thought if I started praying, I'd be doing it for days! Just talk to Him like you talk to a friend. "He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother" after all. He already knows what you need anyway. So take that weight off and just talk to Him. Like someone who loves you. You can trust Him no matter what. And He always hears you. The hard part can be for us to listen to Him. He's always speaking to us...

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