All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
I need an answer
My husband of 13 years is addicted to drugs. For the past 6 months, he has begun to stay gone all night at least 2 nights every week. He lies about where he is going, tries to hide his whereabouts, and what he is doing. He is texting and calling other females, when questioned, he just says it is business. He either buys from or sells drugs to these women. He says that there is nothing else going on. He told me to not worry at some point he will be home and I shouldn't sit up all night worrying about what he is doing and where he is. I love him, we have a family, have 3 children at home. He leaves the children home alone while I am at work, they are old enough now to be alone, they are ages 15, 13, and 10, but he spends no time with them. I do not want to end my marriage,I don't want my children to have a broken family. They know that something is wrong, but they aren't sure what it is. I have prayed for him to be healed from his addiction. But he does not want healing. He blames himself for his brothers death and claims that using drugs is the only way that he can get through the day. I have tried to tell him that I feel so lonely, I am always alone. He is gone all day and most of every night and all night at least 2 days a week. I eat alone, spend my time alone and most of the time sleep alone. He seems to think that my request of his changing his behavior is unreasonable and calls it mood swings because I get upset. How can I find peace and forgiveness and what should I do?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by littlesheep88 on
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Isaiah 9:6-7 :
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
You can find peace and forgiveness through Jesus Christ. He is all that you need. Please know that you are not alone. You never eat alone, spend time alone, or even sleep alone. God is ALWAYS with you and will see you through this.
Denise, you are an awesome woman of God. Your husband is going through a rough time and you are behind him and willing to stick by him. This is the part of the wedding vows that states "for better or for worse" and I want to encourage you to continue praying and seeking God's wisdom, but to include fasting also . Fasting is one on one time with you and God to seek His face and get direction in your life. There are several fasts in the Bible that help us to understand the cause and effect of dedicating this time apart to Him (see attachment on Spiritual Fasting). Fasting, praying, and reading and meditating on God's word will help you.
I want you to understand that God uses messengers (preachers, christian counselors, deacons, anyone in the ministry or in the Kingdom of God) to help you in your struggles. But that is ALL that they are. Just messengers of what God wants you to know when you can't hear Him clearly, but at the same time fellow members within the body of christ. God wants us helping each other and not carrying heavy burdens on our own; practicing loving each other. We, as Christians, are meant to be so full of God that we reflect Him in everything that we do (using our talents as well as spiritual gifts to help fellow believers). God wants you to know that any word that you obtain from men and women in the true Kingdom of God is a word directly from Him. Don't look for guidance in others as your only source. God wants to be your only source. It says in Matt 6:31-33:
" ..do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
Jesus carried our burdens and sickness (mental, emotion, physical) on the cross. When it was complete and the temple veil was torn, it gave us free access to His holy presence. We don't have to go to a priest or a prominent person in the ministry to seek God. You can seek Him where you are right now. Think of the worst place on earth, He is there. He is a God of love that wants to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment with you. He loves you.
I realized just a few days ago that I was doing this. I was running to church to see what God wanted to say to me that day from the mouth of His minister. I was running to christian television to hear what God wanted to do in my life. I was surfing the web reading ministers comments about what I should do with my life when the whole time God was with me, on the inside of me. Guiding me. I just couldn't hear Him. But on this 21 day fast I'm doing, I'm hearing His voice so much clearer. I wouldn't suggest something that was just 'wishful thinking'. It's funny how God works, I came to the realization of this just yesterday. I believe God helped me to understand this in part just to tell you about it. God wants us to go to church (Heb 10:25), He wants us to consult and consider the advice of others (Proverb 11:14), but He also wants to be first place in our lives.
God loves you. I love you and will pray for you and your family.
Be Blessed!!
(http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/spiritualfas...)
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Permalink Reply by Denise on
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Thank you Little Sheep! That was beautiful and so true. I realized while reading this that I have wondered how I would ever hear from God and would I know that it was him if I did, and you helped me to realize that I have been hearing from him. Fasting, I am afraid is something that I know nothing about, but am willing to learn . So if you have anything you can share with me on that, I will be so thankful. Thank you for your prayers! God Bless you my friend!
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I attached an article on fasting on the message above, but you can find it here also. Here are three resources that I think will benefit you.
http://christianity.about.com/od/whatdoesthebiblesay/a/spiritualfas...
http://www.ccci.org/training-and-growth/devotional-life/personal-gu...
http://www.cbn.com/spirituallife/prayerandcounseling/intercession/H...
Hope this helps...
Be blessed!
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well i feel your pain my boyfriend is dong drugs all the time he says he dont want to he wants to stop and he dont he says he wants god in his life he will be ok during the week but the weekands come and he gets money he goes buys drugs then he wont want nothing to do with me while he does it i tell him every day it is wrong but he dont belive me he gets mad he says he wants to stop but cant he dont want to work he cuts hair and the money he gets for that he spends on drugs i have been with him for almost a year and he drinks alot and he dont show no kind of love he is a great man but when it comes to love he is not trying to recevie give it olny recive it from me i know what it is like i am lonely to and he is always sayin he dont want to be with me than 2hours later he wants me i mean he is confusin me and i dont know what is going on i love him but i am lonely for him he cheats on me and i walked in and caught him but i still am with him and i feel that i keep giving him chance after chance but should i or should i leave him
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Tiffany .....You need to start another thread.....for this requires people to direct their attentions to your issue. .....too confusing to discuss both issues on the same thread.
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Permalink Reply by rachel fetherston on
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Tiffany,
Your problem is very simialr to Denise's and I feel the pain for both of you. Maybe if you could both reed the book called "Boundaries". Don't allow your boyfriend to treat you badly. You need to love yourself too Tiffany. No more chances for him. He wont change until there are NO MORE CHANCES. There is a man out there who will treat you as you should be treated, with love. Leave him.
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Tiffany, my heart goes out to you. Drugs are devastating to lives. They come first and foremost before anyone or anything. It has been my experience, that any one who uses drugs will say that they are going to stop, and they will make some changes for a short period of time, not long, and they will be right back at it, just like before and at any cost. Being lonely is a terrible feeling, and you are so young. You must always remember that he is not thinking clearly, or like you do. Drugs and the desire for them influence his ever thought, even when he isn't using, his mind is under the influence, so trying to figure out what he feels is impossible. I do not want to tell you that you should end this relationship, you must make that decision for yourself. But I can tell you this, you are not married to this man, and there are no children involved, there is a better life out there for you.
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Hi Denise,
In reading your post, it's clear that you recognize the seriousness of your husband's problems and the impact on your family. I think you may already know what you need to do but may just need some encouragement and support to move forward. I'm not suggesting to end your marriage, but I think you need to end the current condition of your marriage. Your husband is in denial and is not accepting responsibility for using drugs, speaking with other females, and leaving your 10 yr. old alone with siblings.The family is already broken and needs to be fixed. I think you should continue to pray and forgive him, however, he may not be open to look at his problems unless he is out of his comfortable surrroundings which allows him to come and go as he pleases. You may not find the peace you are seeking until your situation is corrected. If you have supportive family and friends, ask him to leave so he can get the help he needs so your family can be whole when he returns. Others may disagree and say your husband shoud stay in the home while the Lord works. It's a tough situation but keep praying, seek godly counsel, and ask God for specific direction. I will also pray. Love you.
Your sister in Christ.
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Thank you Rachel for your support and prayers for my family and my marriage. I do realize the seriousness of my husband's problems, but I am not sure that I know what to do about it. This is something that I think about a great deal. I do not want to make a mistake that I end up regretting later, I agree with you about ending the current condition of my marriage, but I am not sure that I know just what exactly to do. You are right about him not accepting responsibility and he is in comfortable surroundings which does contribute to some of his behavior, and your point of our family already being broken an needing to be fixed is true also. I am wondering if asking him to leave will accelerate his problems with the drugs and his depression and guilt over losing his brother. He is always saying that if it weren't for me and the kids, he wouldn't live anymore, that we are all he has to keep him going. Knowing this, and other things influencing his decisions, I am worried that any difference in my actions would cause more problems for him. I do not have any family, supportive or other wise. Both of my parents have passed on, and all I have is my three children and my husband. Also, when weighing the good and the bad, I have to worry how separation would affect my children, would it be worse than this, in which they don't know all of the details? And also, how would separation affect myself? I do not do well alone, and I am not sure that I could fight off the temptations of the dating world if we were separated. So knowing this, as you advised, I just pray, seek godly counsel, and listen to such good friends in the Lord as you and all of the others who have given me advice and prayed for me. Thank you again, my friend,
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well i need some advice :
my boyfriend is always telling me he is going to let me and him work he is 38 and i am 28 ah is always saying i am to young for him i am not on his llevel and i feel like i am more smarter snd wiser than him he is on drugs but he goes to chruch after he does them he gets out of chruch and goes and does them again but i am always hearing from him he dont want a young dumb girl but he will call me 2 hours later and say i am sorry i want u and love u then right after he says it he will call 2 hours later and say he dont need a woman i mean i am trying to help him and help him i cant i just am womdering if i should try to contuine this relationship and try loving him more than i do because i give this man every thing because he dont work nor have a job i mean all his money he gets from hair goes on beer and hair so i am wondering should i give up or should i let it be between me and him i try to talk to him but it dont work so i dont know what to do i have to ask to spend tiime with him i have to ask if i can call him i am confused i wonder if he is holding me back from my life i am in school i take care of an ill mother i have no childern i am not on drugs i dont drink i go to chruch i am wondering what to do
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Tiffany,
Sometimes we have to let go of things or people that arent good for us. Love is a 2 way street and in this relationship, you are doing ALL of the giving. What are you getting out of the relationship? You have a lot to offer but stop giving it to someone that can't give anything back. For now, help your mother and keep going to church. Ask God to help you to separate yourself from the things that don't help you.It's not easy but you CAN DO IT. God wants to bless you with a wonderful man. Your current boyfriend cannot contribute to a family if he is unemployed. God can satisfy your lonliness until he brings the right guy for you..
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Permalink Reply by funmi sam on
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HI Tiffany,
I dont know what to say... i dont want to rude or hard on you... But i will tell you the truth without holding back
You are allowing the devil to cheat on you and rule your life
How can u decide to love a man that does not respect your GOD and God's principles or ways of life
The spirit of wickedness abibes with this man.. because, he loves the things of satan.. drugs and laziness..
come on Sis... wake up to the word you hear in church and the word you receive in your heart when you read the bible.......
GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND WAIT ON GOD TO GIVE YOU THE RIGHT OBEDIENT CHILD OF HIS.
God loves you.. take yourself out of self-imposed bondage
It's well
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