I am so grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ for providing this sight. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. It's never been this bad though. I am almost unable to work and concerned that I'm going to lose my job. I keep asking God, "What happened to me? Who is this person, where did the REAL ME go?" I've been praying and reading the word daily. I've been to church every week and as many services I can throughout the week. I've counseled with several pastors and some secular ones who by the way- will only make you focus on yourself more and not the Lord. (the secular counselors) My Mom understands what I'm going through because both she and my grandmother have had it. My sister also has it. I've been trying to not be so selfish- to think of and serve others and the Lord. I prayed so hard that I would enjoy the Lord and others today. I didn't. I actually am worse today than I have been. I take meds and the one "emergency" med has helped me to calm down which is good. One of the problems is that I feel guilty. I feel guilty for taking the meds, guilty for not witnessing, guilty for feeling this way, guilty for being selfish. GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY and you know who the author of guilt is, don't you? SATAN! I hate the devil. I hate him and I will resist him. I will draw nigh to the Lord because He can protect me. He can strengthen me. He can show me how to live through this and honor Him in doing so. I am not letting God control this situation. When it gets really bad, I think I must not be His child. And even in reading the word, I feel guilt. Everywhere I go and everything I do- guilt guilt guilt! Oh God, comfort me. My Jesus, my savior, I know thou art mine... I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to stop being so selfish and live for the Lord...