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My wife left, I need guidance
My wife left me last Thursday night, while I was at work. I came home sick early, only to find all of her stuff, and her gone. I have been in contact with her and found out what drove her away, and what scared her about me.
My behavior, and attitude started getting bad when I was hurt at work, and had to have surgery. I felt like I could do nothing right, and I began a downhill journey. I became extreemly depressed nearly all the time, and began to question my wife's motives on things. I would not trust her, because she was avoiding me, due to the fact that I would always be asking for sex, and getting even more depressed when she would say no. I had several outbursts of anger, towards inanimate objects, but it was wrong of me to do that, especially in front of my wife (no I have not been sexually or physically abusive to her, but I can see now where her fear that it could happen came from). I started drinking to numb the pain from my lack of trust, and I became more and more self distructive.
I am seeking guidance. She has moved out into an apartment of her own, and has asked that I give her space. Sunday she said she still loves me, but had to protect her self. She said that not all hope is lost.
What I seek is guidance. How I should move forward to start dealing with these issues, AND guilt from my past. I have asked God for forgiveness, and I believe that he does forgive. I'm having trouble with forgiving myself, and beating myself up over past mistakes, and now along with these current ones. I think having friends in Christ will help to guide me in the right direction. I need GOD to give me the strength to carry on, make the changes I need to make in my life, FOR HIM, and to make ammends with my wife. I love my wife so much, that this hurts (and I know she is hurting too) and I pray that GOD will give us both the strength to do the right thing in his eyes.
Thank you for reading,
Dave
My behavior, and attitude started getting bad when I was hurt at work, and had to have surgery. I felt like I could do nothing right, and I began a downhill journey. I became extreemly depressed nearly all the time, and began to question my wife's motives on things. I would not trust her, because she was avoiding me, due to the fact that I would always be asking for sex, and getting even more depressed when she would say no. I had several outbursts of anger, towards inanimate objects, but it was wrong of me to do that, especially in front of my wife (no I have not been sexually or physically abusive to her, but I can see now where her fear that it could happen came from). I started drinking to numb the pain from my lack of trust, and I became more and more self distructive.
I am seeking guidance. She has moved out into an apartment of her own, and has asked that I give her space. Sunday she said she still loves me, but had to protect her self. She said that not all hope is lost.
What I seek is guidance. How I should move forward to start dealing with these issues, AND guilt from my past. I have asked God for forgiveness, and I believe that he does forgive. I'm having trouble with forgiving myself, and beating myself up over past mistakes, and now along with these current ones. I think having friends in Christ will help to guide me in the right direction. I need GOD to give me the strength to carry on, make the changes I need to make in my life, FOR HIM, and to make ammends with my wife. I love my wife so much, that this hurts (and I know she is hurting too) and I pray that GOD will give us both the strength to do the right thing in his eyes.
Thank you for reading,
Dave
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Hi Dave,
I can feel the pain in your words. It seems to me that you have cried out to Him, and He has heard you. Trust in God, never cease in your prayers. Be still and wait on Him. Remember it is all in His timing and not our own.
Sorrow is better than laughter; for by the sadness of the countenace the heart is made better. (Ecclesiastes 7:3)
Adversity reminds us that life is short, teaches us to live wisely, and refines our character. Most people agree that we learn more about God from difficult times than from happy times.
God BLess! carla
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Permalink Reply by Dave on
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Thank you for your kind words, Carla!
I do agree too that we do learn more about God from difficult times. If this difficult time did not happen, I would have probably not have sought him out again.
But now that I have found a church and began, not just reading the bible, but reading for understanding, I finally am starting to get it! GOD is the only answer!
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Permalink Reply by Webster on
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Dave,
Not all hope is lost - by talking to you she showed that she still cares. I think the next steps are to get some help. I've been depressed - suicidally so - and I've experienced the anger, the hurt, and all the other human emotions. You've made several key steps - admitting that there is a problem, asking God for forgiveness (yes, He did forgive you, as He promised to), and looking for advice.
Help can come in several forms - counseling from your Pastor, help from a professional counselor (Christianity and Psychology/Psychiatry are not always at odds - their are some Christian psychiatrists out there - one of whom treated me). Also, it sounds like there could be some marital issues under the surface, some marriage guidance could be helpful - even if it's another couple who hold you accountable.
I hope and pray that you come through this and are stronger from it.
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Permalink Reply by AAG Netguy on
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Dave, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened and I know it grieves the Father also, but you are taking the right steps and I would agree with all that has been written here so far. I believe professional help is in order and there is cause to be hopeful because your wife has not given up.
I can understand the anger, at yourself, at your wife for not meeting your "needs" and for being injured on the job. I'm wondering if there is not a significant degree of anger at God too for allowing these things in your life. I'd encourage you to take all that anger to God and just lay it all out before him in real, honest prayer. It is not like a surprise to Him!
Dave, I've found that when we are under stress, we tend to find out who our real "god" is. I say "god" with a little 'g', because those are the functional idols in our life. the things we turn to for comfort and affirmation. Idols can be sex, women, money, booze, drugs, material goods, food, whatever. As God reveals the functional idols in your life, repent of them and turn back to Jesus and seek him to fill up those empty spaces. That is what the "good news" of Jesus Christ is all about.
You may want to consider calling Focus on the Family ministries. They have a counseling and resource department. They can also recommend a Christian counselor in your area. Please give them a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY.
Praying for you, brother!
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Permalink Reply by Vicki on
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Dave,
I'm replying to this because a few years ago, I left my husband for some of the same things you all are going through. No, this is not easy for me to talk about, but I feel that God has put it on my heart to reply to this. Give her time and, most importantly, pray, pray, PRAY! My husband was wonderful when I left. He seemed to "get it" right away and he gave me the space I needed to get my head back on straight. Quick question...is your wife saved? Because at the time we had our trouble, I wasn't. My husband enlisted the aid of our (then just his) church and they began to pray for my salvation. Well, the age of miracles is most definitely NOT over because God put me in such a bad situation that I really had no choice but to come home. I called my husband one evening and asked him if I could come back and that very night he drove 4 hours to come and get me. A week or so later I went to church with him and the second time I went I got saved. God used this bad situation in a very powerful way to 1. Save a lost soul and 2. Mend a broken family. The point I'm trying to make, in a very roundabout way I guess, is that, no matter what the situation is, God is still in control and prayer still works. I will be praying for you both. Keep us posted!
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My wife was raised in a very Christian family. She has been saved, but during our marriage she pushed on several occasions for me to go to church with her. I would not go, I would make all kinds of excuses to NOT do it.
At this point her family hates me, so I do not think that their is a chance for us to salvage anything.
She has seen a lawyer and filed for divorce. I will be contacting one, just for councel to see what I need to do. She is being very sweet about it TO ME in text messages, but I haven't seen papersso I don't know the full story yet. As no Kids are involved, her father told my dad that "they want it to be a clean break so we can both get on with our lives."
I only have a couple of things that will keep me from signing papers, such as if I have to pay on a credit card bill, the account MUST be closed to new purchases, or if I am to pay on another one, my half of that property is to be returned... other than that, as long as I'm not being taken for what little I have, I will sign the papers if that is what she wants.
I am sorry to hear of your story, and how bad of a situation you had to go through. But God does work in some strange ways that we don't fully understand! It took this situation fo rme to finally realise, that GOD is the only answer, and to finally come home to him.
Thank you EVERYONE for your support!
I will keep praying, but it's praying that he will guide her in what ever way HE sees fit, and to keep her safe. That's about all I can pray about for this situation, anything else would be selfish!
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Dave,
With God everything is possible. Never give up. Have you said the words to except Jesus as your personal saviour?
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Yes I have, I have accepted him in my heart, and took responsibility for my sin, and the sins I still commit. The sin I'm struggleing with most at this point is smoking. After reading the bible, and many other resources online, repentance is only as good as the effort made to stop sinning. Although I am working on all the other areas of my life, this one thing I feel is keeping me from having a truely close relationship wtih HIM.
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Wow, Dave, that's tough. Like Carla said though, with God, all things are possible. When my husband and I had our trouble, I thought that we would never get back together. I had no plans whatsoever to ever give him another chance or ask one of him. But see, my plans and GOD'S plans were not the same, and God has a way of over-riding our plans and implementing His own. So don't give up. Whatever God decides to do will be the best thing for all involved.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel Alicea on
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Dave,
I pray that God will help you and your wife reconcile.
Having suffered thru a divorce last year ... I now know why God hates divorce.
He does not want to see us suffer thru the pain it brings.
I will include you in my prayers.
Be blessed friend.
Dan
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Dave,
We....as your Christian friends stand along side you. Stay strong in the Lord.
Allow God to take over your life. Stay in Him, and He will stay in you. Repent of everything, and pray that God will bring to your memory things you may have forgotten about. When you do this, all prayers will be more effective. Pray ernestly and do not give up. Lay this entire situation at the foot of the cross..in God's hands.
Bless you this day. carla
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