All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
I NEED SOME HUMOUR ... MY WEEK HAS BEEN ROUGH
SOME FOLKS NEED ALCOHOL, OR CIGARETTES, OR WORSE - DRUGS - TO RELAX... FORTUNATELY I ONLY NEED SOME GOOD HUMOUR... WELL I HOPE YOU FIND THIS GOOD OTHERWISE I WILL HAVE TO COME OVER AND TICKLE YOU
WIFE REPORTS MISSING HUSBAND... BUT SHE
IS NOT MISSING HER HUSBAND :) (SMILE)
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
MATH PROBLEM...
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
MODERN GRANDMA'S AS OPPOSED TO POST MODERN GRANDMA'S
Grandma Today
In the dim and distant past
When life's tempo wasn't so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.
When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she's in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma's off her rocker.
GETTING MUGGED
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT IT MADE ME SMILE.... I REALIZED THAT I MUST NOT BE OVERLY ANXIOUS IF ONE OR TWO PEOPLE ARE NOT "CONTENT" WITH ME... BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME AND MY LOVED ONES ARE CONTENT WITH ME "JUST AS I AM"...
THIS MAY NOT BRING WEALTH OR LIMELIGHT BUT IT BRINGS CONSOLATION AND PEACE....
Success comes when you are content with yourself, when your activities bring contentment, and when GOD and everyone else is content with you.
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
WIFE REPORTS MISSING HUSBAND... BUT SHE
IS NOT MISSING HER HUSBAND :) (SMILE)
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him.
The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
MATH PROBLEM...
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
MODERN GRANDMA'S AS OPPOSED TO POST MODERN GRANDMA'S
Grandma Today
In the dim and distant past
When life's tempo wasn't so fast,
Grandma used to rock and knit,
Crochet, tat and baby sit.
When the kids were in a jam,
They could always call on Gram.
But today she's in the gym
Exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net,
Sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her,
Now that Grandma's off her rocker.
GETTING MUGGED
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT IT MADE ME SMILE.... I REALIZED THAT I MUST NOT BE OVERLY ANXIOUS IF ONE OR TWO PEOPLE ARE NOT "CONTENT" WITH ME... BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME AND MY LOVED ONES ARE CONTENT WITH ME "JUST AS I AM"...
THIS MAY NOT BRING WEALTH OR LIMELIGHT BUT IT BRINGS CONSOLATION AND PEACE....
Success comes when you are content with yourself, when your activities bring contentment, and when GOD and everyone else is content with you.
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
Views: 535
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Charlene on
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THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT IT MADE ME SMILE.... I REALIZED THAT I MUST NOT BE OVERLY ANXIOUS IF ONE OR TWO PEOPLE ARE NOT "CONTENT" WITH ME... BECAUSE I KNOW THAT JESUS LOVES ME AND MY LOVED ONES ARE CONTENT WITH ME "JUST AS I AM"...
WHAT YOU WROTE RIGHT HERE IS EXACTLY HOW I AM FEELING AND YOU JUST BOUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE DESPITE IT ALL THANK YOU!!! LOVE CHARLENE
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Permalink Reply by Marshall on
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O.K. Ramona or should I call you the tickle Lady (LOL). Anyway I don't know if this would be classified as a joke but it did make me laugh in church.
A man in the church asks the Preacher if he has to go to church to be saved.
The preacher pauses for a moment and says; Well my son let me put it like this.
You don't have to come home to be married, but it sure helps the relationship.
God Bless and praying your feeling more relaxed.
P.S. Laughter is the best medicine.
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Permalink Reply by Ramona P. Jacobsz on
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Hi Marshall
This is truly humour!!! You did not even have to tickle me. I think my hubby will really appreciate this one!!!
God bless you
From the tickle lady...xxx
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Hi Ramona,
Thanks for the laugh...Very much needed myself. I particularly like the missing husband one! I shared it with my husband and he also got a good chuckle out of it...
Feel better. You are right when you say you are dearly Loved by Jesus, and you are a blessing here.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH CARLA
I FELT AT A STAGE THAT I DID NOT FIT IN... BUT THAT WAS SLEW FOOT... I BELONG JUST AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE!!! (SMILE - I HAVE HUMAN RIGHTS!!!) AND MUST NOT FORGET IT (CHUCKLE)... IN SOUTH AFRICA THIS IS A MEGGA ISSUE!
<:))))>
Your friend
Ramona P.
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Hello My dear Ramona,
Don't forget.. we're not home yet! It is so easy to feel like we don't belong because this is not our home....not yet!
We have found a wonderful website here to help us to meet brothers and sisters in Christ all over the world...how awesome is that!!!
But...we're not home yet! One day, then those feelings of not belonging will finally stop forever!
Love in Christ, Carla
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Thank you kindly Carla
I experienced a MIRACLE today and I am shortly going to write the short story about it - I wept with joy and ... was a bit sad too. But that is to come.
Once again thank you..
<:))))>
Your friend
Ramona P.
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AFTER CRYING BECAUSE OF THE WONDER OF A MIRACLE I NEED TO GET RID OF MY TENSION.... SO WHAT DO I DO??? I FIND HUMOUR!
Sneaking In
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
The Sermon
A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory prayer. He began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face,"Without you we are but dust... "
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
A Few Quickies
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a Single person in it.
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.
Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
A: DAM!!
Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
Because it's too cold "out tide!"
What do you call a boom-a-rang, that dosen't come back?
Answer: A stick!
Paddy Sez
Paddy the Earthling: We put a man on the moon in 1969.
Paddy the Martian: Big deal! We're going to send a team to the Sun.
Paddy the Earthling: You're mad! They'll be burned up before they even get close.
Paddy the Martian: We're not that stupid! We're sending them up at night!
<:))))>
Your friend
Ramona P.
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1. Bad Drivers
A man is driving on the highway when his wife calls him on his cell phone.
"Honey, be careful. I heard on the news that there is a car on the road driving the wrong way."
To this the man replies, "One? There's millions of 'em!"
2.This one comes from my 5 year old...Joshua..who is now sitting on my lap as I type this:
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: to get to it's family.
3.Question: What if you cross the road with an elephant and a mouse will follow the elephant?
Answer: and...... Then the Elephant would scream! LOL
Thank you Joshua for these great jokes!
Joshua also really loves dinosaurs. but we couldn't find one..so here's a giraffe
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DEAREST CARLA AND JOSH
JUST THE MEDICINE I NEEDED FOR THIS PAST WEEK HAS BEEN ROUGH FOR A "YOUNG" "OLD" LADY... HUBBY'S ASSISTANT WITH BIRD AND FISH "KILLED" 34 KOI FISH. HE FIDDLED WITH THE TIME SWITCH AND WHILE WE WERE AT A DENTIST SOME 90 KM AWAY (BECAUSE OUR ONE HORSE TOWN ONLY CATERS FOR HORSE'S TEETH(SMILE) AND I AINT A HORSE)... OUR DOMESTIC ASKED MY SECRETARY TO LET HUBBY KNOW THAT SOME FISH WERE DEAD. AWFUL, AWFUL, WHEN HE GOT HOME TO DISCOVER THE CATASTROPHE... 34 @ R3000.00 EACH... AND THIS IS HIS "PENSION" AS HE DOES NOT HAVE A PENSION FUND. HIS BIRDS AND FISH ARE HIS "PENSION"... WELL WHAT DID WE DO? WE PRAYED FOR JESUS TO GIVE HIM SOUL HEALING AND HE COULD NOT EVEN TELL THE GUY THAT HE WAS GUILTY BECAUSE IN SOUTH AFRICA IT IS A CRIME AND YOU COULD REALLY GET INTO TOUGH TROUBLE. JOHAN, A YOUNG MAN WHO DOES ALL THE LITTLE "HANDYMAN" THINGS FOR US CAME TO LOOK AND SAID THAT THE TIME SWITCH WAS "FIDDLED" WITH.
I COMFORT CORNELUS AS BEST I CAN BUT I CAN SEE THAT IT HAS KNOCKED HIM SIDEWAYS.. WE ARE NOW GETTING READY TO GO TO CHURCH AND I AM SWITCHING OFF ALL NEGATIVES. SO THANKS FOR THE LAUGH, JOSH! I LOVED IT.
I AM TAKING 10 LITTLE CARS - THE CUTEST THAT RUN AROUND MAKING MUSIC AND DODGING EVERY OBSTACLES, REVERSING ETC. FOR 10 UNDERPRIVILEGED KIDS FOR CHRISTMAS AND RPAY THAT THEIR LITTLE FACES WILL LIGHT UP... BLESS THEM. IT IS SO SAD - WE HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF AIDS ORPHANS UNDER OUR CARE. CAN YOU BELIEVE SOME OF THEM ARE ONLY 10 OR 11 YEARS OLD AND THEY ARE THE "HEAD OF THE FAMILY"??? I WEEP WHEN I EVEN THINK OF IT. OUR CHURCH HAS THE HONORAY TITLE "CATYLISTS OF HEIDELBERG" AND WE PRAISE GOD FOR THE HONOUR. WE ALSO HAVE AN AIDS CLINIC THAT IS TOTALLY RUN THROUGH OUR FUNDING. ONE OF OUR CONGREGATION MEMBERS (A MEDICAL DOCTOR) GIVES ONE DAY A WEEK TO VISIT AND ATTEND TO PATIENTS. THEN WE HAVE A PLACE CALLED "INDAWO YO SIZWE" WHERE WE HAVE STAFF TEACHING AFRICAN PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES FINANCIALLY... WE GIVE THEM SEWING CLASSES AND GARDENING LESSONS - ALL WHITE SUPERVISED AND IT IS GETTING ON BEAUTIFULLY. WE HAVE BOUGHT AN OLD HOUSE FOR THIS PURPOSE...
SEE IN WHAT GOOD HUMOUR YOU HAVE PLACED ME JOSHUA!! I AM RIGHT BACK TO POSITIVES AGAIN.
GOD BLESS YOU AND HAVE SOME MORE GOOD LAUGHS FOR ME PLEASE...
LOVE TO YOU, CARLA, BLESSINGS AND MAY YOUR CHRISTMAS BE A CHRIST-FILLED CELEBRATION!
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
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HI M.L.
I LIKE THIS VERY MUCH.... I WOULD RATHER PREFER TO BE THE ONE DOLLAR BILL. BUT SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT.... SOME PEOPLE ALWAYS GIVE THE "SMALL CHANGE" TO GOD BUT SPEND MEGGA BUCKS ON "TRASH"....
FOND LOVE IN JESUS
<:))))>
Your Friend
Ramona P.
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