All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Restoring My Relationship: Should I give up?
I was with my boyfriend for almost two years. He and his family were the ones that had lead me to God in the first place, and they play a huge role as to why I'm not baptized and so far along in my relationship. My (now ex) boyfriend had taken the initiative to join the U.S. Army and become a reservist. He joined the reserves so he could stay with me as I finished my high school here in our home town. He joined the military because he felt that he had nothing else to do that would be good for him. He absolutely loves the Army now, and when he's in that environment he strives for the better.
A little after he got home from boot camp he found himself growing unhappy because he didn't like where he was in life. He started self medicating and now is going down a deep and dark path of alcoholism. He was my best friend. He was on the rocks about making the decision to really be with me forever or not, and we had broken up to give him space to really think about what he wanted to do.
He came to the conclusion that he wanted to be with me. He was so happy and so was I. We both just devoted ourselves to each other so much to the point that we strayed from God. Our relationship no longer had God in it and we didn't even realize it because we were always too busy trying to fix things. We started fighting, and not being as happy as we were. We lost it all.
Soon enough he just gave up on me and left me without an explanation. He dropped me like it was nothing to him and ever since then has been drinking alcohol every single night so I can't even talk to him without fighting with him because he's too drunk. He's been doing horrible things and hanging out with the wrong people and just hurting himself so badly. He's pushed away everyone who cares deeply about him.
If you ask him if he has God in his life and if he's happy he will tell you yes. He thinks he knows everything and has it all together. He has pushed me so far away to where he just ignores me now. 12 days ago I was his entire world, and after one of our fights he just dropped me and won't even talk to me anymore. I'm so heartbroken because I know this isn't the man I've been with for the past two years. I don't know what to do.
He tells me that he never wants a relationship with anyone ever again and doesn't even want a family anymore. He wants to be alone. He tells me "I have my boys (as in friends) and that's all I need". I've been praying to God but honestly just haven't found myself finding any answers. I still strongly believe that he's the one for me, and not because he's my first love or I'm young or anything, but i've given this more than enough thought and prayer and I feel that he's the man God wants me to be with. He's lost himself, this isn't who he is. He really seems like he's done, but I don't know what to think. I want to restore our relationship and do it with God too. I want us to be happy and together and make this work. The only dilemma is my (now ex) boyfriend is trying to switch to active duty as soon as possible. So he will be leaving our home town in about 5-6 months. I'm not entirely sure on how to restore a relationship using God, and how do I know this relationship is one He wants me to restore? Do I just give up? Or is there still hope? Any help, or prayers would be greatly appreciated in so many ways.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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The military definitely creates a person that you don't recognize. If the person is strong in who they are, it only makes them stronger. Some go off the deep end as far as partying like mad. It's like it's their first taste of freedom so they go all in. At the end of the finish line, 99% come out incredibly awesome & focused.
You guys obviously are really young as u said u just graduated high school. As one matures, they go thru stages of learning who they are & who they feel they should be. For a female, we're more motivated & focused on the home wanting a family. A man has this desire for his bros especially when they are younger. Maybe he's trying to make up for lost time. Maybe instead of going out with his bros, he was at the house with you. Now, he's trying to make up for lost time. Maybe he doesn't know what he truly wants in his future aside from his military career & is trying to figure out what he really wants. Personally, I don't think he wants u out of his life. I just think in this moment & time, he wants this party lifestyle & all it entails & he can't have that with you on his arm. After being with him for so many years, he's not just automatically dropped you from his heart. He's doing the out of sight, out of mind thing. He has totally shut his mind off when it comes to you. One sober morning, he's going to realize that his friends aren't worth the cost of losing you. In the meantime, you have to figure out how you're going to handle it because this may not be the man God has for you. You may come out on the other side of all this heartache & pain & he may be the one that has lost because you've moved on.
In our lives, there are things that we want then there are things that God knows is best for us & they are not the same things at all. We say we want the Lord's will but if we truly knew what that will was half of the time, we might would rather run. We can get these two confused in our lives thinking because things are going well, that this must be His will for our life. So, we must decide, Do we TRULY desire His will or our own? If His will is bipolar opposite of what we want, are we willing to sacrifice what we want in order to follow His?
You can ask yourself questions such as:
While together, were we living in the center of God's will?
I know you said his family led you to the Lord, but what about him? Does he live as the Lord would have him (not now as we know he's not but prior to this)? Did you see him grow in the Lord? How was he a tool in your salvation apart from his parents?
How did he come to know the Lord?
Not asking you to answer this publicly but within your own heart but were you guys living for the Lord as far as sexually? Were you having premarital sex?
How high a priority does reading the Bible, praying & attending church have in his life (before now)?
The only way to know if he's truly what God wants for you & your life is patience & waiting. Hardest thing in life. It's gonna be painful watching him make these choices outside of you but you have no real choice in the matter. So, while you patiently wait on God's answer, grow in Him. Don't ask the Lord to bring him back to you but ask Him what His true & perfect will is for your life. Read his word. Seek Him & the rest will fall into place. If he doesn't come back, God will bring the one that He has in store for you. Stay strong young sister. Continue to lean on His grace in the meantime.
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Permalink Reply by Maddie on
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate you caring enough to take the time to type that and help me out in my time of confusion and heartache. This has really taken a toll on myself and it's been extremely hard to find God in this moment for me. I've been getting right with him and making him the center of my life instead of just having him apart of my life. I've been making an effort to trust God's will and I've been having a hard time deciphering between what I want, and what he wants for me. Is there anything I can do to help myself figure that out? I'm not sure how to really see it his way.
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Let me tell you what, when it comes to love, sometimes we kinda hide from His will or I know I did. I didn't want to pray about my relationship when I was younger because I knew His answer. I went on to marry him & 5 years was divorced. I'll be praying for you Maddie. I'm sorry you're having to go thru this. His will isn't always enjoyable but it's always best. It's hard to know what His will is many times. Just stay strong, keep the prayers going up & may He give you answers sooner rather than later.
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