All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Where does it say in the Bible that is ok to Break off Friendships?
I heard of the view that you should stay away from toxic friendships. Firstly I think we to define what a toxic friend is.... But that is not exactly what is prompting my question. My question is kinda related.
Where in the Bible does it say it is good to remove people from your life if they disagree with your views? Where in the Bible does it say that if a person's depressions begins to effect you, that it is ok to remove that person?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by thewatchman on
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Matthew 10:14-And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
Luke 9:5 - And whosoever will not receive you, when ye go out of that city, shake off the very dust from your feet for a testimony against them.
I'm not sure that these verses might be relevant to "toxic" friendships, but I will say that anything that intereferes with your relationship with God is not good. God is to be first, always glorified and utmost in your life.
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It's not about us....It's always about God.
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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Because something isn't in the Bible doesn't mean it's wrong. There are many things that aren't in there but we have to make judgement calls based on what IS in the Bible.
Friends are friends because they support one another. They share the ups and downs of their lives with each other. They don't necessarily have to agree with each other, or even share one another’s tastes, but they do have mutual respect, joy in one another's company, and acceptance of difference of both attitude and actions. However, some friendships may be more harmful than they are helpful.
Love gives. Loves goes the extra mile. Love endures. That love is not always returned. Some people aren’t willing to put in the work that is required to build a relationship. As followers of Christ, we strive to give love from a heart that doesn’t require a person to love us the same in return. Though we strive to model Christ, not everyone does.
The mean things that people have done to us can leave us heart broken. Resentfulness can take over our hearts and make our lives long, horrendous, and unbearable. As hard as it is at times we need to try to focus on the good things in life & most of all, focus on Him. Whatever doesn’t work, don’t dwell on it. Just be calm in your spirit, obey God's word, and go forward.
A few questions you might ask yourself is:
(1) How am I responding to it?
(2) How should I respond to it?
(3) Am I learning from it?
(4) Does my response demonstrate faith, love for God and for others, Christ-like character, values, commitment, priorities, etc.?
(5) How can God use it in my life?
When it comes to changing the person, there is really nothing we can really do. We can do things in our own lives that could be an example but we can’t force them to change. One thing we can do is look at ourselves & evaluate ourselves & our walk.
When you have a disagreement with your friend, do you walk away asking, “What’s wrong with her?” If yes, it’s because it’s much easier to recognize blemishes or faults in our friends than it is to look in the mirror. The question you should be asking instead is, “What could I have done in this situation? Was it something I said or done?
Everyone has ups & downs & we all need friends to share these things with. The Word tells us to bear each others burdens. Sometimes, our burdens are more than others can handle. During those times, we need to step back & try to understand their feelings.
Not everyone has a kind & compassionate heart & willing to listen to others. This is a world of “All About Me”. If it’s not about them, they don’t want anything to do with it. They are at the core of the universe & life revolves around them. If you refuse to recognize their greatness, then off with their head. If the conversation isn’t somehow tied to them, they cut you lose. We should always seek the Lord’s will when it comes to selecting our friends. We’re not called to be friends with everyone. Be choosy about who you invite into your life & who you allow in your heart. Some have no on how to handle it gently.
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Great Question.
Too help us define the word 'toxic' it's helpful to look at the synonyms of the word.
Some of them are; 'deadly, harmful, lethal'
To define the word 'friend' we look at the synonyms 'companion, soul mate, intimate, confidante, familiar, ally, kindred spirit.'
Can there be such a thing as a toxic friend? As far as I can see these two things cannot be associated.
This topic refers directly to the different types of love. Phileo Love and Agape Love.
Phileo Love (Friendship Love) vs Agape (Sacrificial Love)
(Taken from an article from www.gotquestions.org)
“Finally, we have phileo love. Philia refers to brotherly love and is most often exhibited in a close friendship. Best friends will display this generous and affectionate love for each other as each seeks to make the other happy. The Scriptural account of David and Jonathan is an excellent illustration of phileo love: “After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. . . . And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” (1 Samuel 18:1-3).
Since phileo love involves feelings of warmth and affection toward another person, we do not have phileo love toward our enemies. However, God commands us to have agape love toward everyone. This includes those whose personalities clash with ours, those who hurt us and treat us badly, and even those who are hostile toward our faith (Luke 6:28; Matthew 5:44). In time, as we follow God’s example of agape love for our enemies, we may even begin to experience phileo love for some of them as we start to see them through God’s eyes.
Agape speaks of the most powerful, noblest type of love: sacrificial love. Agape love is more than a feeling—it is an act of the will. This is the love that God has for His people and that prompted the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus, for our sins. Jesus was agape love personified. Christians are to love one another with agape love, as seen in Jesus’ Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37).”
We are to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. We're to give to those who ask without expecting anything in return. But does that equal friendship?
At what point do we become an enabler for bad and incorrect behaviour? The definition of an enabler is "a person who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behavior in another."
Sometimes to love someone is to be separate from them if they are toxic, but still close enough to serve. We don't stop serving them, praying for them, providing for them if they are in need....but the intimacies of a close friendship (phileo love) aren't there.
Proverbs 1:10-19 also gives us wisdom;
10 My son, if sinful men entice you,
do not give in to them.
11 If they say, “Come along with us;
let’s lie in wait for innocent blood,
let’s ambush some harmless soul;
12 let’s swallow them alive, like the grave,
and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
13 we will get all sorts of valuable things
and fill our houses with plunder;
14 cast lots with us;
we will all share the loot”—
15 my son, do not go along with them,
do not set foot on their paths;
16 for their feet rush into evil,
they are swift to shed blood.
17 How useless to spread a net
where every bird can see it!
18 These men lie in wait for their own blood;
they ambush only themselves!
19 Such are the paths of all who go after ill-gotten gain;
it takes away the life of those who get it.
Proverbs 4
14 Do not set foot on the path of the wicked
or walk in the way of evildoers.
15 Avoid it, do not travel on it;
turn from it and go on your way.
16 For they cannot rest until they do evil;
they are robbed of sleep till they make someone stumble.
17 They eat the bread of wickedness
and drink the wine of violence.
18 The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
19 But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness;
they do not know what makes them stumble.
We never stop loving them or praying, serving or providing for them, but we might not necessarily be their companion, confident, ally, or kindred spirit.
Blessings, Carla
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Permalink Reply by lefty55 on
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Funny I just read this in the bible the other night! I was looking for my answer as i have right now but can't post it here. I am new and wonder where i should start? I am seperated going on 4 yr or so but we are still married and have lots of questions within. some about this subject in the bible about walking away ? well i will look around for now.
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Hey Lefty...
Have fun looking around. Feel free to post any questions you have. Don't worry about duplicate topics. Some of us AAG dinosaurs may remember past posts pertaining to specific questions and be able to link you easily to past discussions.
Welcome to the AAG family.
Blessings, Carla
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Permalink Reply by Carmen on
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1: Corinthians:15:33
Do not be deceived evil communications corrupt good manners.
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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Psa 1:1-6 NIV84 Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. (2) But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. (3) He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. (4) Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away. (5) Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous. (6) For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.
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Permalink Reply by JB on
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Try 2Teessalonians 3:6, Now we command you brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which ye received of us.....and 3:14 and if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed, yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother..
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Permalink Reply by Kevin Langley on
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I don't believe everything in the Bible as it was written by man and not God himself and overtime the bible has been re-written since... I only believe in righteousness and being positive. Why do you think your friend is toxic? its not a bad thing to choose your friends in life, if you have bad friends then its good to break away from them if there is no way that the friendship can work.
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Hi Kevin,
Welcome to AAG!
I'm responding to your comment "I don't believe everything in the Bible as it was written by man and not God himself and overtime the bible has been re-written since... I only believe in righteousness and being positive."
Would you mind clarifying?
What do you do with this verse in 2 Timothy 3?
16All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.
Thanks, Carla
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