Responding to people who like to remind us of our past.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by ribbon on February 10, 2016 at 6:54am

I get that a lot from my family especially when they get angry at me. I am glad you posted these questions because I would like to know too.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 11, 2016 at 7:31am

It can feel hurtful when people remind us of our past.  LT's response down below is right on.  In the response he admits sin, acknowledges the cure, stays humble and glorifies God. 

I love this quote:

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”
― Oscar Wilde

Blessigs, Carla

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 10, 2016 at 7:33am

I really love the first part of verse 16... "16Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh...."

If someone is not a believer, they are not able to do this.  They cannot see anything BUT the flesh.

The NLT says it like this "¹⁶ So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now!"

"So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view..."

That just feels like freedom to me.  No one likes being judged unfairly.

Perhaps the answer is for me to make sure I'm not evaluating my friend from a human point of view.

This makes sense considering this verse:

    27“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29“Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. 30“Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. 31“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. 32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33“If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

The answer might be something like responding with:

"I lived that way because I didn't know any better.  I'm sorry for that, and I've decided that I want more out of life than the choices I made before.  I hope my faith in God and my hope and trust in Him reflects the changes that He has made in me.  I always fall short, but my hearts desire is to live for Jesus. I don't like being reminded of my past because even though I have learned from it, I have left it in the past.   I don't like who I was then.   I have faced the consequences of my bad choices, and moved on"

But even this answer could be misunderstood as self-righteous.

I guess I just want to know if anyone has this figured out yet??  :-) 

If so, please share what you know. 

A friend on facebook just posted this:

1. Ask God for His peace in the midst of your difficulty. John 14:27
2. Identify specific Bible verses that speak truth to your situation. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
3. Memorize these verses or at least write them down. Psalm 119:9-16
4. Whenever you begin to think obsessively, read or recite them. Psalm 119:9-16
5. Make sure you meet with God daily for perspective. Psalm 130:5

When we replace obsessive thoughts with "God thoughts," we are reminding ourselves that God is our refuge from every problem. He is our comfort, wisdom and peace! (Psalm 46:1-3)

God is the One who reminds us who we are.

Blessings, Carla

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on February 10, 2016 at 4:50pm

My past is the very reason Jesus came and the very reason I need a Savior. I know what I have done and so does He, yet He still died on the cross for me so that I might find forgiveness and new life in Him. Now, because of what He has done (without detailing a bunch) I desire to live for Him. Yes, I will struggle and fail at times, but it is my desire to please Him because I love Him.

I would not go into great detail until they ask questions or make comments. I would never argue with them and use Scripture when appropriate.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 10, 2016 at 5:15pm

Amen LT. 

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Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 11, 2016 at 8:33am

It's not just people who like to, but I battle the spiritual enemy everyday as well as myself. I find I have no control over flashbacks and memories coming up. I guess they're the same as when people remind us, and we can't control the words and actions, behaviors and attitudes of other people or what they think of us. And it's all too easy for me to let their opinions of me influence me, discourage me. Someone said, "When you get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and declare 'I am His dearly loved child.'" I try doing that but can only get out a faint whisper and start to cry. Even though I know His sufferings paid a ransom to redeem me, most days I don't feel or think of myself as His dearly loved child or believe I'm dearly loved by Him. One of the bible verses I read and remembered long ago always pops into my mind when I'm feeling far from God ... a phrase from it ... people die like flies ... (Isaiah 51:6). I think of it and am tempted to wonder if people mean much at all to God. Satan has a heyday with that. "You're nothing more to God than a fly, a gnat!" It's easy to believe his lies. Then verses come to mind from the four gospels like Luke 7:13, showing the heart of Jesus. When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, "Don't cry." Maybe one day, I will be able to look at myself in the mirror and declare I am His dearly loved child and really believe it.

Sorry for being so depressing. Good questions though and I think we need to know, or learn, how to handle reminders of our past.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 11, 2016 at 8:49am

I think shame and guilt are some of the most successful tactics of the enemy.  That's why they need to be exposed.  satan is the father of lies.  he is a liar....and he is like a mosquito that constantly buzzes around and irritates and distracts.  Because of our fallen nature and the fact that we're still in the flesh, we are inclined to listen to him and his lies, believing them.

But the more we can learn to live by the Spirit rather than the flesh, the more we will recognize these lies.

The enemy also builds memories up in us to make them seem bigger than they actually are.  Then he highlights the embarrassment and shame.

But we now know that when God looks at us, He sees Jesus.  Since we covered by the blood of Christ, the perfection of Christ is also imputed to us. 

Sometimes we forget, and those feelings can eat us up.   How do we overcome the guilt and shame of our past....whether the reminers come from the enemy or people? (I think the enemy uses people).

This reminds me of Hebrews 12:2

New Living Translation
We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God's throne.

Romans 8

More Than Conquerors

31What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^j

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^k neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Verses 37-39 always give me chills...  There is so much hope and love here.  Truly a treasure to uncover.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 11, 2016 at 4:44pm

I know what you're saying and it must be true since it's written in scripture and I'm sure many testify to personally knowing it as truth -- that no matter how they feel or what happens, they know God does exist and he deeply loves them and no matter how many awful things happen to them, they never feel separated from God's love, or even if they might feel it momentarily, they know down to their very core that they aren't separated.

But, to me, the temptation to think God doesn't care much at all for me is very compelling. I'm sure I deserve His displeasure. Isaiah 53:4 says, Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.

If He suffered, we will suffer, and it looks like it's nothing new to think that one is being afflicted by God. But Jesus was loved by the Father. He suffered in this life, more than just on the night He was arrested, whipped, and crucified.

Jesus never doubted God's love. I'm not sure why I do.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 12, 2016 at 6:58am

Amanda,

It's hard to know how to respond to the heart break you must be experiencing.  I experienced that feeling as a child...feeling 'forgotten by God'... or that He doesn't care, or love me.  I know when the shift happened for me that everything changed, but I can't explain how it happened. 

Anyway... this song is beautiful so I just want to share it with you and anyone else who may be blessed by it

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Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 12, 2016 at 9:33am

I like the song. It's one that I sometimes put on my AAG profile page to auto play.

It's ok and even normal to not know how to respond to what others are feeling, things like grief. Not responding is probably the worst way to respond :) Your response shows your care and support.

One of the things that's bothering me right now, after my oldest sister died a few weeks ago and one of my older brothers died a few months ago is that it's tempting to look at the past and be reminded of all of its pain and let that pain combine with the present pain and it then becomes unbearable. It's like a monstrous force pressing down on you, squeezing the life out of you.

Life goes on. People barely have time to recover and heal from one trauma before the next one hits.

I have peace of mind that my brother is in a better place. He was 58 and in end stage liver disease but not a candidate for a transplant. I saw him changing in his final months. I'd written seven letters to him, telling him about God's love and forgiveness, sending a little money, and reminiscing. I visited him a few times in addition to writing the letters, and I saw him experience the same thing that the people in Nineveh experienced -- their deeds changed signifying a genuine change in heart. That was true of him.

On his last day, he was in the ICU at a University Hospital on dialysis because people in end stage liver disease often go into kidney failure, but he was listed as stable, and his daughter said he just suddenly cried out, Jesus take me! Then he went into cardiac arrest and was unconscious and the staff began resuscitating him and put him on life support. But they turned it off a few hours later in the presence of his wife and daughter. His spirit was already gone. I believe Jesus took him at the moment he cried out his last words. He was putting his spirit into Jesus' hands, just as Jesus had done on the cross into the Father's hands. Anyway, that's my comfort.

But I'm heartbroken over my sister and very concerned for her eternal destination.

I'm wondering if someone rejects the deity of Christ, does it always mean it's a rejection of Christ, or can it mean something else, such as they have misunderstood it or it has been misrepresented to them? Can it be our fault when they don't see the truth?

I realize your discussion is about responding to reminders of our sinful pasts. I hope I'm not hijacking your discussion. I know that we can't take away the pain that others feel or fix it or make it better, and there is pain in being reminded of the past. I remember times when I tried telling my sister about the triune God and she'd say things like 'that's your religion but not mine.' I think my grief for thinking she died without Christ is more than in accepting her not being alive anymore although that's hard, too.

It helps to talk about it, to not keep it all inside, to know that others know, too. Thanks.

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Permalink Reply by Carla on February 12, 2016 at 10:52am

There are so many potential distractions for us to indulge in.... I think the word 'indulge' is suitable because somehow for some reason we like it---maybe it's just the familiarity of it.

After I posted this discussion I started to see (be reminded)  that caring what others say about my past is just another distraction from what matters.  I mean---they're broken fallen human beings seeing things according to the flesh.

Of course there are hard things in life....everything you mentioned and more.  This is real and raw and heart breaking.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not hijacking the discussion because it all matters.  It all falls into the category of things that take our eyes off of Jesus, and therefore off of what HE wants for us.  HE wants us to know our worth, our purpose, and that we are loved.  If the enemy can cause me (us) to look at anything (in some cases everything)  in my life that causes pain, regret, guilt that he has succeeded.....unforgiveness, bitterness, feeling worthless....these become the things that I start to focus on. 

I believe that bible study, Christian fellowship and worship are some of the best ways to get our focus back to where it should be.

I've been cleaning out my fridge today.....I mean....taking out every single drawer and getting into the dark areas that normally don't get washed and disinfected.  I do this about once/year.  I've been playing my worship music as I work.  God is so good to teach us and guide us as we keep our focus on Him.  God wants to get into the deep dark places of our lives that are hard to get to.  It's going to require some scrubbing and hard work to get there.  But just as I bring some elbow grease and disinfecting soap into my fridge to get in clean, He brings His Holy Spirit to wash us as we expose those dark places.  We know it's safe to do this with Him.  And---just as some food that I pulled out of my fridge needs to be thrown away (it would hurt us if we ate spoiled food) our old ways of thinking that are harmful to us need to be thrown away too. 

People, circumstances (all things in this world) tempt to draw us back to the darkness, but Jesus carries us into the light.  We can trust Him because we know He is compassionate and merciful.  His Grace is enough.   Of course it's a process... I pulled my items out of the fridge one at a time.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda on February 12, 2016 at 11:25am

I don't think I'm indulging. My grief is genuine.

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