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There is more going on than just fear of death if you are as dedicated as you say. I believe you do have faith, but you lack the knowledge and understanding to increase in faith.
Try to learn about God as the Father, the Son, and as the Holy Spirit. Try to grow in understanding so you can grow in appreciation.
Meditate on what it means to repent sincerely. I'll tell you now if you repent and even still want to continue doing what you've repented for, then it isn't sincere.
And just generally focus on loving God and Jesus. I would recommend the book meeting Jesus for the first time again. It really gave me a great understanding and appreciation for Jesus.
And meditate on Jesus's sacrifice and the love he felt. I'll tell you right now there IS some significance to Jesus's resurrection so don't leave that out either.
And above all don't give up. Have faith that God will help you one day. God is merciful He will certainly guide you.
The Bible tells us that WHOSOEVER calls upon the Lord SHALL BE SAVED. Therefore, it's never too late. Whatever the reason you turned to God is never wrong. That you said there is nothing you want more than to spend eternity with God shows your desire to be with God.
Once we turn to Him, it is Jesus who is the author and finisher of our faith; therefore, YOU do not turn your life around but God does. And you have to trust that He will in His way and His time. If you find yourself succumbing to things you want to change, you pray about it and seek scripture that speak to that issue. The only way to increase faith and hope is to pray and ask that God increase them, and read scripture on faith and hope until you receive a revelation that produces more faith and hope. +
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