All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
My Prayer of Disturbance, Confusion, and Uncertainty
Dear Heavenly Father,
It has been hard on me. Online friendships are extremely hard for me to create. And then they are extremely hard to maintain. Everything is so hard that there is no freedom of choice. It's all a matter of who will communicate and who won't. I feel that my real life is much the same way. I'm continually around people without my own choice. And I'm not compatible with the people I'm around. I have tried to change myself to be more like them but it doesn't work. I can't change who I am on the inside.
Tonight I was reading two messages and a comment. In the comment I was misunderstood and the other two messages made me feel inferior. Like I said Lord, I have no choice over what I talk too. Everything is so black and white. Either talk or be lonely. I'm not implying that everyone I talk too is bad. But just about every time something doesn't feel right. Lord people don't understand me, and I don't understand them. I don't understand after all of these years, why it is this way. What on earth are you trying to teach me? Because if you are are trying to teach me something, I can't learn it. I think these years testify to that!
Dear Jesus to night what is hurting me is relationships. Why is it that every time I hear about someone getting into one that I swell up in jealousy and depression. Then I got too try and force myself to think about something else or I start crying. These are the emotions I deal with every time, like tonight, where some woman that I don't even know decides to bring up the fact they had or have a boy friend. I can't relate to that! The only thing I had anywhere close to a relationship was a total disaster. I never even went on date with that girl, and yet to this very day I still get flash backs. I don't think this torture is fair. You know Lord, ministers tell us that Jesus understands our pain. Do you get re crucified over and over again? Like our bad memories that keep coming back in wave on wave? Even with this someone hurt me online. "oh you can't get into a relationship until you let her go" There again is someone who doesn't understand me. Yes I let her go, and gladdy I did. But the pains in this life don't always work the way you think they would, and they don't go away the way they should. It's not about her, It's caused by other things that I can't fix. All she did is be a terrible mess who stabbed wounds that will never heal. And I think I know how those wounds could be healed but life won't allow me the opportunities required to deal directly with those wounds.
Well Lord, I pored my heart out. And I did it here in the prayer room hoping that my online brothers and sisters will come along with me in prayer.
In Jesus Name,
Amen.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jennifer C. on
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I'm praying for you!
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Permalink Reply by Seek on
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Gregory, God forgives and forgets. He only charged us to forgive. We can't just decide to forget. But in this world we will all have, and continue to have, trouble. So we look forward to the hope we have in Christ and what He did for us. Crying out to Him is honest. David did it a lot. He sees your tears and pain and one day you'll be free of that. Today we just ask for His help each day. Sometimes the pain may be all that keeps us praying. If life was wonderful, would we forget to spend time with Him? Would we get caught up in a relationship so much that we exclude Him? That won't make the pain go away but maybe help you understand how it can all work out to your good.
I'll pray that God will comfort you and ease the pain and confusion you are dealing with. -
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Permalink Reply by Lynn(Georgia Peach) on
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MY GOOD FRIEND,MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.GOD BLESS YOU!!
LYNN(GEORGIA PEACH)
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Gregory, I just read a devotion this morning and thought of this post. In the devotion, the writer states:
Forgiveness is not approving of what was done, neither is it justifying, denying or excusing the act or omission. To literally “forgive and forget” is not realistic either. It is usually impossible to forget meaningful events in our lives—positive or negative. Love is always a choice and so is forgiveness.
What about when we just can’t find it within us to forgive? Pray—ask God to give you His grace to forgive. Ask someone to pray with you. Talk to someone who is five minutes ahead of you on his/her spiritual journey and/or seek counseling. Some wounds need processing—it is not that they can’t be forgiven; it is just that God knows that you are hurting and you need help. -
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Permalink Reply by mandy on
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I am praying for you, don't feel like you need to change yourself. God will bring you the right friends, and many are ready to be here for you, more than you realize. God bless you!
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We're always going to have feelings...good and bad. But keep repeating what God says. He says you're loved and He will exalt you above your enemies. The feelings will come and go. But His Word always stays steady. So even when we don't feel it, when we've walked with Him long enough, we'll get to a point that the feelings won't matter as we know the truth.
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Look up Amen Clinics. Dr. Daniel Amen (pronounced ahh min). He is a psychiatrist who proves mental disorder as physical with a specific brain scan that shows deformities in brains...holes. Most improve with particular diets and supplements targeted to the individual deficiencies. Some refuse to believe anything can be physical as they say God healed us already...in my opinion taking scripture out of context. He HEALS all our diseases...not healed. He healed our transgressions. God specified certain animals not to eat in the OT....some which today are shown to not be good for us. People lived mostly on grain and fruits...produce of the land. They did not eat fruit sprayed with pesticides or drink soda laced with high fructose corn syrup or eat chicken fed hormones. Their diet was all natural. God knows more than man and knows what we should eat for good health.
So yes, it is a medical issue. Yes it can sometimes be spiritual. Ask a believer who says it's not physical to explain birth defects and autism and downs syndrome and why laying on hands didn't heal them. Were those "babies" living in sin? Faith healers don't want to admit "ye of little faith" didn't have enough faith to heal, so they blame it on the afflicted. And sometimes it is as in "go and sin no more". But have them explain biblical leprosy. How about born blind? Who sinned? Neither this man nor his parents. A faith healer would have laid blame at the feet of the poor blind man and gone off feeling smug. -
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Can you prepare a lunch after work to take the next day? Don't wait to focus on your diet but change what you can now instead of everything at once. Maybe it's just eat more fruit and vegetables or drink more water. After you are acclimated to that, add another change. I need to do it myself. So far I've increased my water intake.
Amen Clinics are in WA, NY, CA and VA. But I know it's not an option for many, including myself. But what he discovered is a particular brain scan (SPECT) can show actual differences between healthy and non-healthy brains. He's even broken ADD into 7 different types rather than treating them all the same. I saw him on one of Rick Warrens seminars. Their website offers a lot of helpful info even if one cannot get that particular scan. -
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Well Dr. Amen isn't accepted by doctors, even though his scans can actually show physical issues. But his approach doesn't require medication. To side with him would put the doctors out of a lot of business pushing prescription pills. Just like my family doctor and multiple issues. He wouldn't even attempt to find the common cause...I found it on my own. He was instead prescribing everything under the sun to treat each symptom (and those often do more harm than good).
Gluten is becoming more widely known as affecting people in various ways. It depends on your immune system, general health, age, and other factors. That's why it doesn't affect everyone. People can live in the same area and one get sick from a pollutant and another not. Just like some have allergies to pets or peanuts and others don't. My aunt has practically cured her rheumatoid arthritis by going gluten free. It's just such a hard switch to make that it's easier to try one item at a time.
I understand the too tired when you get home bit. Same here.
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By the way, many tend to seek God during hard times. Something to consider is that perhaps hard times keep us seeking, rather than God letting us only experience blessing until we fall away from Him, He knows how to keep us seeking Him by allowing those times. We can use them to grow and learn to seek Him more.
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Permalink Reply by CC on
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Dear Gregory,
I am a person of bad memories to. They are hard to live with and hard to function under. I have started a new attack on the bad memories and I think you might be helped. I put them in the palms of my hands and lift them towards heaven and say Father I give you my bad memories. They are yours. they are no longer mine and every time I think about them again I do the same thing over and over. Sometimes it takes awhile to get peace over the memories but soon you will be ruling the memories and they will not be ruling you. You of course could do the same with relationships. for instance you could put the thought in the cup of your hands and lift them towards have and say father I need you to help me find the people you need me to befriend.
Don't forget to thank him each time for taking the memories and making a blessing to you.
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