All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
Intamcy While Seperated
I am a wife of almost 18 years. I found out my husband was having an affair. He has moved out and into his mothers house with his girlfriend and her two children. He tells me he loves me and he wants to come home, but he never says when this will happen. He calls me at least once a day and he comes to my apartment to see me. He wants to have "relations" with me, and I am scared to tell him no, because I am scared he will not come back if I do. What do I do? I Pray about it and I am told to stand for my marriage and I am, I don't want a divorce I want my husband at home. But at times I feel used for my body, and I feel bad when its over and he leaves because I know he is going back to her. I feel like I am my husband's second woman. It makes me feel dirty and not good. I used to be happy when he came around and I still am, I just want to not have sex with him, until he is back home, but as his wife am I obligated to have sex with him, even though he is gone. I am Praying about the situation because I know God has the answer I just wanted some support and Prayer from all of you and maybe just some opinions on what you would do if in this situation or if anyone is in this situation.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Dear Victoria,
I'm so heartbroken with you over this.
From your perspective, is his infidelity grounds for reconciliation and forgiveness? Would he be willing to attend counselling to heal the marriage? Will he leave the girlfriend for good? Is he repentant...genuinely? Will he give all of himself to you and to you alone?
As long as you continue to allow him to behave this way, he will do it. Please be assured, there are many men in the world who cherish and respect their wives. This behaviour is not the 'norm' for men.
Let him know you want him back, but you want all of him. If you can't have all of him, than he can't have any of you.
Please know I'm praying for you.
These are my two cents... I'm sorry if it sounds harsh.
Love In Christ,
Carla
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Permalink Reply by thewatchman on
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I agree with Carla, Victoria. Much love, hugs, and prayers are going out for you right now.
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Permalink Reply by Victoria Lynn Crawford on
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God Bless, thank you for your Prayers.
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Thank you Carla,
I Prayed to God about this and I Prayed that he would show me what I needed to do and where my husband really stood. Almost as if he was revealing his self to me, he called me and said that he really loved me, and he missed me and wanted to be home. He said he enjoyed us being intimate and missed being with me and just wanted me to know he loved and missed me. I felt at ease and was thanking God for giving me that. I talked to him tonight, and I had Prayed for him to begin to think of our marriage in terms of "us" again. I said Lord I want his language to change from me and you to us. As soon as I Prayed it, my husband called me and asked how did my job go today. I told him and he said we will make it and when I come home we will put our resources together. I want us to start a business again. Everything he said was "we" and "us". God is Awesome when it comes to giving us what we need. I am so thankful for Him and His Promises. He is restoring my marriage and I am Blessed. Carla, your words were not harsh, they are what needs to be said, truth. I appreciate that to you and the watchman, please keep Praying me and my marriage. I love my husband so much and I am working on the things that I did wrong in our marriage also, so when he does come home we are both closer to God and each other and being the spouses we need to be for each other.
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That's great news Victoria. Please know that attending counselling is beneficial for ALL married couples. My husband and I attended counselling when we were going through a rough patch. Would he be open to going?
I praise God for your husbands change of heart.
Blessings and Love In Christ.
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Hello Carla,
I don't know if he will attend counseling now, but I talked with the pastor and he said he is willing to set us up for counseling. I asked him once before and he said no, but now that things are turning around, he might be willing to go. I Pray he will and he is willing to go with me so we can grow closer to God together, but I am Praying morning, noon, and night and all times in between. Thank you for your Prayers.
Victoria Crawford
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I'll pray for that too Victoria. Bless you for your heart towards reconciliation and forgiveness.
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Permalink Reply by Mary O on
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Hi Victoria, God bless you!
Does your church have a couples' fellowship? Or you could invite other couples from church for supper and an evening of Yatzee, monopoly, Pictionary or clue. Something light. Gary and I have invited couples over and laughed over Pictionary. Gary's folks' church used to have a game board night and people would bring a dessert. Being around other Christians is healing.
Love,
Mary
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Hi Mary,
The only thing is that we are separated and he comes to see me, but he does not stay a long extended time. he is involved with another woman and he is planning on breaking things off with her and coming home. He tells me we will get into church and counseling when he comes home, but I would like to do it now. I told him if he can just meet with me at least one day a week with a counselor we would be good, and he hasn't agreed yet. He has made a rough situation and is trying to clean up his mess. I am trying to be patient and Praying all day for him and our marriage, and myself as well. That is a good idea to maybe invite him over with some other couple and just for maybe a few hours play a board game or have diner, I will work on that. Thank you so much Mary, God Bless.
Victoria
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