Unequally yoked with a fellow believer?

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on July 20, 2013 at 10:46am

Charles,

The answer to your question is yes, we can be unequally yoked, when we understand that the yoke we are talking about is our life path and not Jesus in this case. Two people can love Jesus and even love each other but have so little in common beyond love that life together would be very difficult. In fact, some will disagree with this next statement, love is probably one of the least important factors in a marriage. It should be present, but it cannot be the sole or even primary deciding factor. One would have to consider maturity level and calling. Imagine if two people love each other and yet God has called one to inner-city ministry and the other to become a missionary to a foreign land. We can also recognize that if one is an infant in the Lord and the other fairly mature there will be some vast differences. 

 

We can also toss in some basic stuff such as education level, blue collar vs. white collar, ethnicity, cultural background, etc ...  One or two of these a couple may be able to be overcome, but the more points where commonality are lost the higher degree of failure in the relationship. With that as a backdrop we must also include that the a union between believers is t be based on relationship and will either grow together or grow apart. Thus, the more areas of commonality the better the chance of positive growth and the more areas where commonality does not exist the greater potential for failure.

 

There are exceptions to every rule of this type and even the reasons why the exceptions survives can be vastly varied.

 

This concept of commonalities becomes less important when the union moves from marriage to business venture, from business venture to team mates, from team mates to class mates, etc ... A business partner does not need as many commonalities as a marriage. They can coexist around the business, the ethics regarding running the business and the vision for the business and need not have similar likes as hobbies or level of maturity in the Lord.

 

All partnerships need to be weighed very carefully with the covenant of marriage requiring the most thought and prayer, yet many (not saying you) believe that love alone is enough ... if it were only that simple.

 

Lord Bless,

LT

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Permalink Reply by Charles Burwell on July 22, 2013 at 4:01pm

LT

 

Thanks for your response. I pretty much agree with all you've said. Especially the part about love alone not being enough. In 20/20 hindsight (which hindsight always is) and considering the relationship before the actual marriage it would have actually been more 'loving' to have not married and possibly allowed her to find someone that she was more suitable with on levels that do matter.

Thanks again for your response and God bless.

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Permalink Reply by adam chung on July 20, 2013 at 10:56am

I think what you are saying is valid.  Even though she calls herself a Christian, she may not be.  Even if she is a believer, like you said, you are on two different levels.  She likes her life the way it is and doesn't want to change.  That is either being a lukewarm Christian, or not even having the spirit inside of her that desires for more of God and being in His presence.  Having her mindset is dangerous because Revelation 3 says: 15 I know your deeds,that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.  Also, look at Matthew 5: 13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.  

I don't think you guys necessarily have to be on the same level, but it is important that both people involved are working at it and are growing together.  Its like the sides of a pyramid.  As people grow in Christ and continue to seek Him, they become closer to each other as well.  God created woman for man, and marriage was created to glorify God and His creation.  So I believe if the relationship is not bringing God glory, something is wrong.  I have been in a relationship in which both of us called ourselves Christians and went to church, but God was not to be found in our relationship.  Sometimes we would pray together, but for the most part, we were more independent with our faith and did not try to grow together and recognize that God is also a member of the relationship.  I have learned a lot from this, and it seem like you have as well.  My focus when looking for a partner is not only someone who is relatively strong in their faith, but also someone who constantly desires more of God.  I believe that if God isn't in the relationship, even if both people are Christian, there is nothing that will keep them together when they hit times of darkness.  

Also, men are called to be leaders of the household, so keep doing what you're doing and being bold in your faith.  There are a lot of husbands and fathers that do not step up and lead their family to Christ.  

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Permalink Reply by Charles Burwell on July 22, 2013 at 4:17pm

Adam

 

You've got a lot of good points here. When you said " So I belive if the relationship is not bringing God glory, something is wrong."

 

       you then also said " I have been in a relationship in which both of us called ourselves Christians and went to church, but God was not to be found in our relationship. Sometimes we would pray together, but for the most part, we were more independent with our faith and did not try to grow together and recognize that God is also a member of the relationship."

 

   When I thought about that comment it really was something I can relate to.  We just seemed to be opposites on how God deals with people in real life and not in just theological terms.

 

I also agree wholeheartedly with your comment  "I believe if God isn't in the relationship, even if both people are Christian,there is nothing that will keep them together when they hit times of darkness."

In retrospect I can see that God wasn't being given His proper and deserved place.   God bless you and thank you for sharing.

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Permalink Reply by adam chung on July 23, 2013 at 9:36am

No problem Charles!  But also what helps me is that I give praise to God for getting me out of that relationship.  Its hard to admit at first, but deep down I know that God knew what He was doing and that not only will I be much happier with someone else in the future, but we will give God the glory He deserves.  I can picture my life with the person if I stayed with them.  I can say that it may have caused me to backslide from the faith because we were not bringing out the Christ in each other, nor supporting each other.  I believe 100% that God saved me by ending that relationship,whether I wanted it to end or not.  So these days, I can keep giving thanks to God because I could have ended up being with someone that God did not intend me to be with.

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Permalink Reply by Tammy on July 20, 2013 at 11:52am

Yes, I think absolutely you can be unequally yoked with believers. Many discussions on the site is proof of that. You can have personality conflicts, nothing in common, beliefs bi-polar opposite, etc. We all love one another with a Godly love but we may not like certain things about others.

Now, when we're talking about marriage, that is a totally different story. There are many many things God expects from us as a spouse. The only grounds for divorce I've ever read is being unfaithful. And even then, many are called to forgive & continue in the marriage. I don't know the whole situation so this is where I close my reply. I'm definitely not judging. I'm a divorcee myself - something I said I would never do but here I sit. 

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Permalink Reply by Charles Burwell on July 22, 2013 at 4:30pm

Tammy

 

"The only grounds for divorce I've ever read is being unfaithful. And even then, many are called to forgive and forget and continue in the marriage."  I completely agree with this comment.   And as you said -"but here I sit". It's somewhat like being in a limbo.  You go to church and feel kind of awkward irregardless of how friendly the people are to you. And the people at the church I attend are very friendly.

 

I've always had alittle trouble 'fitting in" places and being in the state of divorce and not believing in marriage to someone else it makes it a little awkward and lonely.  Fortunately ( or possibly NOT fortunately) I'm not with the congregation during the services as I work the sound and recording area in the balcony of the church so I don't really interact with people on a consistant basis. Though it seems easier this way I know it is not necessarily very spiritually helpful.

 

Anyhow, thanks for your reply and God bless.

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Permalink Reply by Tammy on July 22, 2013 at 4:45pm

I totally know where you're coming from brother. Even though I'm married again to an awesome man of God, I still sometimes feel I have that big X on my chest. It's my fault for feeling this way because I don't know a single soul at my church since we're new to the area. I'll be praying that God will glorify Himself in your situation. 

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