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100 Ways to Simplify Your Life
I am reading this right now, by Joyce Meyers. And I'm not trying to pick apart Joyce's work (though Tammy would love that LOL). I actually like her work. But something in the book has me stumped. And she isn't the only person I've heard these same things from.
Ok, so there's Chapter 40 - Have Simple Friends. In this section, Joyce says that the people we spend time with affect us, so if we want a more simple life, we should not have complicated people for close friends. She says to avoid relationships with people who are extremely insecure or negative.
Then you hop over to Chapter 48 - Have a Broad Circle of Inclusion. Here she says God called us to love everyone. God doesn't reject anyone and we shouldn't either. The world is filled with lonely people who are perhaps a bit different. Instead of avoiding those people, we should make every effort to reach out to them. There's a reason each of us are the way we are and we need to remember that except for the grace of God, the people we reject could very well be us. We need to keep our circles of friends broad and inclusive and avoid being exclusive to only those we feel are most like us. She talks of how she felt rejected most of her life and felt people didn't like her (insecure). She said she was desperate for love and acceptance.
These two chapters are in contradiction to one another, and so is a lot of the body of Christ. There is truth that hanging around negative people can affect our own outlook, but there's truth too that if positive people refuse to hang around negative people, negative people don't have anything to base a change in their life on. We learn by example and role model, and if all the role models are me first, are they really doing what God called us to do?
There has to be a balance in there somewhere, but to say to avoid negative or insecure people...in my opinion, that chapter needs a do-over.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Richard L. Broch, Sr. on
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Hi Char,
Duh......I agree with you about the do-over.
And I agree with Tammy over-all.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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To avoid those who are extremely insecure and negative would only increase their burden of insecurity and negativity, not help them bear it. IMO
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Permalink Reply by Seek on
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Exactly. And to have gotten that way, it is generally because they never received encouragement or had anyone that uplifted them, but mostly had those that beat them down. Now it is up to the body of Christ to try and encourage and lift those people. I say if you try and try and see no improvement or find the person is unwilling to try and change, at some point, you gotta step aside to keep from pulling yourself in. But if you treat them as lepers, you only perpetuate the problem.
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We can show empathy and compassion to anyone and everyone in spite of their personality or attitude. Many people are too embarrassed to reach out or too ashamed for anyone to know their condition. Then, when they do swallow their pride and take the risk and ask for help, only to get rejected, even more damage is done. We all need good friends. Some people are very negative. How they got that way is the direct result of the way they were raised, educated, and from their parents and family of origin and many life experiences. Negativity is developed. When you grow up in a dysfunctional home, there are effects. So when you become a part of the family of God, it isn't odd to expect that your new brothers and sisters will treat you differently, with love and care and forgiveness and forbearance and comfort and encouragement and loving communication. You don't expect more rejection or to be avoided because you don't meet standards and don't measure up and are still an outsider. But, it does happen. Sadly.
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Permalink Reply by Deserey Velasquez on
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I haven't read the book you guys are talking about so I am not sure what Joyce Meyer meant to say. Because of this my answer is going to be based off my best understanding of what you guys have said. I definitely agree that you should not avoid people who are extremely insecure and negative. It is those people we should be reaching out to and showing Christ's love.
To me there is two kinds of friends you can have. There is your close circle of friends-the ones you call when something is going on in your life. You call them for prayer, advice, and support. These people are allowed into and trusted with some of the more personal details of your life. For me, these people are ones that I know will give me sound Godly advice whether it's something I want to hear or not. Also, I know they are not going to be talking about my personal life to everyone else.
Someone with extreme insecurity and/or negativity I wouldn't feel secure in sharing those personal details of my life with. I do believe that you want to build a relationship with them and be seeking God's guidance on how you can minister to them and edify them. For my husband and I when God puts someone in our life whom we believe He wants us to edify /minister to then we do invite them over for supper and try to build a relationship with them. However, I would never try to seek counsel from them or share some of the details that may be going on in my life.
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Permalink Reply by David Velasquez on
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Girl - you are sexy and Godly - I am truly blessed. Thank you Lord for my beautiful wife.
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I had an extreme negative attitude when I started out. I still tend to lapse to that thinking. It takes continual work and slow progress. But what I mostly got was told to be positive and I felt avoided by certain people. A few took initiative to actually encourage me, and tell me it takes time, and point out the positive things they saw in me. Extreme insecurity and negativity came from always having my faults pointed out, among other things. It didn't cause me to blab to others what someone shared with me, but did effect how I saw my own life. So people could still feel free to share details. And in fact doing so shows that you trust them, something they may also be lacking in their life and need desperately.
I'm currently going through a course in our church, along with the book I read by John Maxwell called "Becoming a Person of Influence", and it speaks about encouraging and mentoring people to make them into leaders. I didn't have that, but I'm hoping I can some time give it. It seems to make it doubly hard when I'm not coming from that background to learn it, and the first class pretty much depressed me because I felt so out of place. But I'll get there.
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Char,
I understand what you are saying and I believe that it is something you need to be led by God on how much you share with someone who has insecurity and/or negativity.
For many years I had a lot of insecurity and negativity and all my friends I was surrounded with were extremely insecure and negative...most of them would not recognize that fact. I agree that not everybody who has insecurity and/or negativity will go and talk about what you share with them. When I mentioned that I was listing two things that I look for in my closest friends. This was not to say that everyone with insecurity and/or negativity is going to do that. Like you, I never was the type to talk about what people shared with me. However, I have known a lot who would in order to try and make themselves look better. Though I would not talk about what people shared with me, I do realize that my insecurity and negativity did affect the counsel I would give others. For these reasons I think it is wise to seek God's guidance on how much you share with someone experiencing that. If God is leading you to share some area of your life with them then by all means you should.
I think it is very important to encourage and mentor others to make them into leaders. I know it made a huge difference in my life when God put people in my life to mentor me. I am glad to hear that it is your desire to do that and I think God will use you to help a lot of people.
Blessings
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100 ways doesn't sound simple to me. It sounds like a lot to remember. I'd rather eat some cookies and buy some shoes.
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hahaha you are too much hahaha
Really though - 100 ways, complicates things.... :)
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