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Anger Issues
Why do I have anger issues? I have prayed about this for a long time, for several years. How do I get past this and learn to get along with others?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Colby on
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A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. (Proverbs 14:29)
Q.) How do you stop being quick tempered, prone to anger, and instead be patient and understanding toward others?
A.) Heed the wise counsel of Lord Jesus: "Go, and from now on, sin [be angry] no more" (John 8:11) .
Turn to and submit to God, act on his words, and obey his will. Be obedient to God and don't let your feelings and emotions control you. He admonishes us not to be quick tempered or prone to anger. God's Word, the Holy Scriptures, are clear and put anger into perspective.
- James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
- Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing.
- Ephesians 4:22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;
- Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
- Colossians 3:8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.
- Galatians 5:19,20 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division,
- 2 Corinthians 12:20 For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.
- 2 Timothy 2:24 And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.
- Titus 1:7 Since an overseer is entrusted with God's work, he must be blameless--not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain.
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Char - You make an excellent point. There are underlying issues that cause anger, and these need to be resolved. Anger may be a response or reaction to situations real or perceived when we are feeling hurt, frustration, fear or injustice. It may flair up suddenly or build up gradually inside until we can no longer contain it.
Perhaps we could be more helpful with anger management suggestions if B. Short, who says they've been praying about their anger for several years, but apparently with little or no effect, would provide us with more details.
Anger is a powerful emotion. It can destroy friendships and marriages, tear apart families, and divide the Body of Christ. If we do not control or manage our anger, our feelings and passions can overtake us leading to sin.
How do we control our anger? Controlling our thoughts and actions is the key. God demands that we ... " take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). We can't do this on our own; we must submit to the Holy Spirit and let God's grace work in us.
The Bible tells us to deal with symptoms of anger by putting them away. Rather than focus on your anger, put on kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31-32: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
In the first half of Ephesians 4:26, Paul the apostle writes "in your anger do not sin" [NIV] or "don't sin by letting your anger control you" [NLT].
When we do lose control and express anger toward others, the second half of Ephesians 4:26 says, “…let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” When we let anger fester in us, we only hurt ourselves.
1) Be slow to anger.
2) Think carefully before you become angry.
3) When you become angry, control it. We need to cool off or find an outlet for it that doesn't lead to sin.
4) When you express anger toward others, resolve it on the same day; do not let it fester.
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Permalink Reply by B Short on
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Thank you for your response. I totally agree that there are usually underlying issues with uncontrolled outbursts. I know that my issues stem from things that happened in my past with my family and I have tried to reach out to the people involved but they only became angry and pushed me away. I have recently noticed a better relationship between us, but I am still treated as though I am an outsider.
I have five sisters who are all single and I am the only one married. My issues stem from an abusive relationship with my mother who has passed on. I forgave her long before she died, but it my sisters still exclude me. I have to be very careful what I say in conversations with them and I have no close relationship with any of them. They all act as if I have done something wrong; however, I have no idea what it could be. I am an optimist and they all have a pessimistic spirit. Whenever I proclaim the goodness of God or anything good in my life, they blatantly cut me down and make me feel bad.
When my mother was sick, I was not called on to help care for her no matter how often I offered, so I stopped offering and didn't go around as much as the others did. I was eventually confronted about my lack of assistance and I was treated like I had not tried to help. All five sisters seemed to have the same opinion, but I offered time and time again. They are very defensive of one another and share with one another. The oldest sister does things for everyone except me.
She sews and crochets things for family members and shows them to me, but she always forgets to make one of whatever item for me, even though she expects me to admire them--and I do.Before my mother's illness, my grandmother was bed ridden for a long time. I faced the same experiences as with my mother's illness. Now my father is elderly and need constant care. I have offered to help, but I get the same response. The grands are called on to sit with him before anyone calls me. My sisters are so quick tempered with me and I don't want to cause any family problems.
I have said a lot and I have experienced fear of my family finding out that I am writing about this every step of the way. I need to release these fears, but I don't know what to do.
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Thank you; you sound like my daughter. She can't understand why I keep letting this situation bother me. I think I have tried to do all the right things. I guess I should just move on and pray to God to help me not worry about how they respond. And of course I will keep praying for them.
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Permalink Reply by Tammy on
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It's so hard because your family are the ones who are suppose to love you the most. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. Believe you me, if anyone can offer advice in this area, it is Char. She handles it way better then I ever would but she's a very optimistic person & tries to find the good in every situation. I pray one day I may become more like her in this area. I'll be praying for you brother that the Lord will open doors for you to be able to intervene in your dad's life & help. I'll be praying for your wisdom as well as strength in this situation. We love you & have your back so you continue moving forward in His will. You can get this under control.
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You have an awesome attitude & always look for the good in people as well as situations. I'm not saying this but once so copy & paste it somewhere.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda on
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B,
I was just reading through your response here and I noticed a couple of statements which you have made throughout your comment:I have tried to reach out to the people involved but they only became angry and pushed me away; I am still treated as though I am an outsider; my sisters still exclude me. I have to be very careful what I say in conversations with them and I have no close relationship with any of them; I was not called on to help; The oldest sister does things for everyone except me; she always forgets to make one of whatever item for me, even though she expects me to admire them …
Now, I wonder if, after I pointed out what you’ve said, if you will see what I see.
I don’t think it is anger that you feel. I think you feel hurt and rejected. I think that’s what you’re really dealing with. It’s an emotional hurt. There are many different feelings and we can get them confused and not know exactly what it is that we are feeling. There is the feeling of anger, sorrow, disappointment, rejection, jealously, threatened, fear, rebellion, pride, shame, humiliation …
You are hurt. Sometimes we think what someone said or did to us is what is really causing our pain but there generally is a core that goes much deeper than the words and actions of others. I think what is really causing your pain is not anger issues, although you might experience moments of anger when someone does something that hurts you and rightly so. I think you are feeling rejected. Rejection hurts very much.
Your sisters don’t see you the way you want them to see you. You feel you are being shunned and discarded by them. That, in turn, makes you feel like you’re not good enough and unwanted and maybe even unloved.
Just my thoughts.
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You are absolutely correct. I know that I feel hurt and rejected because my family members seem to over look me (often). However, reading these posts have really helped. I feel so uplifted by the responses. I don't know why, but I was surprised that you all are praying for me. Now I know why I have felt so good this week. I even made nice with cooworkers that I usually feel uneasy around. They did nothing to me, but I was always finding reasons to not blend in. I felt so at ease that I sat down and ate lunch with them today and commited to lunch tomorrow. I believe, no I know, that I have let go of some underlying issues. Please keep praying for me.
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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The following may be of some help. It was last Sunday's message entitled "Dealing with Anger."
Lord Bless,
LT
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I have them also but metal music was my cure
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Permalink Reply by Miss Kitty on
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HONEY I CAN IDENTIFY WITH EVERYTHING YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND IT'S NOT EASY. YOU WANT TO BE LOVED AND EXCEPTED , YOU FEEL LIKE AN OUTSIDER. FROM WHAT I HAVE READ, YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY SAVED, AND THEY ARE NOT. (CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG). LIGHTNESS AND DARKNESS CAN NOT LIVE TOGETHER, IT JUST DOESN'T WORK. PERHAPS THEY SEE IN YOU, WHAT THEY WANT TO BE AND ACTUALLY ARE VERY ANGRY AND JEALOUS OF YOU. THIS IS THE CASE ALOT OF TIMES. I FELT IF ONLY I COULD BE MORE LIKE MY OLDER SISTER, MAYBE MAMA WOULD LOVE ME AND ACCEPT ME. GUESS WHAT ONCE I ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT I WAS SOMEBODY VERY SPECIAL IN CHRIST JESUS I HAD TO TAKE A REAL LONG HARD LOOK, I THEN REALIZED THAT I LOVED THE PERSON GOD CREATED AND WAS SHAPING. ALL THAT TIME I HAD SLAPPED THE POTTER'S HAND, I ASKED FORGIVENESS AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN THE SAME!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!! TODAY I LOVE MY SISTER EVEN MORE THAN EVER, I PRAY DAILY THAT SHE GIVES HER HEART TO THE LORD!!!! I MINISTER WHEN THE DOORS ARE OPEN. BUT MOSTLY I PRAY THAT GOD WILL USE ME AS AN EXAMPLE AND THAT HIS LIGHT SHINES THROUGH!!! GOD IS REALLY MOVING!!! THINGS HAVE HAPPENED AND THINGS SHE HAS SPOKEN TO ME JUST BLEW ME AWAY!!!!I DO BELEIVE SHE WILL ACCEPT JESUS AS HER PERSONAL SAVIOR, I'LL NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD FOR HER PRECIOUS SOUL!!!MY MOTHER WENT TO BE WITH THE LORD ON MY BIRTHDAY IN 2010. I MISS HER GREATLY. GOD DID GIVE ME THE LAST 8 YEARS OF HER LIFE A LOVING MOTHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP! I'LL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I WALK IN THE ASISSTED LIVING AND SHE BURST INTO TEARS, CRYING OH MY REDHEADED BABY GIRL I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!!! I KNEW THEN SHE REALLY DID LOVE ME AFTER ALL!!!! THANK YOU JESUS FOR ANSWERED PRAYER. I PRAYED FOR THIS FOR YEARS!!! GOD DOES ANSWER PRAYER!! KEEP UP THE GOOD FAITH AND NEVER GIVE UP!!!! I LOVE YOU AND AM PRAYING FOR YOU KAY
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