family hate

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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on June 23, 2012 at 5:35am

This is a tough situation. You obviously have a deep love for your sister and mother, as well as value family. The problem is that you are dealing with people and in any relationship it requires both parties to engage and be willing to work through any conflict or differences. It appears that you have kept the door open, but your sister has closed it and put restrictions on you in order for her to open that door. If I may say boldly, she is trying to control you and the relationship. You are only responsible for your actions. I would stay true to God and family, extend love to her and leave the door open, but require her to met you in the middle, so to speak. Practical actions that you can take to keep the door open is to extend love with out expectation of return, that is until she breaks. Call her on her birthday and holidays to wish her a happy birhtday, merry Christmas, etc. Attend family functions, but refuse to get pulled into the mud (argument). Take the high road speaking truth while demonstrating love and respect. I know this seems onesided and unfair, but in a sense it is onesided and unfair as you cannot be responsible for her actions, but these are good steps if the relationship matters to you. Sometimes it is appropriate to withdraw, but I can only say based on what you have written that withdrawl does not appear to be the right approach at this time.

 

Hope this helps a little.

 

Lord Bless,

LT

Permalink Reply by robert pierce on June 24, 2012 at 6:28pm

u are correct i also believe it to be a deep seated control issue amongst them both my sister more so i believe but the reason i have seperated from them is the negativity they bring to my life has caused me to have problems spritually i am not blaming it on them just that it makes it hareder for me to stay positive in my life i do love family and wish dearly we coould be one but after years of this mental abuse i feel saddened by knowing that it is over for us, but renewed in my faith wich also causes me to want to help them but i feel all i have left is to just pray for them and know god will handle it but thamk you for the advice i know now i am not the only one who sees a prooblem both for my family and christians as a whole, as i too cringe when talking with someoone about god and when they find out who my sister is they back away because i assume they think i am like her we live in the next town over and they are small towns where everyone is friendly now i find it hard to witness to anyone because of the way she potrays christ i feel like i am constantly doing damage repair because of her.

Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on June 23, 2012 at 8:05am

Robert,

I agree with what LT says. To add to what he has said, may I say that God intends for you to love your wife next to Him. He always comes first, as you know.

I know this situation isn't something you want, but sticking by your wife is your job. God gave you that chore when He brought you together. Family ranks well beneath her....always. 

Always listen to what God speaks to you through His Word. It isn't His intention that you be confused by what a pastor says....and the pastor is student to his Teacher and God is his Teacher. Pastor's word should never countermand what God says.

Blessings to you as you work through this problem.....

Rita

Permalink Reply by Leonard T on June 23, 2012 at 8:29am

Rita,

Good word.

Lord Bless,

LT

Permalink Reply by Tammy on June 24, 2012 at 3:17pm

LT's reply was pretty awesome. He's a better man then me. Well, probably because I'm not a man but I was trying to put myself in your place as I was reading this. The anger is still spilling thru my pores which I know isn't the best place to be. My first instinct would be to counter everything they said with the Word & ask them to back their game. It's really lame that your mother has actually taken sides. I don't believe I would ever do that or I hope I never would. I actually don't understand their tudes. Obviously, this preacher they listen to needs to check up himself or they may be misrepresenting him somehow. I don't want to presume anything about the man of God. But if she listened closely or even read a verse or two, she would know that the way to people's hearts isn't by knocking them out. You love people into the kingdom. You're to be a light, not something that people try to avoid. It's behaviors like theirs that make so many wanna away from the Lord instead of towards Him. I wouldn't find it a bit hard to avoid them. We avoid Tim's mom all the time. lololol. Everything I said though, isn't the way the Lord would have you handle it as far as asking them to back their game. I'm just saying that's probably what I would do. And anyways, ask them where in the Bible does it say that the Lord has placed him over them? I know God does place others over us. I would just want to ask them to see if they even knew. The best advice is what LT said. The advice I gave is from the enemy. lolololol