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How do I find a good church?
The first night I attended this church, I brought my 24 year old son with me. I’m really shy and my husband is deployed, so my son came with me for support. My son is 6’2” and I’ve learned to introduce him as my son right away to avoid people assuming anything else. The first person we met at this new church was a woman in her 60’s. She immediately voiced that she did not believe he was my son and started questioning my age. When I politely did not divulge personal information to a stranger, she turned to my son and started attacking him about my age, then his age. She finally blurted out, “you’re 24, when did she had you? 30 years ago?” My son and I just looked at each other in shock. Did she just ask my son if I gave birth to him when I was 18 years old? Wow. We almost didn’t go back because of her. We had obviously met the church gossiper. However, we did go back the following Thursday night. I had a hunger to hear more about God’s word. By this time I could tell other people were assuming things about me and my son. I felt like I needed to stand in front of the congregation and make the announcement that this is my son. So, I filled out a prayer request with my offering asking for prayer for my son to learn Jesus’ plan for salvation and to accept it into his heart. After all, I’m bringing him with me because he believes in God, but he is still struggling to believe Jesus was more than a man. He won’t take my word for it. The very next week church members started coming up to shake my son’s hand saying, so you’re the son. Aha! Word sure gets around this church. So, that issue was settled and people began talking to us. I really want to be saved, so the next week I answered the alter call. I was the only one. I silently raised my hand and the pastor asked me to come to the front while everyone in the house kept their heads bowed and eyes closed. I wish they really would have because I was so terrified. I think I missed what the pastor was saying. I was quickly whisked away to a back room with a woman who asked me to fill out an information card. She then handed me a Bible. Then my heart sank with what she told me next. “Don’t believe what other people say. Even if you don’t feel anything emotionally, Jesus came into your heart.” Even-if-you-don’t-feel-anything. Her words echoed through my heart. Well, after all my research about what to hope for in my experience when I accept Jesus and what I should be leery of, I was pretty sure the latter is what happened to me. CBB said that churches today teach that all you have to do is say certain words and salvation happens. Like a creed. Just recite these words and you’re going to heaven. I’m smart enough to know that’s not true. I want to accept Jesus into my heart. I want to be anointed with the Holy Spirit. I want to feel His love. I want to experience the real conversion with the desire to turn away from my sins, the dying of my old body and be reborn again. All my hopes were dashed when she told me, don’t worry if you don’t feel anything. Wow. So, a week went by and I never heard from her, my sponsor. She said I would have to call the church because she didn’t know when the next baptism would be. I called and called every day, but no one ever answered. I used the church’s website email and requested a meeting with the pastor, but no reply. I have been to this church 4 or 5 times now and I still have not been able to talk to anyone. I really wanted a conversation with the pastor. I have so many questions about my salvation. Feeling overlooked, but still hopeful someone would eventually help me, my son and I spent New Year’s Eve at the sermon from 10pm to 12pm with communion afterward. Parts of the sermon were unusual. The pastor tends to yell toward the end of his sermons and has a propensity for theatrics, but his sermon focused on the uncircumcised men that were the children of the slaves that were freed from Israel headed to Jericho. I can’t count how many times he said the word circumcision, and yelled out “owwwwww” and forced us to think about the act of cutting these men with one sharp knife, etc…you get the idea. Where’s the God part? It finally came in the yelling at the last minute before midnight after two hours of circumcision talk. The pastor yelled out that God wanted the men to yell outside the wall in spite of their pain. I think the message was meant to be deeper than that, but maybe it got away from him with his theatrics to make the act of their circumcision so vivid in our minds. So, the next week and I still have not heard from my sponsor and still cannot reach anyone at the church. My son is sick this week and I have to pray for the courage to attend by myself. Last night the pastor talks about how there are people visiting from out of state that have asked to be baptized and he is going to do this next Thursday. I’m wondering why I have been overlooked. What about my baptism? How in the heck did they reach the pastor when I haven’t been able to? I’ve been coming every week! Then the pastor starts counting the empty seats on the right side of the church. He stopped at 39. He’s speaking of all the souls that are lost out there, but could be sitting in one of those seats. I’m thinking, I’m a lost soul right here. What about me? Save me preacher, I’m right here! Okay, now he’s got me feeling guilty about thinking of my soul and not about people I don’t know that are out there somewhere, but not here. He leads up to his alter call and gets two men to come up. The pastor is giddy now. He asks the choir to sing for these two men. He has the entire church praying word for word for these two men’s salvation. The pastor continues praying for them loudly. He yells out for them to shake hands because they have both been saved on the same day. The celebration continues…and I’m standing there all alone wondering where my support was. I desperately wanted salvation. I asked for help, but I came up by myself that night. Did I need to wait until there were more people in order to be important enough to get saved? I need people to pray for me because I’m all alone and desperately trying to turn to God. The pastor then tells everyone in the church that we should be bringing in others to fill those empty seats. We should be responsible for the next ones to answer the alter call to be saved. We should be able to pat them on the back and yell out, “I brought that person!” I felt a huge weight of guilt because my heart was breaking. I was thinking, pastor, I’m right here. Remember me? I asked to be saved and baptized two weeks ago. Why are you making me feel guilty for not bringing in other people when I’m right here lost and I am being overlooked? I can’t take anymore guilt. I’ve endured a lifetime of abuse and neglect. It took me years to be able to feel God might just love me enough to save me. For months I prayed and prayed for the courage to step into a church. My therapist told me about this one, and it took me a year to work up the courage to go. I needed help. I had read the Bible, but I had so many questions. I’m so afraid about my salvation. I don’t want to be one of those that think they are saved, but on judgment day Jesus says, “I don’t know you.” So, I went to this church thinking I would be shown the way to true salvation. I have a hunger for His word I can’t fill alone. Last night, I turned away from all the yelling and congratulating and ruckus and walked out the door. I was praying in my heart for the two men who were clearly being saved. I was praying it would be real for them. I hoped God was truly entering their life and changing them. I cried as I walked out. I knew it wasn’t happening for me there. I couldn’t participate in the “showmanship.” This is very sad for me because for a couple of minutes I really thought the pastor was speaking to my heart, like he was reading my mind. So, what do I do now? How do I find a church? How do I find a pastor that teaches the Bible? Should a pastor make me feel so much guilt for others when I’m dealing with a lifetime of my own guilt already? Am I wrong in hoping that I will find fellowship in a church or is that old fashioned now? How do I become saved?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Rita Cullimore on
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Harmony, you can answer the drawing of the Holy Spirit to Christ through simple prayer. Invite Christ into your heart and ask Him to forgive all your sins and it is done. Study the Bible, which is God's Will for your life. Read it, and the questions will be answered by the Holy Spirit as you are ready to receive them. Focus on the New Testament because it tells you how you should live. Don't ignore the Old Testament but concentrate on the New. We are saved by God's Grace, and it abounds in the New Testament. Study the gospel(Good News) starting with John, possibly. John is a very spiritual part of the Gospel. John tells you Who Christ is. Matthew, Mark, Luke tell you of His ministry.
Romans is a great book, showing you how to live as you grow in the Lord.
As you accept Christ, you might not *feel* anything, other than relief. As you study God's Word, you will just know that you know that you are secure in God's arms.
Blessing to you on your road to discovery....
Rita
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Thank you, Rita. I appreciate your response to my post. I've heard that just going to church does not make one a Christian, and that everyone who goes to church is not a Christian. I will continue reading and begin again with John, as you suggested. I'm now using the New Living Testament and I am able to understand a lot more. I was thinking a pastor would provide me with all kinds of wonderful insights that I would never be aware of by reading the Bible alone. Plus I know it says I am supposed to seek out other Christians for fellowship, but I don't think that if I leave church crying, feeling worse, and farther from God that this is the fellowship I am hoping for. Maybe I have unrealistic hopes. I'm not sure. I understand what you're saying to me, though. I will find what my heart is needing in the Bible and I can't go wrong if I always turn to His word.
Warmest wishes, Harmony
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Permalink Reply by Leonard T on
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Finding a good church can be a challenge and a journey, but a journey worth taking. There are so many benefits to being connected to a positive godly body. One should never try to walk this journey alone unless specifically led by the Holy Spirit to do so for a particular reason that God has planned.
Do not give up based on past experiences, but seek out the place where a love for Jesus and one another is displayed. You will not regret taking the journey once you have found the place!!!
Lord Bless,
LT
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I believe the church you are describing is the one my heart wants me to find. It's what I need. I need a loving church that takes care of not only their members, but has compassion for others. I wish I knew if I was being led by the Holy Spirit. I'm trying to read all I can about this, but I guess that is one of the reasons I became so frustrated with this church in the first place. I can't speak to anyone to get any answers to my many questions. I was starving for His word. But, I wanted to thank you for your post, LT. I have not given up hope there is a church that will help me with my salvation.
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Your reply is so full of inspiration that I really need. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my lengthy post and make the effort to respond. You have me thinking a lot right now. Your question about what I was thinking when I answered the alter call. I think I knew I wanted to be saved, and so knew I wanted to raise my hand, but was so frightened from being so shy that I lost the moment. Yes, I truly want to be saved and I am noticing small changes. I think I understand your meaning about "growing in Christ." I also think I can view the guilt in a better perspective now. This means so much. I didn't even know what witnessing is until I read about it after your message. I have lots to think about! I really needed some direction. I've been afraid I am going to lose everything I've been hoping for. You've given me hope. I can't wait to read your chapter! Thank you again and again.
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I was assigned a "sponsor" which I think is the same as a mentor, but she disappeared on me. I learned there is a new members class that started last week, but is continuing on Tuesday evening. Should I go to this? It is taught by the pastor and I have yet to be able to speak to him since I started going there weeks ago. I've read through all your posts and I can identify with a lot. I love your style of writing. You're so talented and such an inspiration! I saw that you try to read all you can and also listen to sermons. I also download a lot of sermons to listen to while I walk and love to read too. I just want to soak up all that I can. Sometimes I come across things that confuse me and even scare me. You are so much more knowledgeable than I am and since I don't have anyone I can turn to at this time, may I ask you a question about a topic I discovered while searching for other churches in my area? I took a "which denomination are you" quiz and one of the questions asked about predetermination. I wasn't exactly sure how that was meant in the church so I spent the day reading all about it. From what I understand so far, God predetermines who will be saved (the elected) and those who will receive death? This can't be right, can it? Can you offer any information on this subject? Perhaps it means that God has predetermined who will be able to accept the offer of salvation and who can't. I found this verse: "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that i might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens who he wants to harden." (Romans 9:15-18, NIV)
"The Lord said to Moses, "When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go." (Exodus 4:21, NIV)
"For many are called, but few [are] chosen." (Matthew 22:14)
Thank you once again for your message. I find myself eagerly reading all you write and I'm grateful. ~Harmony
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Your perspective on predetermination lifts my heart. Another reason I can see why knowing the Bible is so important. So many add or take away from His word and it is confusing.
I will go to the class tomorrow. It took me so long to take the step to go to church, I will not allow it to be stolen away from me so quickly. Satan is clever! I'm so glad I found you here and that you gave me encouragement not to give up. I feel I just can't thank you enough.
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Well, I think you have a gift. You've already got me sorted out and prevented me from rushing into taking action before I listened to what God wants for me. I was reading your posts and learned about how to wait. Wow, so many things I can learn from you and others here. I even searched for sanctification after learning what it is in your chapters. I hope I have found a friend in you.You've already been a blessing to me.
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Permalink Reply by Larry M. on
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There is no perfect church on this earth, especially the institutions. Even in the body of Christ, the church. Every parts compliment each other, there are weak and strong, novice and elders, talkers and listeners, front missionaries and prayer warriors, etc and etc... as LT said it is a Journey, but as you travel be sure to feed yourself with the word of God ( milk, water, bread, vegetable and meat ) as you become nearer to Him every passing trials, happiness, struggles, sickness. joy, losses, blessings and etc.
A life of clay in the potters hand, removing those rough edges for wonderful purposes.
A smooth sailing voyage on the ship but be prepare for the storms, but do not worry God is on the boat to calm the wind and the seas.
A wood in the bonfire, who need each other to keep the flame burning.
God will guide you in the right body that you will fit in and be of use, just be willing... keep looking unto our Lord Jesus Christ not on men... Keep reading His word not the commentaries...
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Thank you, Larry. Your words are very inspiring to me, and I am grateful for your kind message to me. I need it! You are offering me such sound advice about reading His word versus the commentaries. Hopefully that was a quick lesson for me. I so appreciate people like you who offer help to me. It's so hard for me. I wnt to be so close, but I'm struggling because I am so new. God bless you. ~Harmony
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