All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
My story
I'm so glad I found this site. I need to offload everything weighing me down, but I don't want to talk to anyone I know in real life...I don't want to be judged unfairly. Also I feel I have to be careful, because a Church is involved in my story.
To make it as short as possible I am a twice married 37 yo mom of three. I thought I was a christian, but really only got saved three years ago..so I made the mistake of marrying two non-christians.
8 years ago my second husband and I lost one of our children to SIDS. I feel bad for eveything I put him through after that. I was quite a chore to live with. As I started getting emotionally better I realized that health wise something had changed and I was very sick.
My husband left me and I allowed him to go. I guess I felt I had been a terrible wife. He went overseas (military) and my father decided to move out, leaving the kids and I effectively homeless. 3 months later I found a house that a lady was going to hold a mortgage for me. I was thrilled because I would be buying not renting..although I knew the house had issues...ok...old 70's trailer..not house, I felt lucky to have a home.
My first husband quit paying child support. I tried to get on food stamps and was told becaue I had court ordered child support I did not qualify even though he was not paying. The house starting breaking apart. The AC went out, there were holes in the floor, etc. I went back to school and I really took on to many hours, so the housework did get out of hand. I was in so much pain most days, I told everyone I knew i needed help, I was drowning in it all.
Due to lack of gas money I left the church I loved and joined the one across the street from me. I never really felt they wanted me there, but I felt that it must have been God's will for me to be there or else I would have been able to afford staying where I was.
On Good Friday...the exact 8 year anniversary of when I buried my daughter I left town with my oldest daughter to sing with the college choir. It was a graded concert and I was required to be there. My youngest daughter was with my mom and my son was at a friends. I came home to police. I was charged with child abandonment and child endagerment. I was in shock....apparently my mom had dropped my daughter off with my friend and my friend tried to tell the policeman (who had called her and told her to bring my daughter back to my house...I really don't get that part) that she had never been left alone.
I was supposed to stay in jail all weekend, but the next day when they checked everyone's stories, they let me out. My "estranged" husband drove down immediately. To give him credit he was very very supportive of me. The DA's office dropped all charges.
It came out that the church had made the call. I'm still trying not to be bitter. I do know, and openly admitted my house was a wreck. Apparently the preacher went in my home while I was gone and everything got out of hand from there. I feel betrayed...I had gone to him for help, he ignored me, and then did that to me....wow..talk about feeling confused and violated.
My husband decided too many house repairs were needed, he got us into base housing where he is stationed. I moved up here with the belief that we were going to work on our marriage. He informed me the other day that when we head back to Fl he wants to be on his own again. He says he prefers his solitude. So here we are right back where we were...nothing more than good friends living under the same roof.
On a good note I am getting better health care. I have been diagnosed with rhuematiod arthritis and with better pain management I am able to keep the house up. It feels good to have a clean home....relaxing and peaceful.
On a bad note....I feel like I'm sinning by worrying about my future and making plans for if he leaves again...but I don't want to be caught by suprise again and end up out in the cold because I wasn't ready.
On another bad note...I'm having a hard time getting my 13 yo twins to go to church. They really don't know how to feel about what happened. In fact, they knew the church had called before I did. Apparently the news does not check to see if charges are sticking, they only check the arrest reports...so I was in the paper and my face was plastered on the news.....my kids got text messages like crazy from friends telling them and they told me.
So....that's the deal....I don't want anyone here to know. Everyone here has been real nice and accepting and have really made me feel at home in a strange place....I don't want that to change, so I thought maybe I could offload here without judgement???
To make it as short as possible I am a twice married 37 yo mom of three. I thought I was a christian, but really only got saved three years ago..so I made the mistake of marrying two non-christians.
8 years ago my second husband and I lost one of our children to SIDS. I feel bad for eveything I put him through after that. I was quite a chore to live with. As I started getting emotionally better I realized that health wise something had changed and I was very sick.
My husband left me and I allowed him to go. I guess I felt I had been a terrible wife. He went overseas (military) and my father decided to move out, leaving the kids and I effectively homeless. 3 months later I found a house that a lady was going to hold a mortgage for me. I was thrilled because I would be buying not renting..although I knew the house had issues...ok...old 70's trailer..not house, I felt lucky to have a home.
My first husband quit paying child support. I tried to get on food stamps and was told becaue I had court ordered child support I did not qualify even though he was not paying. The house starting breaking apart. The AC went out, there were holes in the floor, etc. I went back to school and I really took on to many hours, so the housework did get out of hand. I was in so much pain most days, I told everyone I knew i needed help, I was drowning in it all.
Due to lack of gas money I left the church I loved and joined the one across the street from me. I never really felt they wanted me there, but I felt that it must have been God's will for me to be there or else I would have been able to afford staying where I was.
On Good Friday...the exact 8 year anniversary of when I buried my daughter I left town with my oldest daughter to sing with the college choir. It was a graded concert and I was required to be there. My youngest daughter was with my mom and my son was at a friends. I came home to police. I was charged with child abandonment and child endagerment. I was in shock....apparently my mom had dropped my daughter off with my friend and my friend tried to tell the policeman (who had called her and told her to bring my daughter back to my house...I really don't get that part) that she had never been left alone.
I was supposed to stay in jail all weekend, but the next day when they checked everyone's stories, they let me out. My "estranged" husband drove down immediately. To give him credit he was very very supportive of me. The DA's office dropped all charges.
It came out that the church had made the call. I'm still trying not to be bitter. I do know, and openly admitted my house was a wreck. Apparently the preacher went in my home while I was gone and everything got out of hand from there. I feel betrayed...I had gone to him for help, he ignored me, and then did that to me....wow..talk about feeling confused and violated.
My husband decided too many house repairs were needed, he got us into base housing where he is stationed. I moved up here with the belief that we were going to work on our marriage. He informed me the other day that when we head back to Fl he wants to be on his own again. He says he prefers his solitude. So here we are right back where we were...nothing more than good friends living under the same roof.
On a good note I am getting better health care. I have been diagnosed with rhuematiod arthritis and with better pain management I am able to keep the house up. It feels good to have a clean home....relaxing and peaceful.
On a bad note....I feel like I'm sinning by worrying about my future and making plans for if he leaves again...but I don't want to be caught by suprise again and end up out in the cold because I wasn't ready.
On another bad note...I'm having a hard time getting my 13 yo twins to go to church. They really don't know how to feel about what happened. In fact, they knew the church had called before I did. Apparently the news does not check to see if charges are sticking, they only check the arrest reports...so I was in the paper and my face was plastered on the news.....my kids got text messages like crazy from friends telling them and they told me.
So....that's the deal....I don't want anyone here to know. Everyone here has been real nice and accepting and have really made me feel at home in a strange place....I don't want that to change, so I thought maybe I could offload here without judgement???
Views: 102
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by christelle on
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I do know that my past sins are forgiven...what I am struggling with is bitterness. Bitterness that the Church would do that...bitterness that the police can just make a false arrest like that....bitterness that the news would be so careless as to report a false arrest as though it were the truth...and bitterness that I came so far away from home on the premise of a lie as far as my marriage goes.
I was not guilty of what I was accussed of....in fact the DA was shocked and couldn't clear me fast enough. I am guilty of not being able to let go of the bitterness. I'm trying hard, but I can't even think of that Church without wanting to call and tell them how I feel...and since I don't believe any good would come out of it, I know I should leave it alone and not say anything.
Trust in God only...your right, and I've always known this. I have to get my children to believe it now. We have found a good church here....it hurts me to see them so untrusting of the church we are going to now.
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Oh..but thank you...for the encouragement...it's really hard to keep so quiet....sometimes I just want to explode and tell someone here, but until this happened to me...I would have been very disbelieving.....I mean, I never knew that innocent people could jsut be arrested like that...I had always thought if you were arrested you must have done something wrong.
I guess I'm facing my own judgement now...being viewed the way I would have viewed someone. It's not a nice feeling to see yourself that way. Hopefully from now on I'll listen and give the benefit of the doubt to people.
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Permalink Reply by Carla on
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Hello Dear Christelle,
I am sorry to hear of your hurt! God is right there with you...holding you. It is in these times that He simply carries us. We will rarely understand the circumstances in our lives....That is...until we have worked past them with God's help. God brings us out of the pit! He lifts each of us up to where He is. You must simply hand over all of your circumstances to Him, which I am certain you have done already. It is in His timing. So He will softly say "Be Patient my child, I am working for the good of all who Love me" Just know that you are so important to Him, and He Loves you with an everlasting Love, it is a Love which we cannot accurately describe, understand or fully give back to Him. As thanks for that Love, all we can do is give ourselves....And in His great Love, that is what He wants---You! Cry out to Jesus. Oh what a beautiful place to rest...in the arms of Jesus.
In His Great Love, Carla
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Permalink Reply by Ron Payne on
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Dear Christelle,
Both Carla and Donna are correct in what they say. Reading through your answers to them shows me that God has already completed an amazing work in your life when you say: "I know that my past sins are forgiven". It is the Holy Spirit who confirms that in your heart.
Because of this confirmation given by the Holy Spirit, no matter what others may say, you can walk tall and proud.
I do know and believe that God says: "Revenge is mine". But I also believe He does not want us to allow others to treat us like second hand baggage. We are after all, the Sons and Daughters of the living God and need not be ashamed or allow others to defame us. I would contact the particular editor and demand an apology, plus place a correction to the libel he has placed in the paper, without first checking the facts.
May I repeat what a good friend of mine always says: The Lord Bless you "REAL" Good.
Your Friend in Christ - Ron
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Wow, that is a lesson that I have really been growing in since we made the move. I find myself coming to peace with the fact that I can't always make everyone happy and it's ok to not be everything for everybody.
I did really allow others to take advantage of me and also to make me feel bad about myself. God has put me in the middle of some very strong christian neighbors and I have to be careful everyday. Back home so many people literally milked me dry...here my neighbors want to do so much for me that I have to slow them down because I want to be an equal friend and not taking advantage myself. It is such a different environment to be in, but it has helped me see that good friends will be like I'm trying to do now and stand on their own as much as they can. It's also helped me see that I did not have good friends before but I am worthy of good friends.
I am amazed at how quickly I am growing a self esteem.
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