When numb is what I know

Ok, I hope...maybe atleast someone can relate to this.

Things seem to be going great. But, than life collapses.

When your faith is numb.

When you know there's loved ones in trouble and you can't even speak.

When life piles up so much. When you hear the Holy Spirit keep bringing up 2 Corinthians 12:9 but your spirit, heart, ears and mind have grown numb.

When the stress of life causes your body pain.

When you put up a wall around yourself because you can't bear life's burdens, yet it is just there to slowly hurt.

When fear, confusion...dread trys it's best to cause more harm.

When you feel like this:

Running through an old country side in the pouring down rain, trying to escape.

Coming across an abondened farm house, going in for shelter.

Going into a closet and shutting the door, wishing Jesus was physically there, getting to hear His precious voice, and to hear those sweet words "I love you child, I'm with you."

Crying on His shoulder, releasing the agonzing pain.

Can anyone relate to this?

edit: I know people will probably say I'm not. But, why do I seem so worthless to Jesus....I feel like I could cry. I can't even preach His gospel right.

I'm depressed, sick...there's too much stress....not to mention a really bad split nail and I may be suffering from an allergic reaction from hand soap (even little things are making me  depressed). I know the Holy Spirit keeps telling me that 2 Corinthians, I think it's verse 9. The problem? Fear is keeping me from faith.

I know there's other Christians they are really living for the Lord! I'm so sick of how I can't be a good witness for Him. It was ok until...

I don't want to be a bother but if I hold this in it's only going to hurt more...and holding it in before almost helped kill me a long time ago.

It's so frustrating. I want to help Jesus out. But, that organazation has me scared to even talk to its people because it seems like any move I make is dangerous. If you were around them for almost 4 years and witnessed/heard the things I've seen/heard you'd know what I mean...