What If? (Again)

What if the time comes that you need to give all you have? What if God ask you to give it all? Will you give it just like our God did, when He gave his only Son for us? Will you give all your time, even it will take your time with your family, yourself and even to be with your love ones? Yesterday I started to read the 1 week plan for reading the bible; it is started from the start where Jesus was born. I really want to start reading from that kind of start, when all things have begun. It was Book of Matthew that I was reading. Then the story goes where Jesus was baptized and begins his journey. Then Jesus calls Simon (Peter) and Andrew then James and John, then they left and went with him. After I read this there’s something in my head that is really annoying me. Actually before I plan to read it, this thing already annoys me. And then ask me, “What if God is calling you? Will you go with him just like them?” then I think and say “What if you are just provoking me to do something that I don’t need to?” after that there’s something in my head and said “What if you just avoiding it because you’re afraid?” and now I’m thinking what am I afraid for? Maybe I’m not ready, or maybe I’m just thinking I’m not ready? Then I ask, what will happen if I go? And what if I decided to go, what will I do? And what if I’m just thinking too much? What if I just misunderstood the message? What if I’m wrong? How will I know? I remember my pastor said before “If you have a calling, you, yourself only know it.” But what if my mind is too denial for what I’m capable of? Then why would God gave me this kind of mind? What is the right message that God wants me to know or to learn? And what God wants me to do? Or what God want me to understand?