All About GOD - Growing Relationships with Jesus and Others
This is importent to ask...
but am I equal to other people? The question is more complicated than it looks for me.
Am I less than other people? Why do I get treated with respect here, treated like a person? Am I a person?
I've thought about it before. I don't know what it's like for the most part (aside from mainly internet Christians and certain people and some people who taught me (the one who grabbed my arm is nicer now, praise God!) I don't know what it's like to interact with people who treat me with...I dare say this word...respect for the most part. 12th grade was better than most grades and I wasn't as hated. There were certin times but not nearly as many! Few in comparision. But, it's been emotionally/mentally cemented into my brain...nappy hair, I'm weaker, i'm inferior...that my hair's a mess (I tend to get the hint when people throw gum in it on the bus). Yes, I've graduated and the kids are gone but I still don't know how...don't know why people on here (I know because of Jesus) treat me with respect.
Please understand I've been in school from April 1995 (that year I went on certain days) to May 2011. For so long it's been put into my brain how useless and inferior I can be. Now people treat me nice. I don't know how to respound and I had to blog about it because I need answers. I can't comprehend kindness. Forgive me for not understanding. But, instead of getting stuff thrown in my hair, talked about, laughed at, threatened, sexually harassed (which happened 3 times), groups of kids against me...
I need the love of Christ shown because I don't comprehend the kindness. Forgive me...please try to understand. When I've had atleast 12 (don't remember being picked on as much kape/pre-kape) years of...some grades were better atleast despite not perfect(like 1st and 2nd and 4th). Please help me understand...My brain seems to block out alot of the good memories. When I think of school, I think of pain alot. Now I kind of get a little suprise, people have actually been nice...thank you.
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Comment by feet breath on April 26, 2012 at 10:11am
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Thanks, I'll go look.
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Well, if that's the case, He's working on me!
Thank you, take your time.
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What verses are they, Choco?
I accepted Jesus awhile back, almost 2 years ago, is that what you mean by accept His love?
If I could see you or any brother/sister in person...thanks for showing Jesus' love!
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Wait a minute. I know I'm a person physically, but mentally/emotionally I just don't seem like a person. I've been so inferior. So, I should be treated not like an animal...I'm a person and it's ok if people treat me with respect? It's ok to be treated like a human...
Wait a minute. Please be pacient if I'm iritatating. You see me as a human being...
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Sister, I don't know how to properly think that. How to think good thoughts towards myself. I have exreamly low-self esteem. Something that helps though is talking about what happened. It realese what I've kept inside myself.
For ex. I keep getting this flashback. That boy wanted to stab me with a pencil. "You're so dead, I'm going to stab you with this pencil! Just wait until I get you out on the street alone!" Please pray he finds Jesus. That and the memories with the bathroom incidents. And, the flash back with the guy on Skype... Those are the most consistent flashbacks.
The thing is he threatened a counsler as well. The counsler said "Now Josh it isn't nice to threaten people."
Love and God bless,
feetbreeze
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Comment by Mary O on April 25, 2012 at 7:01am
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P.S., I ask God to heal your heart and to comfort you. Father please send ministering angels to hold Feet. In Jesus' name, Amen.
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They were kids. Kids do foolish things. What happened to you was mean-spirited and foolish. It's gone, you can't change it. You learned how people shouldn't be treated.
A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away. (Proverbs 22:15)
The KJV uses the rod of correction. The rod of correction isn't necessarily a spanking. It is what gets the child's attention. But the point is a child's heart is foolish.
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Proverbs 22:6)
Something you can do, it's very therapeutic...
Imagine a river. You are on one side. See yourself as a child on the other side. Cross the river. Sit down under a tree and talk to that child. The child and the adult are good people. Tell the child that she is good and kind. Say I love you. It's okay to see your adult self hugging your child self. Feet, you are a good person. God loves you. It's not like people love. We are as grass. (Psalm 103) God is going to love you forever. The things that happen to us here are but a flicker and a moment. God is forever and He loves you. You can tell your child self that. My hope is that this will begin a healing process for you.
But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. (Psalm 103:17)
Love and God bless,
Mary
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