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There is no one lower than I...

Forgive me if this makes someone stumble. I know I'm a stumbling block.

I'm so confused. There's people who say it's possible to loose your salvation. Well,than I can't go to Heaven because there's no way I can keep myself saved.

I'm a disgrace to God and to the body of Christ. Why do I even exist?

There's people who have in the past treated me like I'm the lowest person on this planet. I've got treated like that even after I graduated from school. Even a couple times believers have...It's true I am to blame. I'm lower than any other human being.

All I have to do is just be around. Last year we went to a family gathering [which is extreamly rare,never happens]. Like everyone was talking. My uncle couldn't get a word in edge wise because of me. I was singled out when everyone else was talking.

I think it was earlier this year I didn't pick up the phone quick enough. My other uncle started screaming at me on the phone. He was mad I didn't pick up the phone fast enough.

I have hurt so many people just by being around. Would they have all been better off if I was never even born?

I really wonder that as I look at this screen through tear filled eyes.

I can accept at times that many people have acted like their lives would have been better if I never existed. But,if I can loose my salvation...Is Jesus mad at me? If I do somehow still get to Heaven how mad is He going to be at me...

I mean teachers atleast a few times, friends atleast a few times,relatives [like my two uncles although I'm not supposed to say G. is my aunt so I'm not supposed to say she is related]...

I could accept knowing that there's people who would have been happier if I wasn't born. After all I have Jesus,He's all I need. But if salvation is conditional does that mean I don't have Jesus ether...

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Comment by feet breath on August 13, 2013 at 9:44am: Thank you Amanda. :-) I know again I'm saved and have Jesus.

I'm just going through a very difficult time...I want to tell more in another blog post.

Comment by feet breath on August 12, 2013 at 6:05pm: Thank you Todd. :)

Comment by Todd Robert Princl on August 12, 2013 at 1:19pm: God made you and He knew what He was doing!!!

Comment by Todd Robert Princl on August 12, 2013 at 11:54am: Seek, you hit the nail on the head!! Feet, lean on the people on this site. We know you have God in your heart!! You pray to Him with a tender, loving, humble heart. He will make the pain go away. Don't let the non-believers steer you against what you truly believe. The devil is out to pull all stops against you. Don't let him win. he is trying to take advantage of any vulnerable weakness that you may have. You rise above this!! You come to this site for a reason. Its because the God loving people that are here provide you comfort. Doesn't that tell you where your heart lies? God knows this.

Do you think for one second that God would act like the people here on earth. Well you get those thought out of your head. He loves you very much!!

Comment by feet breath on August 11, 2013 at 8:17pm: I sure hope you're right and all of the saved go.

Comment by feet breath on August 11, 2013 at 8:09pm: Thank you Janie.

Comment by ribbon on August 11, 2013 at 4:06pm: Feet.... I didn't think anybody who is saved could be left behind. I heard that Jesus will come back to get His bride . And the born again...are His bride. I think if anyone is left behind ... they weren't saved to begin with.

You have to be one of the most Jesus loving people I have even met.

I was everyones scapegoat I was the one who was told I caused this or that..... so I understand what you are saying. I understand

Comment by feet breath on August 11, 2013 at 3:51pm: I thought before that our salvation was secure. But I have also read those who are left behind...believers in the trib. can loose their salvation. :-(

Comment by Seek on August 11, 2013 at 2:46pm: People have done such a number on you. Do you REALLY believe that your not getting to the phone fast enough was YOUR issue or your uncle's? Maybe your uncle has issues and hurts that cause him to lash out at others, but that was HIS hangup and not yours.

And no, you CAN'T keep yourself saved. But then YOU can't save yourself. Only Christ can and you asked Him to. That's it, end of story. You're saved. Nothing you can do to keep yourself that way or not. But God will keep you as He's able to keep you and no one can snatch even one from Him. Thinking you can lose your salvation means you haven't completely come to a point of total trust in Him yet, and we all falter in that at times.

There is no one lower than I...

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