The Language of Love.

Owe no man anything but to love one anot

her. Romans 13.8

‘But of course I love you . . .’ the mother said to her teen-aged daughter.

‘I’m sure you do, Mom, I just don’t feel it,’ she flipped her hair over her shoulder, and walked out of the room.

‘Wow…how could she not feel my love for her?’ the mother asked herself, troubled. Why, I have loved her since I knew I was carrying her in my womb! And the day I gave birth to her…well, it was the happiest day of my life! How is it that she doesn’t feel that I love her?’

Enter the concept of love languages. It was quite a few years ago that I read the first of their books on the notion of love languages, authored by Dr. Ross Campbell and Gary Chapman. The premise is that every person has a special way of perceiving love. Or said another way, people do not all communicate love in the same way—either in the giving or the receiving. And so while the feeling and commitment of love may be soul deep, the perceived expression of it may only be skin deep.

Let’s go back to the mother and daughter above . . . oh, how the mother loved the girl; in fact, there was almost never any conflict, despite the daughter’s age! But the daughter was looking for more affection from her mother; she observed the way her best friend’s mom often embraced her, and never let her leave the house without a kiss ‘good bye’. ‘Wasn’t like that with her mom, even though the mom had thought she was very affectionate.

Meanwhile, the mother is ramping up the expression of her love for her daughter . . . even stopping to pick up a little gift that she put on the daughter’s bed, and is making her favorite dessert. ‘NOW she will feel special…NOW she’ll see how I love her!’ Wrong. The favored daughter liked those things, of course, but she was looking for affection from her mom—more hugs, more kisses, more tender touch.

At this point, most of us understand that real love must be unconditional… right? It can’t come with strings attached. Even so, the expression of love must be communicated in such a way that it may be understood. Campbell and Ross highlight five expressions of love:

1) acts of service, 2) gifts, 3) physical touch, 4) quality time, and 5) words of affirmation.

Hmmm . . . think of your loved one. Does you child feel your love when you remember to bring him a little gift from your business trip? Or, does your mate feel your love when you have her car washed, the dishes done, or the bed made? Or is your loved one just waiting for you to spend some uninterrupted time with her? Does your husband need you to comment aloud that you recognize how hard he has worked, just how well he has done, and how respected he is by you? and, most importantly, do you even know how the ones you love perceive your love for them? Perhaps some conversation is in order . . . perhaps you should ask.

One of the classic Christian gentlemen from our past, D. L. Moody, sensed that the Lord wanted him to grow in the matter of love. He wrote this more than a hundred years ago: ‘I took up that word Love, and I do not know how many weeks I spent in studying the passages in which it occurs till at last I could not help loving people. I had been feeding on love so long that I was anxious to do everybody good I came into contact with. I got full of it. It ran out of my fingers. You take up the subject of love in the Bible! You will get so full of it that all you have to do is open your lips and a flood of the Love of God [will flow] out.’

Lord Jesus, won’t you teach us how to love? Teach us the unique ways our loved ones will receive love from us . . . teach us to love those we ‘happen on’ along the way . . . Remind us when love is required, when we will have to dig down deep, and get past ourselves. Help us to see those who are hurting and need love from us—a warm smile, a kind remark, a tender touch, a loving embrace.

"Owe no man anything, except to love each other …" Paul’s contention is that if a man or woman honestly seeks to discharge this debt of love, they will automatically keep all the commandments.

Christine Todd DiGiacomo

PastorWoman.com