Support Group (NA)

Hello everyone. I finally found an NA group at a local Catholic parish and attended for the first time on Thursday of last week. It was enlightening. The majority of the people in the group were very young and all part of the same Job Corps that my son graduated from more than a month ago. This did not both me much, but I did long for people my own age to relate to. They all went around and shared their experiences, but it took so much time that the hour was up before we knew it and I had no opportunity to share myself. This was probably good, since it gave me a chance to listen and observe. However, I felt myself getting aggravated over it, and feeling downright selfish in wanting to share my own past. I was aware of this as it was happening, and admonished myself for it. I said a quick prayer, smiled, took part in the parting prayers of all, then left.

I wondered then and there if I would return to this group again next week. They were very friendly, especially when they found out that they knew my son, but so very different from me. They were all going through what I had experienced more than 20 years ago, but none of them could possibly understand the type of high-functioning addiction I am experiencing now. I know that my insights could be valuable to them (I imagine them progressing in their addiction to the state I am in now...), but I don't want to just unload on them when they haven't asked for such. Moment to moment I wonder if I will return. I remember them asking me as a group if I would attend the Tuesday meeting held in another town closer to where they attend Job Corps. I said 'no' and they actually seemed disappointed. This is all very confusing, but I am sure that God has hidden a purpose in here somewhere for me, I just have to find it. I have been keeping myself busy for the last week, building another deck on our house, putting a roof on my mom's deck, digging and planting, cleaning the yard, etc. I know I am doing it to keep my mind off my addiction, but it really seems I am trading one addiction for another (an addiction to action...). I know that eventually I will have to settle down, sit down, and face this addiction. The longer I put it off, the worse it will be on me.

I have asked God to give me the wisdom and strength, as in the Addict's Prayer, but I still feel weak. I will continue to pray, and look to God for what I need to get through this. I hope everyone who read this will do the same. God bless you all.