Shy bladder, anyone know what I mean?

Ok, I realize there's a problem. I suffer from bathroom phobias. I've had it for many years. I tried taking it, you could say "a bathroom at a time". I pray no one comes in until it's safe. The root of the problem is still there. And, I keep the fear hidden for the most part within my heart.

Talking about what's happened helps though. I remember in junior high there was a stall but as far as I know there wasn't a lock. A girl I knew opened the door on me...(I know I did that before accidently but it's still humilating)

In, I think it was 2nd grade, I had to hold the bathroom door for the others. Marissa wouldn't let me go (it was Valentine's Day). I was told by mom/dad never to hold it again. I don't know how long I had to hold it though. May God forgive Marissa...

In junior high I remember I was there in a stall. I heard girls. "What's your name, do you even have a name?" I heard giggling? Why couldn't they have just waited til I got out?

In junior high a girl asked who it was to another one. I came out of the stall. "Oh, it's little (my name)" in a teasing sort of way.

In gym class, junior high, (it helped in high school to have a friend, helped me not be as scared) I used to hide in a stall I was so afraid they'd see me undress for gym. 

I remember kids would ask to use the restroom at school. If they were denied I knew I would (unless, in certain classes, their bathroom pass was used up for that week).

In 11th grade I remember a girl asking if "Did I tell you you could go to the bathroom/wash your hands?" (forget which she said. She was skinny and taller than me. That got me scared going in that bathroom for awhile (it was hard enough at lunch especuially when not wanting to get caught by staff members sneaking in the wrong restroom). I seen girls get caught. This big woman came after them.It was very scary! I prayed I wouldn't get caught sneaking in-Jesus is faithful!

There were girls in the restroom, high school. I was asked if I wanted to go to the mall. One girl knew my mom wouldn't let me, she was smart enough for that! Amy asked. Now why would someone who made fun of me/a bully all of a sudden want me to the mall?

I tried to hide in a bathroom at the end of 11th grade (Jesus saved me maybe a week earlier). I don't think they were taking attendance for some big test anyway. I got away with it for a little while. Other girls came. I don't know if they were there when I heard "There's girls hiding out in the bathroom". Knowing...busted. You know when your heart feels like freezing in fear? Well, mine sure did. I was in the stal hiding, a woman came and warned whoever was in there-that she was coming back. I took off for the lunch room.

I was scared to ask for more than once a week to go for each class. I was afraid of getting denied. And, if I asked too much that might ruin my chances completly. If I got denied, that was worse than not asking-a los of hope. What was worse when I asked and someone was in there. It's happened...and they do make-up/talk. I had to, if they didn't leave soon, had to go back and hold my pain.

Some people were good at letting us go (the woman who taught art in junior high), some extreamly limited, other/s-forget it, ask in the next class!

In junior high I asked to go (he, the guy who taught band I liked asking him). He make a smartelic comment. I went back over to my friend. Later, he let me though. 

The thing is I used to not suffer from fear of the bathroom when I, from what I remember, in elementary.

Jesus got me through school, praise His name for that! I still know I've kept the pain that I still go through, mainly in my heart. Walmart is a nightmare...

I remember in junior high, like 7th grade, I would tell the counsloer if she seen me coming out "Oh, I forgot/have to go clean my glasses!" That got me another chance. With as much as I've held it...it's a wonder, a miracle, my kidnies/bladder still function properly.

I told a counsler in 12th grade during a code (I forget the color) (not allowed out unless someone, staff member, goes with you). I think we had a bomb, or some kind of threat. I had to say something for I was literly in tears (I was questioned). And, since I didn't want to tell my counsler (who was a guy) I had to tell her (I knew her though). She told me to just go. It isn't that easy. She atleast let me go during 3rd period. Good thing for that time, nursing class and lunch.

Something interesting happened in 12th grade though. I came in and guess what came out of the stall? A boy. I never understood that.

Being open helps. Especially, about a condition that's effected me atleast 6 in a half/ 7 years.