PRAYER, AGAIN?

When I was first starting out in prayer, I read a real good book by Andrew Murray called, With Christ in the School of Prayer. I believe that was the name of it. It said it takes 21 days to develops a habit. That's what I remember about that book. I was determined to develop a prayer life, a prayer habbit! If I can develop a habit of smoking cigarettes, or drinking, or some other hobby, then I knew I could do this. Of course I wasn't doing any of these things... at this time.

The excitement would come of meeting with the Lord! I knew He was going to give me another dream. In my dreams, I could feel the holy spirit as God was using me. That made my faith grow so much!

It's such a hard process to go thru, when God tells you to start praying for yourself. I had always prayed for others needs, before my own. Sometimes, I wouldn't even pray for myself cause I didn't want to be selfish in praying for myself. Have you ever thought that way? That you are being selfish when you pray for yourself? Well God spoke to me one morning in my prayers. I had already developed a habit of prayer every day, and it was about three years later, when God said, "I want you to pray for yourself, about yourself." He said to me that I needed my prayers more than any of the other people I was praying for. I was the one that needed the work done in my heart and mind, and if I wasn't well in my heart and mind, then how could I truly pray for others?

I know, this is a big trick, of the enemy, to keep our eyes off of our heart condition. He uses the 'thought' about being selfish if I pray for myself. When I started praying for myself, boy, I really saw who and what I was!! It was not good folks!! But God in His infinite mercy, loved me anyways. Hallelujah.

People can flow in the 'anointing' and the 'gifts' but still not let God into their 'personal space.' I had an aunt that was a totally, radical, latina preacher! She could kick many devils butts anytime of the night or day. She prayed too. But she had alot of 'issues.' Anger was one of those issues. But she still prayed and the Lord moved in her life! I saw with my own eyes. But I know she wasn't letting God work in her heart and mind, like He wanted and needed to. We can pray and talk to God and He'll talk back, but if it's just mere conversation, without substance, it's like talking to anyone else! Without substance. I don't ever want my words or prayers to be just mere words, vain repetitions, empty with no real meaning, and I have to admit, sometimes they are...

Praying for me was letting God in to my 'personal space.' I was letting Him into those secret places, where I wouldn't even dare to go myself!! Know what I mean? I let Him into those prisons where I could no longer come out of because I was too scared to come out. I didn't know how. So I started spending alot of time with Him, cause He was good to me. He even blessed me with 'spiritual gifts.' The difference in my prayer relationship now is, back then I was asking Him for the gifts, and He freely gave them. Today I ask Him for His character. I want to be just like Him. I want to say what I hear my Father say, and I want to do what I see my Father do.

I love you God...