Pray for me...

Oh, bother! Brothers and sisters, please pray for me!! Today is the second day in a row that I have frittered away my time, not fully devoting my attention to my studies and writing a paper that was due two days ago! Every time I sit down at the computer, my attention is drawn elsewhere. When I awaken in the morning and take the kids to school, I find that I am drawn into taking care of the day's errands. When that is done, I come home and wander the house, trying to work myself up to sitting down at my desk. I find meaningless tasks to fill these empty moments. Once I sit, I have to avoid actually getting online, as then nothing ever gets accomplished in such an interactive environment. If I want to get anything accomplished I have to go directly to my saved reading materials, pull up a word processing program, and get to work. This isn't how it happens, though. I keep avoiding the work, even though I know it is affecting my grades. For the whole three years I have been at this, I have managed to keep a 4.0 GPA. A few months ago I got my first B in a class, dropping it to a 3.95. I was devastated, but it broke this mistaken perception I was operating under, which is that I must always be perfect in everything. Only God is perfect. I have prayed and prayed about this. For the last three years, I have been steadfast in my devotion to my school work. I have taken time off here and there (no more than two or three weeks at a time), but taking so much time off ends up lengthening the amount of time it takes me to finish this degree. I realize the need to take these breaks, as I am always in jeopardy of burnout, but during the time off I feel like I am wasting valuable time.

My best friend tells me all the time how amazed he is that I am still chipping away at this degree. Since it is an online and at-home endeavor, this makes it doubly difficult. No one is here to crack the whip on me; my work is done on my own pace and schedule; and my only obligation is to meet the deadlines and turn in writing that is expected from a college student. I have always met those deadlines on time. I will admit that most of the time, it is right down to the wire. I have always done my best writing under extreme pressure, as I learned this about myself during my journalist days in Texas. This approach works for me as an individual, but since beginning my BA over six months ago, I am now expected to work in teams. There is a team project due two out of five weeks and individual project due the other three. I do fine working on team projects, but my individual papers have started to suffer in the last month or so. I am hoping this is only a focus problem and that it will eventually pass. I take my school work very seriously and am deeply concerned about this issue.

Regardless, please say a prayer for me. Lift me up. I so desperately need God's intervention in this area of my life. I want to be a Patient Advocate to help people, as I feel that it is what God wants me to do. After all, he sent Jesus to make it possible for me to be here, and to help us see the way to Him. God bless you and keep you all, my brothers and sisters, for saying a prayer for me!! God is truly awesome!!