Persecution, intimidation, a cult

Ok, I realized-Jesus thank you for letting me know-why I'm so intimidated by the cult.

1) There's atleast three people involved (excluding me).

2) One is a man (he's an elder), he's not short but not really really tall. I'm only like a tad bit over 100 pounds and 4 foot 10 and an 8th/ 4 foot 11 (the person who taught me nursing said this is as tall as I'll get). Men are intimidating. It's also intimidating that if it's found out I'm in "Christiendom" I may have to go before the elders (a bunch of men-now that's really scary). Combine having a communication disorder (I like to call it autism although I never got diagnosed) and Satan has a field day.

If it was just my mom and the elder's wife (with possibly if she wants to bring a friend) than the fear seems to leave at the thought and it's a big relief.

So, my problem lies not really as much with the women but dealing with the men.

I know I'll have to suffer for Jesus' sake. He's helped me learn about persecution through various sources; ex. VOM and Gospel for Asia. Well, I don't want to deny Him and I want to do what is right. I know the Holy Spirit is trying to get me to "come out of my shell", He's trying to prepare me. I know He's kept telling me 2 Corinithans 12:9, I've just refused to listen (thank God though He is pacient). I know He wants me to listen to Hebrews 13:5-6 and Proverbs 3:5-6.

Another scary thing is if they find out I'm putting up stuff up on the internet (the religion forbids internet) about their religion. That is why I'm truely scared for them to catch me on a forum. Praise God, it's not as much as talking to other brothyers/sisters in Christ and getting caught-that's not what scares me as much. It's getting caught talking about their religion as a cult-I'm scared of getting caught.

I know Jesus wants me to follow 2 Corn 12:9. Praise God!