Open letter to God

Hey God,

I was on the subway this morning thinking about writing this letter to you. I hope you don't think its stupid or asking for too much. Often I've been told by my fellow Christian co worker to ask you questions when it comes to something I want, don't understand or need direction in. In this case I guess it's all three so here goes...

It's been almost five years since my last meaningful relationship. You and I both know I've never been too lucky in the romance department but this man meant the world to me. Unfortunately it ended and life went on without him. He has managed to find love again and is now engaged to someone new which I am very happy for considering I was the one who broke it off with him. However I start to question my future. I'm still alone and no promising prospects are around whatsoever. I'm three years shy of turning 40 and I've never been married or had any children. Are You trying to tell me something?

For as long as I can remember I've always had this gnawing feeling that I somehow would end up alone but overall I was pretty confident that I'd have a husband and kids by now. Well, time has proven me wrong and has also made me somewhat used to the idea of a single life. But at times I do yearn for at least a husband. Not sure if You see that for me or if you think it's meant for me.  If not then I ask that You grant me the strength to be a one woman force.

Its stupid I know but I often day dream about meeting a man who moves in next door to me, has a job, is nice looking, carries himself well and starts to notice me. I find myself becoming interested in him but I keep my distance fearing rejection(story of my life!) but he keeps making his interest obvious. Eventually we talk, get to know one another and I find out that he reads the Bible daily ,and is very spiritual. We go out and find that we have a lot of common interests and that our attraction is mutual. In the end he confesses his feelings to me and I to him and we embark on a beautiful and spiritual relationship that eventually leads to marriage. 'Because I can't imagine one day of my life without you' he would say to me. Somehow I doubt this could happen to me but who knows, right?

I watch many couples out and about and I can't help but to wonder why I've always been so unlucky?  Is it something about me?  I know I'm not gorgeous but I'm okay.  I know I can be as guarded as a penitentiary but given the chance I open up very nicely. Again, if Your path for me is to be alone I IMPLORE you to grant me the fortitude to carry on life as a single woman. Take away that feeling of wanting to fall in love. One day my beloved parents will be gone, my brother will leave this world as well and my baby sister cannot care for me as she is severely autistic.  The day I leave this world and if it has to be alone PLEASE be on the other side waiting for me along with my family. If I have to leave this world on my own at least grant me the wish of arriving to the after life among loved ones.

Your child in transition,

Diana