Obsession with death

I'm tired of the ways of this world and forgiveness never was a strength of mines never will be. Mental has always been a challenge people do say I don't care,I don't know and I don't remember too much. It makes my head boil inside literally,makes me want to snap and wish I was dead with Jesus and God in heaven no more negative saying s and Jesus and God cares,knows,and remembers everything. I can't stand those 3 negative sayings and negative sayings period. Oh well,whatever,cry me a river,grow up,get over it,stop whining,stop crying,suck it up,not my problem,not interested,didn't ask,that's your opinion,what do you want me to do,I don't know what to tell you,so? and etc it makes me sick. Sarcasm I hate too along with duh and that BS ! This world allows these remarks but kick these people's ass and or go at them get in trouble and or reported and arrested. Screw this crappy world bring on afterlife in a world that loves our money not us I see right through many people's BS ! God gave people brains stop being lazy and pathetic use them. Discourage remarks suck ,should be more encourage. Not suicidal but I welcome homicide being shot all over my body would be less painful then all mental abuse I've faced in my 43 yrs since age of 8 SICK OF IT! If I got shot,stabbed or accident I want it to be fatal ! To get to heaven and relieved of a life ruined due to insensitivity of people and Satan.