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My Testimony

STORY OF SURVIVAL –MY TESTIMONY

For those of you who may not have seen me in the past six or seven years, probably have a vivid picture of me as weighing about 98 pounds, sunken in face, very sick looking. You may have crossed my path since then and not recognized me. I now weigh almost double that! My face is full and plump. Yes, my physical appearance has changed quite a bit, but the thing that has changed the most is my inner self. You can say that I have been restored. Looking back, I see flashes of a life full of pain and sorrow. I think back to the incidences that took me down that dark and lonely road of destruction. There are many things that got me there. My story goes like this:I remember my first encounter with alcohol. I was 16 years old. Somehow or another, I got my first taste of alcohol…a beer. Why I decided to drink at that point is beyond me. I also remember my first encounter with marijuana. I was about 18 then. I can remember almost having an outer body experience. I never knew I could feel so “free”. I continued this lifestyle for many years. I became an alcoholic, but cease to smoke marijuana regularly. It just wasn’t my cup of tea. But, I drank almost every day. I remember my Mom telling me, “: You can quit if you want to”. At that time, I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. Then later on, I would have my first encounter with pills. Black Beauties were my drug of choice at that time. I almost overdosed one Christmas Eve. After that, I quit doing them. Then, there was the biggest factor that lead to my total destruction….crack cocaine. I remember when I smoked my first joint. The person who gave me the joint fail to tell me it was laced with cocaine. After I smoked it, I remember feeling so pleasant. I felt jubilant. Wow, this was great!! Later on, I would start freebasing it. For the next 14 years, crack became my best friend. During that time, I begged, stole, tricked and traded to get my high. I did whatever it took to keep myself supplied. It was during that time that I lost all self respect. My life was pure hell. There was no satisfying the urges I had for crack. It controlled me. It beckoned me. It destroyed me. It almost killed me. During my life of alcoholism and drug abuse, I was physically beaten, raped, demoralized, and shamed. I know now, that it was by God’s grace that I am still here to tell this story. There are so many instances in my life in which I knew I should be dead. Such as a time when I got drunk and played Russian roulette. I had a gun that belonged to my boyfriend at that time. I was pointing it at a dresser and then at my head and clicking it. I didn’t think there were any bullets in the gun until I shot a hole in the dresser. There are other times like when I got in a car with a bunch of guys. They took me out to some lake and raped me…all but one. He later told me that what they had planned was to rape me, slit my throat and throw me in the river, but he had talked them out of it. There are other instances also. I could go on and on, but I think I painted a good enough picture for you to understand just how bad things were. It was fourteen years of forgotten dreams. I was an A student in school. I was an Honor student. I had lots of hope for the future. I was robbed of all my ambitions.I remember my sister taking me in to dry out on many occasions. Each time, I pledged not to do anymore drugs. Each time, I would go back to doing them as soon as I left her house. Seven years ago, after a period of drugging and drinking, I became really tired. I was tired of being high. I was tired of being hung over everyday. I was tired of selling my body. I was tired of living the way I was living. I was just plain tired. So, I asked my sister if I could come to her house to dry out. This time she said no. I begged her and begged her. She kept saying no. I don’t know what made her change her mind, but eventually she said yes. That night, I got on my knees and asked God to forgive me and to help me. I said,” Lord if you make the first step for me, I will continue to make the rest”. At that moment, my life changed. I did a complete turn around. My happiness, joy and peace were restored. I had a new life. I never knew I could feel so good.I enrolled in a program called HOPES. It was there I was able to obtain my GED. I was so proud. My mother was there to see me graduate from adult school. From that point on, there was no stopping me. I craved education. I enrolled in college at Hillsborough Community College. I must admit, it was intimidating at first. I ended up graduating from there with High Honors!! Imagine me, after being out of school for 20m years. I received Associates in Arts degree in Business Management. That was not enough for me. I then enrolled in the University of South Florida. I graduated with a Bachelor in Management and Marketing on May 5, 2008. All praises go to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I could not even phantom doing this without him. There is no way. All the time I was out there in the street, he had his hand on me. He never let me go. He had a plan for my life. He has a plan for my life. I am not sure where this road leads to, but I know the future looks bright.I have been feeling a calling, if you may, to tell others about my endeavors. I feel that God took me through all this so I would have first hand knowledge of what it’s like to be on drugs and to be an alcoholic. I now can help others who may be going down the same road. Even though there are rehabilitation centers for addicts, sometimes it is more beneficial to seek help from someone who has been there and can relate to what you are going through. Not taking anything away from these centers. It wasn’t until I gave my life over to Christ that I was able to loose the chains that had me bound for fourteen years. I am telling my story in hopes of reaching someone who may be going through what I have survived. There is hope in all the despair, there is a light in the darkness, there is salvation to all those who are lost.

My Testimony

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