My testamony

Ok, here is my testamony. Beware though-it is long! :)

 

It was either late 1991 or early 1992 when mom was told there were other methods. Since, she was sick she could use "other methods" for her pregnency. I obviously wasn't able to be brought to term yet so the doctors were telling her she could terminate her unborn child (which was me). She (please pray for her salvation though) refused, thank God. We're both alive despite that critical moment in time. She had to have me, c-section, early. I was like a day or two after my 25th week (I was supposed to be born June 1st or 2nd but came way earlier). She had a micro-preemie, weighing in a little over 2 pounds (it was ether 3 or 5 ounces). The doctors were afraid my lungs wouldn't fully develop but guess what? Jesus was faithful on that as well!  I couldn't have been anymore than three months old (that's how long I was in the hospital, I was in two of them). I remember the white crib in a blue room. I seen this bright and beautiful lady hovering above me. She was shining in a white gown and the bloundest/goldenist of hair! She was like a living rainbow but with pure light coming from her.

 

           I remember dad told me when i was a little baby I picked up a coin off of the floor, I started choking it on it. I'm not sure who got it out of me. When I was like two I had to go to the hospital for being really sick (please don't ask). I remember there was bars on the bed and the walls were pink. When I was like two or three we had to move out of my old house and to my uncles (later we moved to the house I live in now).

 

         On April 5th, 1995 I had to start my first day of school. I cried my eyes out and my nose was really red. Mom made sure to visit me though. In that same class (don't know if 1st or 2nd year of the class for I had to repeat this class the next year) I got in a corner for not saying my alphabet correctly (they were nice people who need prayer for I don't know if they know Jesus, I just don't understand why this happened to me). I was sitting at a brekfast/lunch table. Chakora (please pray she comes back to Him) wanted to say a prayer. She mentioned the Father. I got furious saying; "God is not my father!" I misunderstood her. In my little brain I thought she was leaving out my earthly dad. (kape/pre not sure).

 

       I went to the next level of school before Kindergarden. I remember knocking blocks on Ms. ___ 's ankle. She was unhappy with me. I crawled to get the little car I was playing with on a ramp and I knocked Ashley's blocks on Ms. ___ ankle as she was by the cabnit (might have been for snacktime). I got told it hurt. I remember a boy (please pray he finds Jesus) punched me in the nose on the playground. It poured blood after my mom took me to the dentist. It was hard for me to find something nice about Ms.__ (the one I hurt) but now I know. She helped me down the huge slide I was scared to go down. In this grade I also remember getting sick, literly in gym. This would kind of be a trend for me.

 

        In Kindergarden I went on a field trip to a park. Nicole threatened to push me over the banner unless I trader her my animal card (we were each given one) with her. It was ether Kape/kindergarden but I think remember Ms. ___helping me get glasses. Not sure of exact year (it may have been Kind. but I don't think it was) I went to a friend's house. They had a box with a bunch of toys. I took one but I don't remember ever asking.

 

Ok, now some of these events I don't know if they happened in Kind. 1st or whatever but I remember they happened early.

 

I thought I heard a demonic voice coming from the laundrey room. It had a purplish/whiteish light. I think it wanted me to go near it. The memory is too real to seem like a dream. I also remember when I was little I heard "I hate God" in my head all of the time. I thought it was me, but now I realize it was Satan. My athiest uncle played violent video games like Resident Evil in front of me (please pray Jesus saves him) when I was little. I was basicly a loner (with some specific friends) my baby hic-uping Dil, icecream Chuckie and some other dolls were my "main" friends". I had more dolls as friends than people. I was the "black sheep" in school. I also had digestive issues really bad. Why's that importent? Well, it's a miracle I'm even still alive for as bad as I had it. I thought it was normal for digestian so I never, as far as I remember, told my parents how bad it was. Add, to that it only started getting really better some years back. It proves Jesus was helping me....

 

       I also have an odd memory of falling down the stairs backwards. Mom don't remember but I'm not sure why I have that memory. I remember looking out the window thinking "I'm waiting on dad like I'm waiting on Jesus". (may have been before Kind.) I got a Jehovah's Witness book singing to God (although this may have been before Kind.) on my little piano.

 

I had a feeling of detest. Dad said the prayer Catholics pray at meals, that JW book I evetually didn't like (I don't know why since it's not even Christian), Christian cartoon videos and I remember thinking something bad about Jesus that I didn't like Him (although that may have just been the demon/s again). I believed in the wrong Jesus anyway. My chinese friend handed me an invintation to church i tossed it down, I wasn't the most polite child (I was selfish as well).

 

I remember being in a pool and someone pushed their hand down on me. The feeling of being put under water is one of the wost feelings in the world. I hated the neigbor (she came when I was like in 1st grade). May God not hold it against her, she's killed our cats. I threw rocks at her property later stopped because I thought worse would happen to me (like a bolder falling on me). I remember playing with Hunch back of Noterdame toys by the bathroom mirror. Guess what happened? it fell and shattered. I didn't get one scratch. Not sure of grade, a girl (pray she receives Jesus) took me up into some kind of attaic. She wanted me to go out on the roof. I refused. My parents think she would have pushed me off (she was much bigger than me and her hugs could take the breath out of you).

 

         In school I had to go to speech class for I had trouble talking (I seen a home video when I was like at the age of 9 and my speech was horrible). I was in that class for a long time. I put someone's back-pack in dog-poo, hockered in her hair and got out her secret notes from by her bed. Also, I liked a  Chuckie Child's Play doll. I had a feeling of hate for my dog (who died the 1st day of 8th grade)and dad (I asked years later and the feeling went away praise God!).

 

I'm not sure what grade but the woman, God forgive her, who taught me music. Got upset because I couldn't sing well, she told me that one time in class and other kids heard it. Well, I can't sing well when I can't figure what tune I'm on when I have to hear other people sing too. And, when I have to keep up with their pace-not my style! Not when I was little nor now. Now, I have songs I can sing too-especially country/bluegrass Christian music. It basicly has to be something for God to get me to be willing to sing (by myself or possibly one more person with me).

 

That same girl who I did that with the backpack (may have been before Kind.) threatened her twin sisters and me with a big knife. I said I'd get Chuckie Child's play after her while hiding behind a door (she was terified of that doll).

 

         I was bullied really bad in 3rd grade. And, mom and I was in a bus accident (if we went over the hill we would have died). Only mom, the bus driver and me were on the bus. It was really icey out. Not sure if it was 3rd grade but I hit a boy with my wind breaker while going across the street for bullying me. In 4th grade I got sick right in class. Mr.___ joked about it (please pray Jesus saves him). I made it to the garbadge can though. My mom's friend wanted me to trade schools in 4th. Good thing I didn't though. My orange cat Ms. Nibby was posioned and died three days after my birthday on March 12th (he died on this day, my birthday was three days before). Ms. Nibby was a boy but I didn't know that when I got him. I remember getting Pikachu from mom in 4th grade at the end of May, Togepi at the beginning of June.  Why's that importent? Pokemon, dispite being sinful with its psychics and evil, God used it for good. It'll play a very importent role in 8th grade.

 

In 5th grade I smiled when I was at my uncle's funeral. I guess that's a trait of not being able control emotions. I almost got hit my a car (different day). I stopped to look at my Pokemon cards. I walked and a white car came within inches of hitting me (I think Jesus used those cards to distract me for those few vital seconds).

 

            I started Junior High. Not sure what grade but guess what happened in town? I almost got hit by a vehicle. mom pulled me away just in time. Also, sometime, probably 7th, I got sick in gym (I made it to the bathroom)again (told you it's a trend) In school, art class they played newer music, it was ok for awhile. But, later in 8th grade it would hurt me. Junior High was bad for bullying.

 I cared more about my Pokemon game when grandma was in a nursing home. She died when I was in 6th grade. During Westtest (a test they used to have at school) in May I got a shiny Spoink (which would be a friend to me) on my Pokemon game when I was at (home not at schooli). During the West test I remember a girl (please pray she needs Jesus not sure if saved) asked me on a piece a paper something about a skirt and if I remember correctly if I shaved my legs. She took it off me not letting me show my parents. During 7th grade Westtest Ms.___ grabbed my arm for not listening to instructions (please pray Jesus saves her). Another boy got in trouble too.

It may have been 7th, not sure. I remember being in the restroom stall. I heard someone ask me "What's your name, do you even have a name?" -giggling could be heard. At the end of the year for 7th I remember coming out. A girl wanted to know who it was. "Oh, it's little___". More embrassement.

 

                 I had to take band in 8th period 7th grade. Mr.__  (please pray he gets saved by Jesus) ended up playing the music. I joined SOVA (you'll hear about this later) online at the end of the year. I remember backing up in a corner. He asked me "What? Don't you like my music?" He grinned.

 

 

I was afraid to ask to go to the bathroom at times, this lasted up until I finished school (the bathroom incident on graduation day-Jesus got me through it though). I tried to hold out asking each person who taught me to once a week. But, that didn't always work. If I was in the bathroom and someone came in I couldn't go despite being in the stall already (I hated when someone was waiting in front of my stall!) I went back holding it. It was really bad when I have to go and girls are doing make-up, talking or standing there idle. Leave the bathroom, so I can go...Someone leaves but another comes in. -_- I didn't want to wait too long or Mr./Mrs. may never let me go again. And, it was worse to get told "No" in going to the bathroom than holding it-than I lost hope. It's a miracle my kiddnies even function properly. With as much as I've held it...I still have the problem despite not being in school (Walmart is the worst).

 

 I'm still afraid to be in a restroom with people for the most part. I remember in gym people chased me (I think someone may have been with me) with balls in gym. I think that put a scar on my life for years to come (not sure about now haven't been around people throwing balls for awhile). I think it was 7th I stopped needing glassed for awhile.

 

At home I remember (it was something in junior high, the grade I don't know), I seen a shadow on the wall. Mom was laying down and dad was in the living room. I think during one of the summers my doll fell on the bed. That is physically impossible considering she was on a piano stand atleast several inches away. If she would have fell she would have fell between the stand and bed. My uncle thinks it was an angel. I think it may have been demonic. I don't know but something happened that wasn't human.

 

This is the big one. 8th grade was the worst. In my 1st homeroom, a girl I knew since we were both little tried to take my picture-big mistake. A boy taunted me saying "I don't want my picture taken because it will steal my soul!" I hid behind the school book on indians. I heard someone ask "Is she still hiding behind that book?" In math class ( a different day) a girl teased me saying my name. I sighed heavily-she laughed so hard she almost fell out of her seat! I thought the kid behind me was making duck noises. And, the girl in front was mean. I thought I was trapped. A girl, a boy and me had to be called out of class-another episode of the class embarrasment! The girl who teased me, Mrs.__ wanted her to be my partner in a math game-that didn't work too well. Same guy as in band, this time music class-bad music was played on the radio; I could tell something was wrong. Also, the music was on bus.

 

 

            It was a cold day in Nov. of 06. I was in my 2nd homeroom (had to because my friend who was  needed someone she knew in her homeroom). Please pray she gets saved by Jesus. It was the group I was in turn for computers. I didn't like the blasphamous cartoon of Jesus (despite not yet being saved by Him) on the computer screen saver. I changed it. A boy came over and said "You're so dead, I'm going to stab you with this pencil, just wait until I get you out  on the street alone!" Please pray Jesus saves him. I went into a very deep depression after that. To top that when certain songs came on it turned my sucidal thoughts even worse! It wasn't only feelings of wanting to die, but feelings of intrapment and dread. I wanted to hear it so I could get more depressed. I was very messed up in thinking. Thinking that wouldn't be appropriate to even put on this forum! It got so bad one time in class Ms.___ called out on me and I was startled because I was so concentrated on the death thinking.

 

           Around the same time I was on SOVA, an online group to try and get the old Pokemon voice actors back. I talked to people about my problem of bullying. I talked to especially this one girl. Anyway, I wanted SOVA to win more than anything. So, I looked up ways. I found a couple-spells and prayer. Yes, sadly, I tried a cheap spell. She, a girl on SOVA, talked to me about God. I didn't care much about religion but I went along with it. I didn't believe Jesus was God so I said "God and Jesus". I thought it was a horrible belief. I still talked to my false Jesus though. I found a prayer online of salvation.

 I had to go to a psychologist because of the bullying. I remember clutching a Pokemon, Celebi, in my pocket. Some woman (I don't think was a psychologist-this was before hand) asked if I just didn't want to be at school or at home. I lied and said at school. When in reality, I didn't want to be any where on earth-I wanted to be dead. I knownly lied. The thing is I was too scared of killing myself. I didn't want to be punished and go to hell (I didn't really even think about going to hell because I didn't have Jesus-that kind of thinking was before Jesus really even came to my mind, I just thought I would go for killing myself). So, I figured I'd call on the evil lady in the mirror, Bloody Mary. I figured if she killed me than I wouldn't be accountable (I didn't realize without Jesus I truly wouldn't get to heaven). I was mixed up. I trusted Jesus but I don't think my brain could comprehend salvation yet, heaven and hell. One time I remember though looking at a pill bottle on the table. Thoughts of swallowing those pills entered into my brain. A problem I had was I didn't want to tell anyone I knew face to face. I kept how I felt locked up in my heart for the most part (I may have mentioned something I tiny bit). Good thing though, I went to a counsler and the bullying decreased dramatically.

 

I thought all I do is say it, the prayer, to get saved-nope I was wrong! I didn't know about His resurection or what He truely did for me (although I knew He died).

I had a friend on Skype (please pray as he was an athiest) he wanted a piece of personal info. I didn't want to and he said something about not being friends. If only I did't disobey mom, she didn't want me in a chat room... Yet, still in 8th I was proud. I was a virgin (which I proudly blurted out when the topic came up in 8th period english class). I thought I was the best, better than other girls. On the playgroud I got sexually harassed (different day). I wouldn't have said something but my friend (pray Jesus saves her and her brother) did. There was a rumor my parents was going to sew (as in lawyer) the boy. On an 8th grade field trip, end of the year I fell on a bridge. It felt like I was tripped by someone. If I went the other way I would have fell off of the bridge-probably dieing! Instead I just got a very hurt wrist.

 

A drug dealer pulled up (I was now in high school) at the bus stop. I thought he wanted the rocks on the ground. Another boy quicky, with every right I understand now, got me to stop. He asked for another kind of rocks. The woman in the vehicle asked another girl for something. 9th grade I think. What were we suppose to do? It was like around 6:30 in the morning and we were just young kids getting ready to get on the school bus. Pray for these people.

 

 

I tried to share my "being bullying" testimony with a girl in 4th period homec/S.T.E.P.S (a class to learn about sewing,cooking, stuff like that), I was nervous telling her too! I didn't realize I wasn't saved yet. In another instince, a girl, who I knew since I was little (please pray Jesus saves her) asked me something in that same class. She wanted to know something about if she's going to hell if she doesn't... (I forget what she said). I made a very stupid move. I waved goodbye! They got a nice chuckle/laugh out of that (other people was with her).

 

 

Another girl said there's just some people she doesn't like (different day). She didn't like Rachael (please pray God forgives her for her sexual choice) nor me. That same girl even one day got upset at me for looking at her popcorn popping in the cooking class micorwave.

 

           At home I was online a prophecy forum . A brother in Christ showed me that Christ is God from the bible. God used this to help show me the truth-slowly but surly! I would question His diety for awhile but God fixed that!

 

I got sick yet again but in 9th grade (nurse came). In gym I had a wiccan (I think she was into whitch craft) friend. She and some others tried to help me swim. She was concerned because I didn't (still don't) know how to swim and I could have drown in the deep water. I tried to swim but I just sank. I was testing God. When I sank-nothing to hang onto at times-that was so scary...

 

         In this grade, please pray for both were (are?) athiests. They both, at different time sexually harassed me. One in gym the other in science class.

 

The Jehovahs Witnesses came around during the Summer. I liked the idea of a bible study. Mom discussed with them about the trinity-both saying it was confusing. I had a feeling of regret. I discussed the bible with them (the elder and his wife) mom eeventually joined. It got me to seriously take a look at what I believed.

 

When I was in 10th grade-police got called on me. As I cowered on my uncle's porch I could hear the cuss words . I don't want to go any further. This hurts too much to even talk about. I was falsly accused of wrong doing let's just say that. it wasn't from someone at school that blamed me.

 

I ended up realizing I wasn't saved. I searched for God like He said to do in the bible.

 

 I had a stuttering problem as well, 11th a little in 12th.

 

11th-glasses. I don't know why I thought I would be one of the only ones "good enough" for heaven. Condemned and judged other Christians. I should have read the parable about judging. I thought I was better than other girls. Still a virgin, didn't wear make-up didn't ever have a boyfriend (unless my friend in elementary was, and I didn't even want to believe that for reasons of pride).

 

A girl pushed me as I was at the water fountain (I think this was after the bathroom incident). She later would meet me in the bathroom some other day (it happened once atleast). "Did I tell you you could go to the bathroom/wash your hands (forget which she said)?" I was teriffied to go in there for awhile (I was scared of the other bathroom as well.)

 

I ate some salad as a side food at school. I found out something was wrong with the lettuce later that day. I cried out to God. "Please don't let me die!" atleast a few times. I realized I needed salvation soon.

 

I don't know if it was that day but I heard the song on my Christian bluegrass music CD "Only Trust Him". I went into an empty room. I heard someone tell me to wait to get saved. I heard Someone else, who had to have been ether Jesus or the Holy Spirit (it may have been the Father, I don't know) tell me not to harden my heart to the Holy Ghost. If I did I'd ether harden my heart to the point of ether never recieving salvation or it'd be very difficult. Jesus saved my soul from hell after that. May 29th,Sat., 2010

 

That is my testamony. But, I've grown in Christ since than.

 

For ex. after, maybe not even a week after Jesus saved me, I was asked if my best friend's name was Sarah. I said "No, Jesus!" I think they may have got a little chuckle. I also tried to hide in a bathroom during testing (I didn't have a test and I don't think they took attedence for testing). Some other girls joined me. I heard a voice in the hall (don't remember if they left yet or not) saying there's girls hiding in the bathroom. You know when there's times that your heart feels like freezing in fear? Well, that's what it felt like for me. I got away with it before but I wasn't going to as easy that time. For I don't remember them staying but I went into a stall. A woman came in saying shes coming back-she knew someone was in the bathroom. I huried out of that bathroom and into the lunch room. That was scary as a new Christian but thank God I wasn't alone!

 

A few months later Jesus let me find an organization, Voice of the Martyrs, online. He's used that for fellowship and to teach me about persecution, preparing for it as well. The Lord has shown me various persecutions, overseas and when I was at school (a boy at school threatened to crucify a Christian and catch him/her on fire.) Not sure if it's the same boy but I remember someone going down the hall at school a few times (he'd say it near me and in distance) "There is no God!" and one time made a comment saying abortion is a womans choice, that's just how it is. I actually, honestly, I was happy to receive persecution. So, I don't know if it was wrong though. I wanted to see him more often to hear him say that so I could receive persecution (I was headed for 5th period english). I seen the boy a few times (one in hall and the other the other in the computer place). You know how sometimes the presence of a demon is known? Well, the demon/s for that boy were obvious. Infact, I'm not sure but I think in the hall he even stated a comment about me because I belong to Jesus-praise God!

 

I remember at lunch I'd sit waiting by the area closest to the safest bathroom. When the staff members turned their heads at times, atleast I'd try my best to head off to the bathroom without getting caught. I'd pray that Jesus would protect me and not let me get caught. I seen what would happen if someone got caught. Some girls turned the corner-they were spotted. I remember this big woman coming and turning the corner. They got caught, how scary...

 

I was in nursing (Jesus, thank you for nursing-it had a little single bathroom!) also. That's when I started to find out about autism (I wrongly sterotyped them before that's why I didn't think I had it). I noticed I had some symptoms-researched more- and I have more than I thought.

 

Jesus got me through 12th grade (which amazingly was one of the best years for not as much bullying). I asked before the graduation started if I could go to the bathroom-it was too late. Well, Jesus got me through that and I didn't come out embaressed-if you know what I mean. Jesus, thank you the graduation wasn't 6 hours. I got to eventually go afterwards.

 

"sighs" This May 21 (not sure but it was 20 something) of last year I will have graduated high school. It's amazing how time goes by.

 

The Holy Spirit is working on me. He's been so pacient with me. Satan has tried to get me so many times but by the power of God's Holy Spirit I'm gotton victory because of Jesus Christ and what He did for you, me and the rest of the world.

 

By my small frame and size (4 foot 11, a tad bit over 100 pounds) people would think I'm weak. But, Jesus has proven faithful. He's proven He cares even about sinners (which I was a major sinner). If He can use someone like me than He can use anyone.

 

He is faithful! If He can get me through people sugesting to abort me, being a micro-premie,near death experiences, selfishness, possible autism, depression, wanting to die and demonic spirits-than He can help anyone!