My Mother

It has been awhile since I posted anything. Last Thursday my mother passed away. She went to be with the Lord while she slept. The funeral was Saturday. I have waves of emotion that run over me like I have never felt before. When my cousin died in 2002 I didn't feel this way. When my dad died of cancer in 2006 I didn't feel this way. I knew losing my mom would be hard but I never realized it would be this hard.

Last Friday I was listening to some Chris Tomlin songs. I felt I was sitting in the lap of Jesus. He told me that I had to take a journey. The next few days were going to be hard. The viewing of my mother's body by friends and relatives. The funeral. I could take that journey one of two ways. I could go willingly and accept the pain, the darkness, the sorrow, the grief and everything that goes with it. Or I could go kicking and screaming, denying what had happened. Either way I was going to have to take that journey Friday and Saturday. And even though I would be surrounded by family and friends I would have to take that journey alone. Alone. But yet, not alone

I told Jesus I would go willingly but only if He would be with me. He told me He would never leave me. He was right. It was hard. It was heart wrenching. I have never in my life felt so much pain and sorrow and grief. I knew my mom was with the Lord. But it was so hard. I saw her body in the casket and I knew she wasn't there. That was an empty shell. She was with the Lord. But it was still hard to let her go.

Jesus never left me. I have never felt the presence of Jesus so strong in my life as during the past two days. And even now He is with me.

I don't know if any of this makes sense. Probably not. Tonight is Sunday. The sun came out today. It rained Friday and Saturday. I went to church and was surrounded by friends.

There will be days when I will have to walk alone even when surrounded by people. I will drift off and think of my mom. But I will also know that Jesus will be with me through the pain and the grief and the sorrow.