My Death Saved My Life ... some day i hope to publish this. I am still working on it, but would love to hear some feedback.

                              My Death Changed My Life

     My story starts in 1980 on a hot August day. It was August 26th, my oldest brothers birthday, a day that is etched in all of our memories. It was the day of my accident, the day I died. Here let me set the stage or rather paint the picture if you will...

     It was around 1 pm in the afternoon, my mom was cutting off corn to put in the freezer, while sitting at the kitchen table. All of us kids had gone up to the neighbors house to go swimming. They had a beautiful pool all above ground and everything. It was 3ft deep in the shallow end and 12ft deep in the deep end.  It was in the high 80's, hot and muggy, not much wind at all, so a good day for a swim.

     I was an excellent swimmer and I took pride in beeing able to stay under water for almost 2 minutes at a time. I practiced that a lot so it didnt dawn on my niece, nephew, and the neighbors kids when I was down at the bottom of the pool, that there might be a problem. All of us kids could swim really well and the adults were just inside the house should there be any trouble.

     I had to use the bathroom so I went inside for a bit. The door to the pool was connected to the garage, so all you had to do when you went out was to go down 3 steps and out the door to the pool. I loved to dive into the pool so I pushed the door took 3 running steps and dove in. That is when everything went horribly wrong.

     I recall it like it was yesterday. The sound or the absence of sound really, like a ringing in the ears that wont stop. It is hard to put that sound into words, tho it is one i shall never forget. I tried to push up like always but for some reason my body just wouldn't obey me. I recall pushing out with my legs, but all that did was manage to push me into the deep end of the pool.

I sank, down, down, down until I could feel my chest on the bottom of the pool. I thought to myself... well this isn't good, not good at all. I told myself not to panic (yea right). Don't breathe I screamed at myself, to breathe meant to drown. I held my breath I thought, though I never really hurt for air, and that just didn't make sence to my 12 year old mind.

     All of the sudden the picture changed. I was no longer in the pool, I was outside of the pool looking down at myself. I think I laughed at that point, like what the heck! Yep, I am loosing my mind, I thought.

     In the mean time all the kids were still swimming around like normal. Remember it was nothing for me to be at the bottom of the pool swimming, so it took quite a while before they actually noticed me.

     This next part of the story is from what they said happend next. I am not sure what finally alerted them that something was wrong, but my nephew dove down and touched me. I was lifeless, I didn't move. He flew out of the water screaming SHE IS DEAD, MARY IS DEAD! The neighbor heard the commotion and ran out to the pool. Realizing I was not moving on the bottom he dove in and picked me up. He placed me on the side of the pool while his wife called 911. I was a deep purple color by the time he got me out of the pool. He then lifted the back of my neck up and began life saving procedures. He didn't know at the time that my neck was broken. He just did what he had to do to get me breathing again.

     In the mean time my nephew had run home screaming that I had drown in the neighbors pool! My mother dropped the bucket of corn she had been cutting and cried Oh My God! She was in shock of course. She just sat there for a minute before another frantic neice ran in and said no she isn't grandma, she isn't dead, she is talking now! With a cry of relief my mother ran  up the road. I lay on the side of the pool and the paramedics were there putting me on a stretcher by the time she got there.

     But let me go back to me for a minute before we move on with the rest. As I said, I was standing on the outside of the pool looking down at myself, there on the bottom of the pool.  All of the sudden there was this blinding light. I can not begin to describe the feelings I felt then but I shall try. It was warm, loving, peaceful, rejuvinating, all the positive emotions and feelings you could possibly think of and then some. I was like this is IT! This is the stuff dreams are made of and I don't ever want to leave this wonderful place. Then there was this voice, this presence that said no, you can not stay. I have more to show you. And so I fell, it seemed like for ever that I continued to fall. Then it got dark and every bad word, every bad thought, every lie, every hurtful thing I had ever said to anyone hit me over and over and over again. I wasn't an awful child, I think I was as normal as the next one. So it is not like in all my 12 years I had turned into a monster or something because I had not. It was normal things, like, I did't break your sliding glass door, the bb gun just went off when it fell over, I hate you! when told I couldn't do something. Normal 12 year old things. I can not immagine how an adults list of sins would feel, but my 12 year old list was bad enough for me to never want to go back there. EVER. I woke up on the side of the pool unable to do anything but cry. I was paralyzed from the neck down.

     Again let me go backwards a bit because this is important in the telling.

     My neighbor who dove in and got me out of the pool. His wife was a registered nurse and he luckily knew CPR. He was afraid to do the CPR for fear of causing more dammage to the injury of my spine he was sure I had. He knew however he had no choice, for I had no pulse. The estimated time under water was about 20 minutes.  This in itself should have been impossible. In the dead of winter maybe, but not at the end of August with temperatures in the 80s. He did the CPR and I came to. I spit up a little water but not much. The paramedics put a brace on my neck and then put me on a back bord. It was the hardest thing I have ever laid on and the most uncomfortable as well. I could hear my mom. She was frantic with worry and the paramedics were not giving much news other then I should live. The ride to the hospital took about 30 minutes. It was torture and It felt a lot longer than that. Finally the ambulance arrived at the hospital. Hopefully the doctors can fix me I thought. I was wrong. The doctors couldn't fix what was wrong with me. It would take a miracle.

     They called in a specialist, a neurologist after the x-ray had proved I had broken my neck. I had fractured the 4th and 5th vertabre and crushed the 6th. In a nut shell the chances of me ever moving again were slim to none. The damage to my spine was severe and they told my parents to prepare for the worst. A week and a half went by with them poking and prodding. They took many x-rays, I thought I would start glowing after a while. They would poke my fingers and my toes. Can you feel that? they would say. The answer was always the same, No. They put screws in the top of my head and attached weights to them to put me in traction. Surgical tongs they had called them. The traction was supposed to straighten out the bones like setting a broken arm and putting it in a cast. Then we waited.

     Night after night I cried. I kept thinking I will never play soft ball again, I will never get to ride my horses. I will never get to walk again. I will never even be able to feed myself. I will never be able to use the bathroom without someone else to help me. I wanted to die. This was just to much for my 12 year old mind to take. I prayed God if your there please just let me die so I dont have to face life like this.

     Every hour they would come in and check on me. What is your name, what is your address, what is your mom and dad's names, how old are you and so on. I guess they wanted to make sure my memory was still working right after beeing under water for so long, but it was makeing me crazy. Finally I had had enough and the next time they came in I yelled it at them. My name , my address, my family, everything, and I told them to just leave me alone and let me die in peace. After that they just checked on me from time to time and they didn't ask any more questions. They had told my parents that I would be paralyzed from the neck down and they would need to make plans to make the house accessable for wheel chair and things like that. They seemed so sad when they came to see me after that. I guess I sensed what the Doctors had said to them, but they never told me. I guess they didn't want me to loose hope.

     One night about 3 am if I recall it correctly, It may have been a little later. This really small nurse came into the room. She smiled at me but I just turned my head away. Smiles were not what I wanted. She pulled a step stool over to check my temperature, and heart rate and things. Her voice was soft as she spoke to me, so soothing and loving I had to look at her. She smiled again. I asked her what she wanted and she replied with a question of her own. She said can I pray with you? I couldn't believe it. Why would I want to pray to a God who was just going to let me live through this hell and I told her so. She looked right thrugh me it seemed , into my soul and I recalled the immages I had seen when I was dead and God's message he had given me. The warm loving place that I didn't want to leave and the cold dark place he had shown me after. Then I cried. She took my hand then, though I could not feel it. She repeated her question to me again. Can I pray with you? I said ok, why not, its not like it could make me any worse. I was about as bad off as I could get. So we prayed. She said I should ask God to help heal me. "What so ever ye shall ask in faith believing, so shall ye recieve". I prayed, God please help me to get well and be able to move again because I can not live like this. I got this warm feeling all over. I opened my eyes and with a cry I moved my left big toe. The nurse left to get the Doctor and then as suddenly my room was full of people. Everyone was excited, it was a miricle and the poking and prodding began again. I kept on asking for the little short nurse with the beautiful voice, the one that had prayed with me. They looked at me like I had lost my mind.  We don't have a nurse here that fits that description and certainly not one that would need a step stool to reach the bed side. I was like , well, I din't make her up she was here, I know she was here. I knew in my heart that I had seen an angel that day, there just wasn't any thing else it could be.

     Slowly but surely all the movement came back in my legs and arms. Some a bit faster then others. My right side stayed paralyzed for another week and a half before it to started to recover. I still have numbness on my left side from just below my arm down to my toes, but everything moves like it is suposed to. It took about 2 months for me to get all the movement back and learn how to walk, eat, and do basic things again. It took 4 months till I was to be out of my braces. I looked like frankenstein with my halo brace on, but atleast I was up and walking! God gave me something most people don't get. I got to glimpse heaven, see a part of hell and most of all I got a second chance at life.

     I can never doubt that there is a heaven or hell for I have seen them. God showed me how real both of those places are and how very much I long for heaven. I am not saying that my life has been perfect or that my walk with God has always been an easy one. I will say that he always leads me back to this day in my life when he opened up Heaven and Hell so that I might tell others how wonderful God is.

     I hope this story from a page in my life will help someone to see God and his salvation. To know that no matter what the odds, no matter what you are facing, God is there and he is just waiting for you to ask him for his help. I want everyone to get to heaven and the only way is thru Jesus and accepting him as our savior. He died for our sins so that we wouldn't have to experience Hell. Insted we can be in heaven with him.

     I leave you with my favorite verse in the bible: 1st Corinthians 10:13

There hath no temptation taken you but such is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Mary Skoglund