My Amazing Journey Part 10

 During the next couple of weeks Sawyer had many issues flare up, potasium levels were erratic, kidneys wern't functioning properly, blood clots formed, viruses, infections, poking and prodding, the life of a preemie is full of peaks and valleys.

 One thing I remember from this experience is all the times we had to wash our hands. The slightest bit of germs could be very deadly when handling him. The smell of Purrell will always linger in my mind.

The agonizing part of the NICU is that you don't really feel like the baby is yours. You have to ask permission to hold, feed, or just even walk up to him. We both knew that he was in the best of care, but our emotions sometimes got the better of us when he would string out 4-5 good days in a row and then have a relapse.

 One can only imagine how emotional these times were. Many sleepless nights full of worry. I developed acid reflux because of it. The only time that I found myself able to relax was when I was able to hold Sawyer. I made a promise to God that I would do everything in my power to make sure he is loved and taken care of. I really wish I had my faith back then. I am pretty positive that I wouldn't have had stomach issues because my faith in God calms me down during times of stress. But then again I needed to feel that way to realize how precious the situation was.

 A little after Sawyers 6 week birthday Lynn got some wonderful news. The main doctor had a long discussion with her, answered questions and then paused for a bit. He believed that that now it was not a matter of "if" he's coming home, it was "when".

 This provided great peace for us!! God's master plan for us was taking shape. He provided us with some great news that day. I love him so much because of it!!

One evening they had a prayer service at the hospital for the people that have lost loved ones during their stay there. I can honestly say that I really didn't get anything out of it. My mind was pretty much blank at the time. God still had much work to do with me. But he was being oh so gentle.

 Sawyer was really doing great. Lynn had one of those feel good moments where she was able to hold him for 2 hours. His eyes would be wide open just staring at her. She would quietly hum a little song to him. He would just look lovingly into her eyes and then fall asleep. He would wake up from time to time just to make sure it was her that was holding him. He never fussed, or cried. The only time he did was when the nurse had to put him back into his isolet. Those moments just make you feel numb inside!!

 Sawyer was beginning to be a novelty with the nurses. They all invested so much time in his care. We always felt that security just being amongst them. Some would come to work earlier just so they could have first dibs on him.