multiple sins

Ok, God is showing me where I seriously need His help to repent. He's revealed some secret (well one I knew about atleast somewhat) sins. Self pity, fear and jealousy-they're connected.

My self pity is the result of not having face-to-face fellowship. Pitying myself because it seems like every Christian can have human fellowship but me face to face. And, knowing even the little bit of fellowship on here...I won't be able to stay and communicate with other believers. Why? Because, if a certain religion finds out I fellowship with people in Christidom this wil happen:

1:They'll find out I'm in "Christindom" and my beliefs

2:They'll get highly upset.

If they find out than I'm risking a relative. For the religious people will find out and possibly take her with them. That and they won't take me seriously and will question my motives if they find out (therefore can't effectivly talk to them). it'll be hardto communcate with these people once they know I'm in Christidom.

Jealousy is there as well. Please forgive me brothers and sisters. For I've been jealous...I see brothers/sisters online/know there's those in church with so many other Christians. I've been jealous because I know I can't really get to enjoy that fellowship even online (for too much longer). Forgive me that I've been jealous of you, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Fear is there because, despite knowing God is there and knowing don't go by feelings, I feel afraid because I'll have no Christians to discuss the problem/s whenever they arrive because of the cult. Ill feel alone and afraid.

It seems like it can close in on me and it's scary. To top it off it's hard to communicate with people in general about difficult topics.