More news from a forgiven son of Adam...

Please forgive me for my long absence... I am getting back into the groove of my life. I took some time off, even from my studies and have been battling my depression. My last living grandparent, my mom's mom, died on the first of November. She had leukemia and the "few weeks" that she was to be in hospice care in her home was a grand total of 11 days.

I have left seminary, but will still study God's Word on my own. I am still, to my shame, a bit bitter over my health situation. I have not despaired but come close sometimes. Rather than not do anything academic -- which would be unimaginable since I am not working -- I am starting a master's in criminal justice in January from a fully-accredited school that is completely online (American Public University), so the physical requirements will be at a minimum.

My church attendance has basically stopped and I am slowly becoming a recluse, which may be symptomatic of my depression. I only leave my house for medical needs (doctor's appointments and my rare pharmacy visits) and grocery store or fast food runs and to get Mom gas for her trips to work. In an effort to feel better physically, I have stopped all of my prescription medications. I take my aspirin when I remember it and I still use acetaminophen for pain when I need it, but I really do have more energy. It was either stop the meds or sleep more everyday and feel just above dead... It's a calculated risk, but I do feel better. And switching medications isn't really an option; all the side effects are the same for the drugs used to treat heart failure: dizziness, lightheadedness, fatigue, etc. The first two usually fade, but the fatigue seems to stick around permanently.

Please pray for me because I feel that only our Heavenly Father can help me now...