Lord, how long until I'm in Your presence freed from all of this pain?

I'm downcasted in spirit. I'm glad Jesus has my restroom anxiety-no I don't want it back. But, now I'm being attacked by something worse. I'm questioning my salvation.

The pain in me is too much to bear....it's hurts so bad. I just want to go be with Jesus. My salvation...my very spirit is in His hands.

There's so much coming at me. I want out of the city and into isolation. Somewhere in the country far from here. Or maybe the woods or a forest...I want to go so much. I'm tired of cars, houses, t.vs and...there's just so much it's hard to deal with.

The things I have and like describe me. It's difficult to describe myself verbally. So, I use other things, stuff that I own or things that I like to help.

I have whitsh, brown small Reeses bear with a little orange bowtie. He has a newish smell-which I love! Reminds me of the smell I used to get from brand new school items like when I got a new backpack. He's also very soft. I love the soft fur. Such softness is like a comfort thing. Even just for a few brief seconds the pain is eased more.

If this is a fleshy desire I hope Jesus helps me repent and do whatever He wishes. I love thick pepperoni warmed up in the micorwave. It's wrong though probably...when food is used as a comfort. I did that today. Eating got me to not think about the pain as much.

I have a candle that's a cross. It reminds me of what Jesus has done....He died for all of us.

I've...why does it seem like...He's let me have grace yet I just don't seem understand? I've asked for forgiveness but I know the sin will just come back. I don't want this stupid sin any longer...It's a sin combined with fear-ugh! :slaps forhead: What do I do...

I see sunlight, I...it reminds me of some kind of hope. I want to see Jesus so much...to be freed from pain. My heart is shattered. I want to see Him...to finally be in His arms.

As I sit here...what am I worth? As a human being what is my value...

I've grown numb...how can I hear the Holy Spirit when I'm so numb? I'm depressed....

I want to be held by Jesus so much...why does He seem so far away? Is it because I can't seem to repent of this sin...

Forgive me if I'm gotton anyone down from my blog...