Life is like pillows

Ok, I got a Spongebob pillow today from Kmart.

I liked it so I got it. I got home and seen the pillow I was going to replace.

If you seen the sides of the pillow you'd know it was torn and really messed up. I got to thinking I don't want to change it. I like my old one way too much to replace it. Maybe I'll just use the new one for a feet pillow (I have to use a pillow for my feet to help my circulation).

That reminds me of life. While the new is much better for me I seem to take the old [in this case my past] and cling to it more.

I know I have to forgive completly. I seen one of the people who used to bully me coming up the sidewalk today. Was I scared? Yes. He said hi and things turned out fine. He walked up the street. I realize I need to let go of the past.

I have Jesus now why should I fear? I'm not the same person I was 6 years ago (which is when the incident with Josh took place sometime 6 years ago next month). I'm not 14 anymore. I don't play Pokemon and cling to them as if they were my only friends anymore.

Wow, 14? That is amazing I even just said that. I'm not a 14 year old girl anymore...That makes me feel so old by saying that.

Healing takes time. But, inorder to heal I need to completly forgive.

There is one thing I really need help on though. How can I not be afraid to loose another cat? It seems like if I start bonding with them they'll end up dieing afterwards... I mean sure I know that death would have to come some time. I'm not as concerned if it'd death by old age. I just don't want them to escape and get posioned... That's why my heart has hardened and shut itself up like a chamber door slamming and locking shut. I can't bare the thought of seeing another one die by posioning...