Letter to God - October 13, 2011

Dear Heavenly Father,

I truly do want my marriage to succeed but I do know I have a fear inside of me and I really think it’s because I’m afraid of all the bad happening again that I fear the hope of making it happen.  I really am praying to hear you Lord!  I don’t want to push Tim away nor do I want to pull away.  I know fear isn’t from you and I do understand that.  Here’s what I do know and accept as truth:

-          Neither Tim or I truly want a divorce

-          Neither Tim or I have the skills at this moment to ensure our marriage to be successful

-          You desire us to be married and for our marriage to be successful

-          Neither Tim or I know what tomorrow brings much less the timeline of when/how we will be reconciled

-          The definition of reconciliation is the process of making consistent or compatible

-          When I read the definition of reconciliation, I see it is a process. 

-          The definition of process is a systematic series of actions directed to some end and a continuous action, operation, or series of changes taking place in a definite manner.

-          In reading the definitions, I understand it is going to take a step by step effort on both of our parts in order to true reconciliation to be successful.

-          It’s not going to be a quick fix nor should it be dragged out for a really long time. 

-          Neither Tim or I have the answers, thus our counselors and accountability partners, but especially your direction Lord is the only way we can get to a point of reconciliation.

-          My job is to take a step at a time and allow you to work on my heart and my fears.

-          It’s easier to give up then to work through the process.

-          The definition of compatible is capable of existing or living together in harmony.

-          Living in harmony in our marriage would be seeing your grace and peace in our lives daily!

Lord, I don’t know what the answers are nor do Tim.  I do pray we are each willing to let go of our emotional selves and just keep our eyes focused on the prize (YOU).  I am sorry that I fail so often in the process and allow my feelings and emotions get in the way of your goal for our marriage. 

Lord, the entire process is so overwhelming because we both have our own ideas and boundaries that need to be intertwined in order for our marriage to heal and succeed.  I pray that we are both willing to put aside the word divorce and set small obtainable goals with Debbie.  That our yes is our yes and our no is our no.  That we don’t be like a wave and go back and forth in our commitment to reconcile our marriage.  I know we BOTH have a lot of individual changes and until those are accomplished (and only you know the timeline), can we truly be reconciled to work though our hurts and brokenness in our marriage.  However, it is all intertwined and you are the miracle worker so please Lord, above all else, let me hear your voice and see clearly each step.  I pray we both can focus on just one step at a time so we can be consistent and compatible. 

Thank you for loving me where I am at and unconditionally.

Your child,

Marilyn