learning

God has used this time of pain to teach me many lessons. I'm amazed of how much he has taught me and is teaching me even in such a short time. I'm learning to be content with who God has made me. This has been a realization that i just couldn't grasp for so long. I'm a recovered anorexic and God has brought me through that but i still have a problem with grasping his love and beauty for me and even my body. When i first had problems walking i refused to get a cart at walmart. "What will they think of me?" ran through my mind. God is teaching me though that i am his creation and that its alright to be who i am in him and its ok to use things that are available if you need them. And i need them. It just amazes me how he's teaching me something in such a short time something that i have struggled with for years.
He's also teaching me compassion. I can relate to others better. I want to be used by him so bad and he's using this experience to get me to that point. Another thing is to accept love from others in order to be able to give love to others. I went to a lady's retreat with my church this weekend. It was much needed. I have never felt so loved by women in our church. I've always been a bit shy and really reserved. I never realized that maybe i was pushing people away instead of realizing that they cared. I used to stay away and then wonder why i wasn't accepted, no one liked me or i didn't have many friends. Today however I do have a couple close friends and some other good aquaintances. Still even with the couple girls i didn't feel accepted with the whole group. He's teaching me however to step out again and be his daughter and not hide in the corner. At the retreat, we had a pajama contest with several categories. I competed in the animal category with my monkey pants. We had to walk the "catwalk". I was hurting so bad it tookall i had to get across it. However i had fun. They gave me the award just for making the walk. I felt bad at first but i know i do not need to.
God also is teaching me new strengths and abilitys that i did not know i had. My legs may be hurt and i may not be able to get around they way i used to but God still has a purpose for me. This has been the most important lesson i think. To feel purposeful even when i am weak gives me strenghth to live each day. I want to learn to crochet and knit ( things i don't have to have legs for) . I sewed a pot holder last week on a sewing machine. I had a little problem with my spastic leg, it kept hitting the petal when i didn't want it to. However it didn't turn out too bad.
All in all, I'm excited for what God is doing in me. I'm joyful that he is molding me. Man we serve an awesome God.