Is it normal to be this anxious?

I'm so hyper inside right now. And I think it'll help, atleast for a little while, to blog about it.

I think I may be being called into some kind of missionary/ministery work for Jehovah's Witnesses....that seems like the direction I'm being led in to. If there's another name for it, I don't know what it's called. I want to be a missionary to the JWs...like the persecuted brothern overseas are missionaries for Muslims, Buddists and Hindus.

Jesus,help me to love You more,get me humbled and please can You keep me in that position so I don't ever think I'm myself too highly? Please help me to give all of my problems to You...I need to trust You 100%. Please lead me in the path You want me to take....take my hand.

I'm not only excited about that...I'm just so happy! It's so awesome He's let me be apart of such an awesome gathering of people,the Body of Christ...all by His Grace! I was such a horrible person...yet He's forgiven me-praise Jesus! Even more amazing He continues to forgive day by day. :) I've made so many mistakes...yet because of who He is He still loves me.

I've faced near death many times...even before I was born (doctors suggested "other options" a.k.a abortion)...she could have really easily done it since she was sick but she chose life. Go to the 12th second on this youtube video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzknRghyre0 

that's what I looked like as a newborn...the 25th week + 1 or 2 days...yet He still let me live. Those are just a few examples...there's been other times. Like when I was at Angel's,yep that's what her name was called, house;I was little. She wanted me to go out onto the roof with her...I refused. My parents think she would have pushed me off of the roof....

I've been downcasted pretty much my whole life. Things started...when I was like around 3. I remember the girl across the street snubbed me on her little bike. Like around 3 or 4,this happened when I was school. I got put into the courner for not saying my ABCs correctly(my old school used to have classes for the really young kids at like 3 and 4). At like 4 Jamal punched me in the nose...it started pouring blood sometime after I left with mom to go to the dentist.

When I was like 4 or 5, in class I was playing with a car. It rolled  off the wooden road of blocks. Mrs. R. was by the metal cabnet. Not sure if it was snacktime. Ashley's block castle got knocked over her Mrs. R's ankle...I can still feel the heat she was giving me that day as she was showing me the ankle. I still remember her pant lef pulled up and there was the mark I left...

In Kindergarden a girl threatened to push me off a porch (we were on a field trip) if I didn't trade her animal cards...

In 8th grade a boy threatened to stab me with a pencil....

Alot has happened. I wanted to commit suicide so bad in 8th grade...by His Grace I didn't.

I was hateful...I hated Mrs. R. and our neighbor. I hockered in someone's hair and put her back pack in dog poo, I think I may have stole a toy from someone's house when I was like 3.  I tried a very stupid..yet still very evil spell. I was so desperate for the old Pokemon voice actors to get back their jobs...I searched spells online. By His Grace I learned about prayer and dumped looking up spells. I was in 8th grade...I was very judgemental and condemning (I even thought for awhile I was one of the very few people going to Heaven and the rest was going to Hell...yep very legalist/work based for salvation I was). I was very proud...I even shouted out when there was a similar discussion in 8th grade english class. "I'm a virgin!" A girl said I was proud...she didn't realize how right she was. That's just some things I've done. All yeah, I've been teased/spiritually attacked by Satan/his demons more times than I can count...

This isn't a pity party though. This is to show you what Jesus has done for me. He's taken someone who has neared death many time,downtroddened,a very bad person...and He's saved me by His Grace.

Anyways, back to the other topic I put before I shared a nice part of my testimony....I was talking about the Body of Christ. Well, it's so awesome to be part of this Body! I love you guys! It'll be awesome when we go up to meet Jesus together! That's another thing that's getting me super excited! We're going home to meet Jesus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opyy-mNXBX8

Lord Jesus, we're only saved by Your Grace...thank you...there has to be a stronger word than thank you...

I'm super happy! The hyperness is pouring out of my body out of excitement!

What else can I say? I'm so hyper and I haven't got all of the energy out of me yet...Praise the Lord! I'm so excited...yet I'm so hyper inside that I can't hold it in so it's showing on the outside.